It is hard to take control of elements that before now I've never had to deal with. It is so much easier to allow God to have control. I am able to be stress free in all my busyness, during all the times I'm trying to follow my "To do" list. Am I worried about doing well in school, about doing my best for Wednesday night lessons, or about trying to have an apartment ready by May 1? Absolutely, but I can and do have peace about all of it if I stop trying to do it myself. God has been reminding me to just, "Live and let God." With Him in control then I know it can all get done, and in a timely fashion... His time.
I'm going to get my car looked at today. I hope that the overall cost is no more than $200 when everything is said and done because that is all I really have at the moment. In fact, despite the fact that I've been trying to keep a close eye on my finances, the chances of them being on a lower scale than I realize are probably fairly high. Some of it could not be helped I think, with the need for gas and oil (which is why I'm going to get the leak fixed) it's hard to not spend money.
I've got a lot to do, but I know that I can get it all done because God is in control.
Yesterday was my grandfather's 1 year death day. I can't say that I'm not saddened by the thought a little bit, especially when I think of how he won't be at my wedding, and I really wanted him to be there. However, I can say that I do not suffer from mourning or depression, but rather a sense of happiness for him because he is with the Savior, and what could be more beautiful and pleasurable than being with the Creator and Savior of the world. He is not dead, he is only sleeping until Christ returns, and I look forward to seeing him once again as we gather around the throne in worship; and who knows, maybe he, Jesus, and I will all go fishing sometime.
My birthday is in 2 days! Woohoo!
Showing newest posts with label Birthday. Show older posts
Showing newest posts with label Birthday. Show older posts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
A Little This, A Little That
I know, I know, it's been a while since I posted... but give me a break, I've been busy with lots and lots of school.
These past few days have been simultaneously very good and relaxing, and heartbreaking and confusing. On the one hand, I got to spend time with a good friend and with my family, which lead to a time of relaxing and reflection on my end. Going home has always been a good time to reflect... not sure why that is, but I am thankful for those times that are presented to me. On the other hand, my fiancees maid of honor is backing out of the whole ordeal, which quite frankly makes me angry. A friend should be willing to sacrifice a little time and money to be at another friends wedding, especially since it is so important to said friend that they be their (and... done). So, suffice to say there has been some hurt going on this weekend too.
HOWEVER, the good has outweighed the bad sevenfold and I can be extremely thankful to God for that. I attended a Easter Service at my parents' church and I am very glad that I did. It was a time to feel like I could really worship... once again reminding me exactly how dark it can feel here at TFC at times, but I'm not going to address that in this blog. I've done that enough, and I fear being brought back into my cynicism... I have enough problems as it is. Anyway, one of the songs that was presented before the congregation was called "True Love". The chorus had the words, "When True Love died..." and it was talking about the sacrifice of Christ, and it really got me to thinking. Although Christ is alive, and I am not about to refute that, I have to wonder how alive He is to us as Christians? When Neitzsche stated that "God is dead" I have to think that what he was referring to was our way of living rather than the Almighty Creator God being deceased, and honestly, I have to wonder if he wasn't all that far off...
From what I have seen of Christianity in America, so much of it is superficial when it comes to living out what we proclaim. We stand with hands raised high in one hour, and then the next we are being unloving in a plethera of ways towards an individual or group of individuals. From the way we talk about foreigners to the way that we will swear and curse up a storm. Now, I'm not saying swearing is wrong... on that issue I have no clue what I think because of a number of reasons, however, I try to refrain from cursing mostly because I can think of other words to say that aren't as crude. The point is, I feel that Christianity in America is a mere shell of what it is supposed to be. I've felt like this for a while now, and I was listening to a pastor on a CD who was talking a little bit of the very same things I'm writing about at the moment. Granted, I think he might have been exaggerating it a little bit, but the point is still there... May God have mercy on our souls.
I guess I never really clarified why I was confused... and looking at the reasons now, I could probably give you a cryptic answer at best. Why would someone claim to be another's best friend, but talk bad about them to someone else? Why would someone be so unwilling to give up such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things to support their "best friend" in such an important event? 'nough said.
I'm going to try to end this post on a positive note... so here are a few reasons (for me) to be happy.
Good night.
These past few days have been simultaneously very good and relaxing, and heartbreaking and confusing. On the one hand, I got to spend time with a good friend and with my family, which lead to a time of relaxing and reflection on my end. Going home has always been a good time to reflect... not sure why that is, but I am thankful for those times that are presented to me. On the other hand, my fiancees maid of honor is backing out of the whole ordeal, which quite frankly makes me angry. A friend should be willing to sacrifice a little time and money to be at another friends wedding, especially since it is so important to said friend that they be their (and... done). So, suffice to say there has been some hurt going on this weekend too.
