My Life is a Story

All too often we take things for granted. Recently, Japan was slammed with two relatively close together earthquakes and a massive tsunami in between. Many people lost their homes, family, and some even lost their lives. Just days before those same people were making plans that were taking place the day the earthquakes and tsunami occurred.

I know that so many people have had moments where they realize that life is beyond our homes, our cities, or even our country. We can gripe and complain all we want about how our jobs are annoying us, how we disapprove of how our government is run, but ultimately it comes to nothing. In the greatest success or the worst failures our purpose cannot be found. As it says in Ecclesiastes, "It's all meaningless."

I cannot go through life as an audience to my story. Instead, I want to be an active participant. A side character to the protagonist, if you will. If the world is a stage, then perhaps I could be the background musician in this concert of life. The lead, of course, belongs to Christ. His story brings about a purpose to every event I have experienced. The events that lead to a climax that our history has yet to experience. I look forward to that day.

You may choose to believe that there is no God, or that what the Christians believe is a bunch of ravings of a mad man and his insane followers. However, I believe that the way of life, of living really, depicted in a series of books that have proven consistent for over two thousand years, known as a religious text by some, and the Word of God by others is the correct way to live. Nothing else that I have read, seen, or even heard brought before me seems to focus on the benefit of others like Scripture. Nothing else seems to show a way, that if executed perfectly, could lead to a world peace. A peace, I might add, that man people desire but do not know how to live it.

I choose to live my story this way because nothing else can give me what I want and need. A holistic identity that comes only from a being not with my understanding. A supernatural deity, if you will, whose infinite dwarfs my finite. So, I will live for something greater than myself in hope that a greater future lay ahead. To quote a character from the recently released move Sucker Punch:

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything ."

And, Honestly, if there is no hope that drives you, then why bother with anything?

Grace and Peace

Paradox

I am no genius, but I am smart.

I am no Superman, but I am not weak.

I am never alone, but I am often by myself.

People don't get me, but I am understood.

I can do nothing, but I'm not helpless.

My life is a paradox.

Such is the Christian life, no? We live in an upside-down reality. Where the world says success comes from getting all the wealth you can; Christ said to give it all away. Where the world says love is all about the feeling; Christ pointed out that it was all about choice. Where the world says that the life is all about the individual; Christ said that it was all about the many. To love God first, and then to love others.

Christianity is very much a paradox to life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Meaningful out of the Meaningless

If there is one thing I miss more than anything else at the moment, it would have to be the meaningful conversations I used to have with my friends while at college, or even in high school. I cannot remember the last time I spent an hour or more just sitting and talking about life, love, God, or any other topic concerning humanity. I deeply, truly miss it. It might have been those types of conversations that led to some of the biggest changes and shifts in my perceptions of said topics. Maybe, it is simply because I am impressionable, or because the discussions I had were with friends that at times I wanted to be like; whatever the case, I know that I am different from who I was because of conversations like that.

I don't really have meaningful conversations anymore. Sometimes, my wife and I will talk about something with significance, but that usually occurs because we need to resolve an issue, or it is concerns an aspect of the story I've been working on. Otherwise, I don't really have friends here who I can talk to about absolutely nothing, and everything at the same time.

However, I can't say that meaningful conversations are the only thing I miss. I also miss the feeling that I'm doing something meaningful with my life. I look at my life and ask questions like: “What am I doing that can impact another in a positive way?” or, “How am I doing anything significant where I am at now?” But the truth is, I just never learned to fully appreciate how even a friendly smile can be meaningful for someone else. It seems that I have fallen into a trap that I never wanted to be in. I think that I had subconsciously come to the belief that only when I was in ministry that I was doing something significant. This is a mindset that makes me blanch, and one that I have fought against for about as long as I've been able to understand the negative aspects of the mindset.

The truth is, there are thousands of Christians who, every day, put meaning in the work that they do. Every day they go to work and share the Master's way through their words, their attitudes, and their lifestyle, and here I am feeling so insignificant because there is no grandiose title that says “look at me, I'm doing good stuff for God!” What a way to start an ego trip. I'm actually glad that I'm not working for a church at the moment. It has been very good for me.

I am working on fully understanding what it means to find significance in what I do. Let's be honest here, working in retail doesn't really change the world; however, on the bright side, all the people you interact with and leave a good impression with can lead to a life that is changed one day at a time. So, although I'm not where I want to be, I know I am where I need to be. I am thankful for the moments like this when God makes me realize something that I didn't even realize I had done. He is everything meaningful in all the “meaningless” times I experience, and I know that one day I will be given the opportunity to have a plethora of meaningful conversations again, and I know that every day is a chance to do something meaningful, if only for one person. It is something worth pursuing, even if only one individual is impacted.

