So, I haven't really written in this blog in a while, and I figured it was about time I did so.
Life has definitely been full of ups and downs, lefts and rights, and even some diagonals. While I have had quite a few good things happen to me in the past few months, the reality is that growing up has not gotten any easier, and it still sucks.
Lately, my wife and I have been having trouble with the people she got a school loan with. They call endlessly, are generally uninformed of the things we have done to correct problems or make up payments that we are behind, and do not do what they say they will do. So, despite doing our best to take care of the loan payments, they are not making it easy, and it is hurting our pocket book quite a bit. Of course, this would not be such an issue if I did not have to make payments to my school, or try to find ways to rent an apartment and finally get out of my in-laws house.
Don't get me wrong, I am completely grateful to my in-laws for housing us, but I want to get out. I feel a little trapped within the walls of the house, and I'm constantly on my toes. I need a place for my own, and I don't want to burden them any more than I already have been (though, they would never admit that).
I am grateful for having a job, but truthfully I don't have the hours or pay I need to satisfy the greedy loans. I'm hoping that I will actually have some type of return for taxes, even if it is small. Still, a small paycheck is better than no paycheck. And I can't really say that everything is awful, because it's not. I still have a roof over my head, I still have family who loves and cares for me, I still have friends who actually like to talk to me, and God is still providing for me in ways that blow my mind, including financially.
So, all that to say, "Hi, I'm still alive." Things really aren't all that bad, it just feels overbearing at times.
Grace and Peace
Friday, February 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
On Claiming Sin
Over the past week I have come to recognize something that disturbs me a little. It first dawned on my during Sunday School this past week, but then revealed itself more throughout the week as I continued my studies in Job. The thing I came to realize is this. People are very quick to claim sin on something. Prime example would be that gambling is a sin. But the truth is, just as drinking is not a sin, I do not think buying a lottery ticket is a sin, or spending money at the slot machines. The only time I take issue with people drinking or gambling is when either God spoke to them and gave them orders not to (which, who can judge that?) or, if it is something being done irresponsibly and thus not taking care of what God has given them. going back to the gambling example for a moment, if someone has the finances to take care of their family and pay for all of their expenses, then why must they abstain from something they enjoy and have the spare "free" cash for? It's just a thought.
Not only are people quick to claim sin on things that are, at best, based upon motives, but also on the circumstances people are faced with. This is evident in the way Job's friends talked to him. Although what they spoke of concerning God is true, the fact that they assumed that Job's problems were the result of some sin he had committed echos in everyday life even today. I can still remember when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I remember hearing certain people express their opinion that the city was flooded because of how "morally corrupt" the city was. To that I ask, then how are some of our most corrupt politicians having no trouble in their lives, and how are some of the most righteous people suffering through all kinds of troubles, struggling just to get by with the day-to-day, and surviving on little hope.
I know that sometimes the things we do can lead to us getting into a sludge we have a hard time getting pulled out of, but the truth is, if we are going to label neutral things as being a "slippery slope" to sin, then maybe we should just say everything can lead to sin. Going to church can lead to sin, because we will become complacent, legalistic, and judgmental toward others. Sleeping can lead to sin, because if we enjoy sleeping too much we will become lazy and not work the way we should. Talking can lead to sin, because we will curse our neighbors and tear them down with our words. I know this is an exaggeration to some degree, but I hope I'm making my point clear.
I am not mad, it just seems a little silly to be so quick to call something as if everything is black and white. However, I've found that most things are definitely not black or white, because there is always more to the story than what our own perspectives lend us. So, I think we need to stop being so overcautious and get out there and try. How are we to reach people, when all we do is hole ourselves up in our churches and try avoiding looking at someone funny so that we don't offend someone and then cause them to sin.
Again, I am exaggerating. It is simply food for thought.
Grace and Peace
Not only are people quick to claim sin on things that are, at best, based upon motives, but also on the circumstances people are faced with. This is evident in the way Job's friends talked to him. Although what they spoke of concerning God is true, the fact that they assumed that Job's problems were the result of some sin he had committed echos in everyday life even today. I can still remember when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I remember hearing certain people express their opinion that the city was flooded because of how "morally corrupt" the city was. To that I ask, then how are some of our most corrupt politicians having no trouble in their lives, and how are some of the most righteous people suffering through all kinds of troubles, struggling just to get by with the day-to-day, and surviving on little hope.