HOWEVER, the good has outweighed the bad sevenfold and I can be extremely thankful to God for that. I attended a Easter Service at my parents' church and I am very glad that I did. It was a time to feel like I could really worship... once again reminding me exactly how dark it can feel here at TFC at times, but I'm not going to address that in this blog. I've done that enough, and I fear being brought back into my cynicism... I have enough problems as it is. Anyway, one of the songs that was presented before the congregation was called "True Love". The chorus had the words, "When True Love died..." and it was talking about the sacrifice of Christ, and it really got me to thinking. Although Christ is alive, and I am not about to refute that, I have to wonder how alive He is to us as Christians? When Neitzsche stated that "God is dead" I have to think that what he was referring to was our way of living rather than the Almighty Creator God being deceased, and honestly, I have to wonder if he wasn't all that far off...
From what I have seen of Christianity in America, so much of it is superficial when it comes to living out what we proclaim. We stand with hands raised high in one hour, and then the next we are being unloving in a plethera of ways towards an individual or group of individuals. From the way we talk about foreigners to the way that we will swear and curse up a storm. Now, I'm not saying swearing is wrong... on that issue I have no clue what I think because of a number of reasons, however, I try to refrain from cursing mostly because I can think of other words to say that aren't as crude. The point is, I feel that Christianity in America is a mere shell of what it is supposed to be. I've felt like this for a while now, and I was listening to a pastor on a CD who was talking a little bit of the very same things I'm writing about at the moment. Granted, I think he might have been exaggerating it a little bit, but the point is still there... May God have mercy on our souls.
I guess I never really clarified why I was confused... and looking at the reasons now, I could probably give you a cryptic answer at best. Why would someone claim to be another's best friend, but talk bad about them to someone else? Why would someone be so unwilling to give up such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things to support their "best friend" in such an important event? 'nough said.
I'm going to try to end this post on a positive note... so here are a few reasons (for me) to be happy.
- God loves me
- I have an awesome family
- I have an awesome fiancee
- My birthday is in 10 days, 11 hours, and 25 minutes... 24 minutes
- My Wedding is in 68 days, 12 hours, and 52 minutes... (kinda scary)
- I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED IN 68 DAYS!!!!
Good night.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Silence Is So Loud
You know, until yesterday morning, I never really realized how much Paw Paw smiled. I mean, subconsciously I knew that he smiled all the time, but to really see it yesterday was very overwhelming. It made it hard to stand in front of friends and family to simply read a poem, when the man that is Ralph Woerner was presented in such a way that tears hit me like a load of bricks falling off the empire state building. I don't think it was sadness, I wouldn't say I was sad, though I wasn't crying tears of joy either. I think Richard said it best, I was just overwhelmed with the love he had for us while here on earth.
I don't have tons of stories that I can share about our Paw Paw, but I do know that after hearing all the memories that have been shared these past few days that I can clearly see, and say with certainty, that much of the man I am today is thanks to Paw Paw. I am much more like him than I originally thought. He's the kind of man I wish to be as I continue to grow older in Christ and in this physical shell. The things that Paw Paw is notorious for, are the things I long to do. I want to be passionate about everything I do, I want people to feel unconditionally loved regardless of their past, I want to be able to give money without a second thought, to be hospitable to all who come my way. I even have his walk!! It's probably more of a Woerner thing than anything else, but I honestly think I inherited that shuffle he always had when he walked from place to place. I'm so proud to be in his family.
Paw Paw was a far better man than I could have ever really imagined. The more stories I hear about him, the more I think, "I wish I could have seen that Paw Paw." Then again, I think my interaction with him has always been a bit different than most. I never saw the fired up Paw Paw, unless he was being stern with me. The Paw Paw I have always known is the silent one. A man of few words, and wisdom that seemed to just leap out at you from his eyes. It was like he could read you like a book. I remember in these past six months, that the time I felt connected with Paw Paw the most, is when we would just sit in silence, in the lawn chairs in his car port, just watching, observing really, the movements of the family around us. I would look over at him and smile, and he would just nod his head. Words were not needed, we both knew that we loved each other. I guess that was just the way we reacted with each other.
There were so many more memories I wanted to make with him. Memories of my wedding, and even my first kid. I wanted him to be there to share those joys with me, but I suppose God decided that there was a better plan, and who am I to argue with the creator of the universe?
Paw Paw was just one of those people who fed to me a passion for people through his life. Through his actions, he changed my life, and we barely even spoke upon the theological issues. We were just two practical men, watching our family, and loving them all the same.
So on a day that I would normally reflect on how my life has been, I spend it instead reflecting on how my Paw Paw has infectiously changed my life for eternity, with one step at a time. I already miss you.
I don't have tons of stories that I can share about our Paw Paw, but I do know that after hearing all the memories that have been shared these past few days that I can clearly see, and say with certainty, that much of the man I am today is thanks to Paw Paw. I am much more like him than I originally thought. He's the kind of man I wish to be as I continue to grow older in Christ and in this physical shell. The things that Paw Paw is notorious for, are the things I long to do. I want to be passionate about everything I do, I want people to feel unconditionally loved regardless of their past, I want to be able to give money without a second thought, to be hospitable to all who come my way. I even have his walk!! It's probably more of a Woerner thing than anything else, but I honestly think I inherited that shuffle he always had when he walked from place to place. I'm so proud to be in his family.
Paw Paw was a far better man than I could have ever really imagined. The more stories I hear about him, the more I think, "I wish I could have seen that Paw Paw." Then again, I think my interaction with him has always been a bit different than most. I never saw the fired up Paw Paw, unless he was being stern with me. The Paw Paw I have always known is the silent one. A man of few words, and wisdom that seemed to just leap out at you from his eyes. It was like he could read you like a book. I remember in these past six months, that the time I felt connected with Paw Paw the most, is when we would just sit in silence, in the lawn chairs in his car port, just watching, observing really, the movements of the family around us. I would look over at him and smile, and he would just nod his head. Words were not needed, we both knew that we loved each other. I guess that was just the way we reacted with each other.
There were so many more memories I wanted to make with him. Memories of my wedding, and even my first kid. I wanted him to be there to share those joys with me, but I suppose God decided that there was a better plan, and who am I to argue with the creator of the universe?
Paw Paw was just one of those people who fed to me a passion for people through his life. Through his actions, he changed my life, and we barely even spoke upon the theological issues. We were just two practical men, watching our family, and loving them all the same.
So on a day that I would normally reflect on how my life has been, I spend it instead reflecting on how my Paw Paw has infectiously changed my life for eternity, with one step at a time. I already miss you.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Black Roses
So after two (or is it three) weeks with nothing to post, I finally have something of interest (to me at least).
Christmas is just such an interesting time of year. It's the time when people go all out to buy gifts that someone will use maybe once or twice (usually) or at least, until the new "thing" comes out. Sadly I have been sucked into this too. I'm not sure if it's just because it's an American thing, or if it's just the people I'm with, or whatever, but I really want to get something for my family this year. Which is why some are getting scarfs, and other gift cards.
The problem with getting gifts is that, at least with me, there are so many people I want to buy gifts for that I can't, and so I always feel bad when only a few people get the gifts I intended for them, and not just some ghetto home made card that says, "Merry Christmas". I'm sure people might appreciate it, but it's not what I want to do for them. So, this year I actually get to do what I want for Christmas (in the sense of getting the gifts I want to get for others), which makes me happy.
But, Erik pointed out something today at Invert that I had never really considered before. It's not that I didn't care, it was just that I never really considered it. The Advent Conspiracy.... "what would happen if we spent less on people who have plenty, and gave more to those who have none?" was essentially the question. It was really profound for me though. Despite going out of country multiple times, I still haven't seemed to understand that there are so many people in need, and Christians can lead the way into reformation. To love others so much that we give with grateful hearts, and give generously. To think... God will count our lack of generosity as a sin... intriguing, and yet, so much like the God I have come to know and love, though I'm sure I don't show it near as much as I would love to. This Christmas = yet another paradigm shift. (they seem to be happening a lot lately).
This post isn't just about Christmas... it feels so long since I left Clarksville, but in reality it has only been two to two and a half weeks. I have been so busy lately though, that I feel like I have been gone a year. I wish things didn't have to end with so much tension, but it is in the past, there is nothing I can do to change it. I don't regret my decisions, I know in my heart they were the right ones, despite what some may say or think. Even if these decisions were wrong, it was far better than dawdling around in my fear and waiting for a sign from God that was not going to come. I know He wanted me to make a decision, and so I did. That, is that, and I move on. Black Roses.
I know I'm being cryptic about that, but you will just have to get over it... I'm not explaining my life via an expanse of internet gossip known as blogging.
There is still so much for me to learn, so many things to see, and so many dreams I want to achieve... but the one thing that takes precedence in my life is God, and He holds it all together. Altruism, Theology, Doctrine, Wisdom, Knowledge, Success, Failure, it's all for nothing without God in the middle.
And so it seems like I'll be ending this year the same way I started it. Alone, with nothing to hold onto except Christ.
Shalom.
p.s. Happy Birthday Jesus, whenever the actual day may be.
Christmas is just such an interesting time of year. It's the time when people go all out to buy gifts that someone will use maybe once or twice (usually) or at least, until the new "thing" comes out. Sadly I have been sucked into this too. I'm not sure if it's just because it's an American thing, or if it's just the people I'm with, or whatever, but I really want to get something for my family this year. Which is why some are getting scarfs, and other gift cards.