I know that sometimes the things we do can lead to us getting into a sludge we have a hard time getting pulled out of, but the truth is, if we are going to label neutral things as being a "slippery slope" to sin, then maybe we should just say everything can lead to sin. Going to church can lead to sin, because we will become complacent, legalistic, and judgmental toward others. Sleeping can lead to sin, because if we enjoy sleeping too much we will become lazy and not work the way we should. Talking can lead to sin, because we will curse our neighbors and tear them down with our words. I know this is an exaggeration to some degree, but I hope I'm making my point clear.
I am not mad, it just seems a little silly to be so quick to call something as if everything is black and white. However, I've found that most things are definitely not black or white, because there is always more to the story than what our own perspectives lend us. So, I think we need to stop being so overcautious and get out there and try. How are we to reach people, when all we do is hole ourselves up in our churches and try avoiding looking at someone funny so that we don't offend someone and then cause them to sin.
Again, I am exaggerating. It is simply food for thought.
Grace and Peace
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Got Hope?
So I've come across an interesting thought these past couple of days. A life without any hope is a rather hopeless life. Now I know that sounds really cheesy but just take a moment and think about the meaning of the phrase. Without any hope in our lives all we have is despair, depression, cynicism, pessimism, and often times a passive aggressiveness. Not to mention one can become jaded about the things around them because they see no hope in anything, and hate those who do have hope.
OK, so that is merely an accumulation of what I've seen. So, technically, that's not the definite end result. However, it is common enough to see that I think many who read this could think of someone they know who has lost hope. I've even been down the path of lost hope multiple times myself, but I'm beginning to see that when I lose hope I'm just wasting my life. I become apathetic, lazy, lethargic, angsty, etc., and it's just not worth it. It's not healthy for either myself or those around me, and it certainly isn't me having a fun or fulfilling life.
I know, life isn't all about how much fun you can have, but I have to say, even when life hits you hard, you can still have hope and enjoy life. This is why I will never understand how people can live without Christ, because even when there seems to be no hope, I can always count on Him. Without hope I wouldn't even want to live, as I am sure many others feel the same.
Being hopeless is so sad to me. Without hope of anything, you will ask what's the point of trying? A big example would be the job market today. It is really tough to find a job, but the fact of the matter is, there are jobs that are available, you just have to work at finding them. However if you are hopeless, then what would be the point of looking for a job if they are just going to turn you down anyway? I know I've had thoughts like that. It took all last week to work me out of that too. I applied to over thirty jobs and I've still only had one potential job come up. I hope that I get it, because I think I would do good at it, and because I need a way to provide for my family. If I didn't have hope in something, I probably would have given up a long time ago.
The truth is, I've seen a lot of people without hope recently, and it is very discouraging on me emotionally, and very unhealthy for me spiritually. Being here at Toccoa, I've realized with sadness, is stifling my relationship with God. It's like being part of the seed that fell on thorny ground. This place is so spiritually oppressed it's scary how you can forget it's there. So, even though I don't really want to move, having an opportunity to be around people who will help me in my growth will be very good for me. Truly, I will miss my friends, and my ability to see them almost daily if we so choose, but it is time to move on I guess. Time to enter another chapter of a story that is my life. I only hope it is one that people will find worth reading.
Grace and Peace
OK, so that is merely an accumulation of what I've seen. So, technically, that's not the definite end result. However, it is common enough to see that I think many who read this could think of someone they know who has lost hope. I've even been down the path of lost hope multiple times myself, but I'm beginning to see that when I lose hope I'm just wasting my life. I become apathetic, lazy, lethargic, angsty, etc., and it's just not worth it. It's not healthy for either myself or those around me, and it certainly isn't me having a fun or fulfilling life.
I know, life isn't all about how much fun you can have, but I have to say, even when life hits you hard, you can still have hope and enjoy life. This is why I will never understand how people can live without Christ, because even when there seems to be no hope, I can always count on Him. Without hope I wouldn't even want to live, as I am sure many others feel the same.
Being hopeless is so sad to me. Without hope of anything, you will ask what's the point of trying? A big example would be the job market today. It is really tough to find a job, but the fact of the matter is, there are jobs that are available, you just have to work at finding them. However if you are hopeless, then what would be the point of looking for a job if they are just going to turn you down anyway? I know I've had thoughts like that. It took all last week to work me out of that too. I applied to over thirty jobs and I've still only had one potential job come up. I hope that I get it, because I think I would do good at it, and because I need a way to provide for my family. If I didn't have hope in something, I probably would have given up a long time ago.