The problem with getting gifts is that, at least with me, there are so many people I want to buy gifts for that I can't, and so I always feel bad when only a few people get the gifts I intended for them, and not just some ghetto home made card that says, "Merry Christmas". I'm sure people might appreciate it, but it's not what I want to do for them. So, this year I actually get to do what I want for Christmas (in the sense of getting the gifts I want to get for others), which makes me happy.
But, Erik pointed out something today at Invert that I had never really considered before. It's not that I didn't care, it was just that I never really considered it. The Advent Conspiracy.... "what would happen if we spent less on people who have plenty, and gave more to those who have none?" was essentially the question. It was really profound for me though. Despite going out of country multiple times, I still haven't seemed to understand that there are so many people in need, and Christians can lead the way into reformation. To love others so much that we give with grateful hearts, and give generously. To think... God will count our lack of generosity as a sin... intriguing, and yet, so much like the God I have come to know and love, though I'm sure I don't show it near as much as I would love to. This Christmas = yet another paradigm shift. (they seem to be happening a lot lately).
This post isn't just about Christmas... it feels so long since I left Clarksville, but in reality it has only been two to two and a half weeks. I have been so busy lately though, that I feel like I have been gone a year. I wish things didn't have to end with so much tension, but it is in the past, there is nothing I can do to change it. I don't regret my decisions, I know in my heart they were the right ones, despite what some may say or think. Even if these decisions were wrong, it was far better than dawdling around in my fear and waiting for a sign from God that was not going to come. I know He wanted me to make a decision, and so I did. That, is that, and I move on. Black Roses.
I know I'm being cryptic about that, but you will just have to get over it... I'm not explaining my life via an expanse of internet gossip known as blogging.
There is still so much for me to learn, so many things to see, and so many dreams I want to achieve... but the one thing that takes precedence in my life is God, and He holds it all together. Altruism, Theology, Doctrine, Wisdom, Knowledge, Success, Failure, it's all for nothing without God in the middle.
And so it seems like I'll be ending this year the same way I started it. Alone, with nothing to hold onto except Christ.
Shalom.
p.s. Happy Birthday Jesus, whenever the actual day may be.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Birthday Blues
OK so that title might be a tad misleading so you will just have to deal with it. *sticks tongue out*
So the bad thing of today is:
- People everywhere are asploding for something dumb or justified, but shouldn't be an issue to begin with.
- I feel like I could do nothing right today. I was told how to sing, how to this or that, how to exist basically. I definitely feel very "happy" most of the day, how frustrating.
- I have felt completely useless because of the previous point.
The good thing of today is:
- It is my birthday (or was technically since it is 12:21am of the 24th, and blog likes to start the day then).
- I have awesome parents who call and leave encouraging messages on my phone.
- I have awesome friends who reminded me that I don't COMPLETELY fail at life.
- A small party was thrown, and by small I mean there were brownies (yumminess) and ice cream and three/four friends. But that is better than nothing!
- A surprise visit from a friend of mine... a REALLY GOOD friend, and my heart leaped. It was awesome.
- GOD RULEZ!!!1
So all in all the day was terrible, but also awesome. I like but don't like days like that. Haha, there were a lot of "like"s in that sentence. Moving on...
So to all those who are having a horrible. I pray for you, and I empathize. Have a good day tomorrow. Now... I must go do music theory homework and try to make up for a quiz tomorrow. *sigh* I don't like having birthdays in busy weeks ah well... tis life in all its glory. Gotta take the bad with the good.
So the bad thing of today is:
- People everywhere are asploding for something dumb or justified, but shouldn't be an issue to begin with.
- I feel like I could do nothing right today. I was told how to sing, how to this or that, how to exist basically. I definitely feel very "happy" most of the day, how frustrating.
- I have felt completely useless because of the previous point.
The good thing of today is:
- It is my birthday (or was technically since it is 12:21am of the 24th, and blog likes to start the day then).
- I have awesome parents who call and leave encouraging messages on my phone.
- I have awesome friends who reminded me that I don't COMPLETELY fail at life.
- A small party was thrown, and by small I mean there were brownies (yumminess) and ice cream and three/four friends. But that is better than nothing!
- A surprise visit from a friend of mine... a REALLY GOOD friend, and my heart leaped. It was awesome.
- GOD RULEZ!!!1
So all in all the day was terrible, but also awesome. I like but don't like days like that. Haha, there were a lot of "like"s in that sentence. Moving on...
So to all those who are having a horrible. I pray for you, and I empathize. Have a good day tomorrow. Now... I must go do music theory homework and try to make up for a quiz tomorrow. *sigh* I don't like having birthdays in busy weeks ah well... tis life in all its glory. Gotta take the bad with the good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