The truth is, I've seen a lot of people without hope recently, and it is very discouraging on me emotionally, and very unhealthy for me spiritually. Being here at Toccoa, I've realized with sadness, is stifling my relationship with God. It's like being part of the seed that fell on thorny ground. This place is so spiritually oppressed it's scary how you can forget it's there. So, even though I don't really want to move, having an opportunity to be around people who will help me in my growth will be very good for me. Truly, I will miss my friends, and my ability to see them almost daily if we so choose, but it is time to move on I guess. Time to enter another chapter of a story that is my life. I only hope it is one that people will find worth reading.
Grace and Peace
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Round and Round We Go
This week has been a little disheartening. Not for anything that has happened to me specifically, and it's not like I can really complain, because whenever something does happen I come through it all right. However, there still has been a lot going on within the tattered confines the mess that I am. Thank God that He is ever mending me.
I've had a couple of troubling thoughts as of late, and I don't really know where to go with them. Should I accept them as definite possibilities? Or perhaps, is it a lack of trust in my provider? I doubt that it is the latter, but still it is a question I ask myself.
I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. Every story has to have it's peaks and valleys, and every character has to lose something in order to gain something better. I suppose that is where I am at in my story. Just trying to make it through the night so that in the morning I can find that my hope isn't something shallow, but something beautiful, real, and exciting. I know that I'll come through this... I guess I'm just ready for a few happy endings this week, cause honestly, it's been a rough ride these past couple of weeks.
Keep me in your prayers.
Still looking for a job.
Grace and Peace
I've had a couple of troubling thoughts as of late, and I don't really know where to go with them. Should I accept them as definite possibilities? Or perhaps, is it a lack of trust in my provider? I doubt that it is the latter, but still it is a question I ask myself.
I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. Every story has to have it's peaks and valleys, and every character has to lose something in order to gain something better. I suppose that is where I am at in my story. Just trying to make it through the night so that in the morning I can find that my hope isn't something shallow, but something beautiful, real, and exciting. I know that I'll come through this... I guess I'm just ready for a few happy endings this week, cause honestly, it's been a rough ride these past couple of weeks.
Keep me in your prayers.
Still looking for a job.
Grace and Peace
Monday, June 21, 2010
For Every To there is a Fro...
I find it a little funny that I haven't posted in about a month. I used to post on this thing all the time, but lately I've either had no time to write, or I lose whatever profound (to me) thought I had before I get to jot it down. However, I feel compelled to write, so perhaps you will get something interesting out of it. We shall see.
Today, June 20th, my wife and I celebrated our first year of life together as a married couple. It has been a great first year. So many people say that the first year is the worst, but I am beginning to see that it really just depends on the couple. Of course, that being said, I wonder how I will feel about it when June 20, 2011 comes rolling around. Either way, I can firmly say that I would not ever take the decision back. It's been a wonderful time of growth in my life.
Speaking of which, it seems time has been traveling faster than I want it to (as usual). The fact that it has already been a year is astounding to me, especially when I can still remember the day of our wedding like it occurred yesterday. Within the year I have had my best friend become a father... a very proud father I might add, I've seen his wedding (which occurred before the fatherhood), I've had a friend become engaged to the girl of his dreams, and I've had another friend recently learn that he was going to be a father. All within the year, and it has been a very good year. Truthfully speaking this year hasn't been all rainbows and chocobos, it has had its points in the valley too.
The most notable valley I have encountered would be the loss of my job in May. Although, I do not wish I was still working there, and I have nothing against the job, I have found it incredibly tough to find a job. I have applied to probably around 50 jobs in the past 4 weeks and I have only heard back from one organization. Unfortunately, I was not a good fit for their organization and out of respect I turned down the job offer. So the hunt is back on starting Monday. I guess it's time to try a different tactic. However, what is the use of dwelling on the negative?
Also, though I know many will not read this, I would like to wish all those out there who are fathers a wonderful Father's Day to you. I have great respect for my father, and have learned many things from him during my time as his son. I would not ask for another father despite the mountainous journey we have had during the earlier stages of my life. Still, just as with my mother, I value his advice, his counsel, and of course his presence. I love my family and would do anything for them.
I guess that's all I got to say. Thanks for staying faithful readers. If you know of any jobs available leave a comment. I'm getting pretty desperate :)
Today, June 20th, my wife and I celebrated our first year of life together as a married couple. It has been a great first year. So many people say that the first year is the worst, but I am beginning to see that it really just depends on the couple. Of course, that being said, I wonder how I will feel about it when June 20, 2011 comes rolling around. Either way, I can firmly say that I would not ever take the decision back. It's been a wonderful time of growth in my life.
Speaking of which, it seems time has been traveling faster than I want it to (as usual). The fact that it has already been a year is astounding to me, especially when I can still remember the day of our wedding like it occurred yesterday. Within the year I have had my best friend become a father... a very proud father I might add, I've seen his wedding (which occurred before the fatherhood), I've had a friend become engaged to the girl of his dreams, and I've had another friend recently learn that he was going to be a father. All within the year, and it has been a very good year. Truthfully speaking this year hasn't been all rainbows and chocobos, it has had its points in the valley too.
The most notable valley I have encountered would be the loss of my job in May. Although, I do not wish I was still working there, and I have nothing against the job, I have found it incredibly tough to find a job. I have applied to probably around 50 jobs in the past 4 weeks and I have only heard back from one organization. Unfortunately, I was not a good fit for their organization and out of respect I turned down the job offer. So the hunt is back on starting Monday. I guess it's time to try a different tactic. However, what is the use of dwelling on the negative?
Also, though I know many will not read this, I would like to wish all those out there who are fathers a wonderful Father's Day to you. I have great respect for my father, and have learned many things from him during my time as his son. I would not ask for another father despite the mountainous journey we have had during the earlier stages of my life. Still, just as with my mother, I value his advice, his counsel, and of course his presence. I love my family and would do anything for them.
I guess that's all I got to say. Thanks for staying faithful readers. If you know of any jobs available leave a comment. I'm getting pretty desperate :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Pièce de Résistance
Every story has two major parts: a driving force and an apposing force. This takes place in many ways, from the protagonist and the events that bring his/her story to bare. Or on the opposite side of that, the antagonist (be it an apposing character, some disaster, event, etc), brings a resistance to make the protagonists story that much more enthralling. I've come to a conclusion that our lives are often like stories... and for any story to change from monotony to exciting there has to be that resistance.
In my life story, I have hit a major hitch of resistance. I do not know if I would call my story great, but I hope that by the end of it all people can say that I lived a great story. I've always felt that God wanted me to have something to do with full time ministry, but as of today I have been officially fired from every single ministry job I've ever had. The resistance (or is it?)
Is it possible that I have misinterpreted what I have felt to be God's guidance for me for multiple years? Surely, God would have corrected that path if it were true. Ah, but what about how I interpret the meaning of the guidance? That is much more likely. Because the truth is, there are so many ways to be involved in ministry, and only a handful require being hired by the church.
There is something, however, that I feel is rather clear. He wants me to write. I started a story quite a while back (well, truth be told, I've started a lot of stories), and I really think He wants me to finish it. After all, He was the one that told me to start writing it in the first place, so I guess it makes sense.
Maybe rather than a resistant force, this is what is called the inciting incident. The event that forces the character through a door or down a path through which he cannot return. Perhaps, this event will lead to something much greater than I could ever anticipate. Who knows? And so, I wash my hands of this whole mess. I can't let the resistance limit me, but I can allow the experience to grow me.
I think for now, I will be on a hiatus from church work. It obviously isn't the way to go at the moment.
Grace and Peace
P.S. Birthday went well. Really uneventful, but I guess in a lot of cases that is a good thing.
In my life story, I have hit a major hitch of resistance. I do not know if I would call my story great, but I hope that by the end of it all people can say that I lived a great story. I've always felt that God wanted me to have something to do with full time ministry, but as of today I have been officially fired from every single ministry job I've ever had. The resistance (or is it?)
Is it possible that I have misinterpreted what I have felt to be God's guidance for me for multiple years? Surely, God would have corrected that path if it were true. Ah, but what about how I interpret the meaning of the guidance? That is much more likely. Because the truth is, there are so many ways to be involved in ministry, and only a handful require being hired by the church.
There is something, however, that I feel is rather clear. He wants me to write. I started a story quite a while back (well, truth be told, I've started a lot of stories), and I really think He wants me to finish it. After all, He was the one that told me to start writing it in the first place, so I guess it makes sense.
Maybe rather than a resistant force, this is what is called the inciting incident. The event that forces the character through a door or down a path through which he cannot return. Perhaps, this event will lead to something much greater than I could ever anticipate. Who knows? And so, I wash my hands of this whole mess. I can't let the resistance limit me, but I can allow the experience to grow me.
I think for now, I will be on a hiatus from church work. It obviously isn't the way to go at the moment.
Grace and Peace
P.S. Birthday went well. Really uneventful, but I guess in a lot of cases that is a good thing.
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