Just some thoughts.

Grace and Peace.

Updates 101

So, I haven't really written in this blog in a while, and I figured it was about time I did so.

Life has definitely been full of ups and downs, lefts and rights, and even some diagonals. While I have had quite a few good things happen to me in the past few months, the reality is that growing up has not gotten any easier, and it still sucks.

Lately, my wife and I have been having trouble with the people she got a school loan with. They call endlessly, are generally uninformed of the things we have done to correct problems or make up payments that we are behind, and do not do what they say they will do. So, despite doing our best to take care of the loan payments, they are not making it easy, and it is hurting our pocket book quite a bit. Of course, this would not be such an issue if I did not have to make payments to my school, or try to find ways to rent an apartment and finally get out of my in-laws house.

Don't get me wrong, I am completely grateful to my in-laws for housing us, but I want to get out. I feel a little trapped within the walls of the house, and I'm constantly on my toes. I need a place for my own, and I don't want to burden them any more than I already have been (though, they would never admit that).

I am grateful for having a job, but truthfully I don't have the hours or pay I need to satisfy the greedy loans. I'm hoping that I will actually have some type of return for taxes, even if it is small. Still, a small paycheck is better than no paycheck. And I can't really say that everything is awful, because it's not. I still have a roof over my head, I still have family who loves and cares for me, I still have friends who actually like to talk to me, and God is still providing for me in ways that blow my mind, including financially.

So, all that to say, "Hi, I'm still alive." Things really aren't all that bad, it just feels overbearing at times.

Grace and Peace

On Claiming Sin

Over the past week I have come to recognize something that disturbs me a little. It first dawned on my during Sunday School this past week, but then revealed itself more throughout the week as I continued my studies in Job. The thing I came to realize is this. People are very quick to claim sin on something. Prime example would be that gambling is a sin. But the truth is, just as drinking is not a sin, I do not think buying a lottery ticket is a sin, or spending money at the slot machines. The only time I take issue with people drinking or gambling is when either God spoke to them and gave them orders not to (which, who can judge that?) or, if it is something being done irresponsibly and thus not taking care of what God has given them. going back to the gambling example for a moment, if someone has the finances to take care of their family and pay for all of their expenses, then why must they abstain from something they enjoy and have the spare "free" cash for? It's just a thought.

Not only are people quick to claim sin on things that are, at best, based upon motives, but also on the circumstances people are faced with. This is evident in the way Job's friends talked to him. Although what they spoke of concerning God is true, the fact that they assumed that Job's problems were the result of some sin he had committed echos in everyday life even today. I can still remember when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I remember hearing certain people express their opinion that the city was flooded because of how "morally corrupt" the city was. To that I ask, then how are some of our most corrupt politicians having no trouble in their lives, and how are some of the most righteous people suffering through all kinds of troubles, struggling just to get by with the day-to-day, and surviving on little hope.

I know that sometimes the things we do can lead to us getting into a sludge we have a hard time getting pulled out of, but the truth is, if we are going to label neutral things as being a "slippery slope" to sin, then maybe we should just say everything can lead to sin. Going to church can lead to sin, because we will become complacent, legalistic, and judgmental toward others. Sleeping can lead to sin, because if we enjoy sleeping too much we will become lazy and not work the way we should. Talking can lead to sin, because we will curse our neighbors and tear them down with our words. I know this is an exaggeration to some degree, but I hope I'm making my point clear.

I am not mad, it just seems a little silly to be so quick to call something as if everything is black and white. However, I've found that most things are definitely not black or white, because there is always more to the story than what our own perspectives lend us. So, I think we need to stop being so overcautious and get out there and try. How are we to reach people, when all we do is hole ourselves up in our churches and try avoiding looking at someone funny so that we don't offend someone and then cause them to sin.

Again, I am exaggerating. It is simply food for thought.

Grace and Peace

Star Wars Subway Car

I just had to share this... it's too good for others not to see. :)

Got Hope?

So I've come across an interesting thought these past couple of days. A life without any hope is a rather hopeless life. Now I know that sounds really cheesy but just take a moment and think about the meaning of the phrase. Without any hope in our lives all we have is despair, depression, cynicism, pessimism, and often times a passive aggressiveness. Not to mention one can become jaded about the things around them because they see no hope in anything, and hate those who do have hope.

OK, so that is merely an accumulation of what I've seen. So, technically, that's not the definite end result. However, it is common enough to see that I think many who read this could think of someone they know who has lost hope. I've even been down the path of lost hope multiple times myself, but I'm beginning to see that when I lose hope I'm just wasting my life. I become apathetic, lazy, lethargic, angsty, etc., and it's just not worth it. It's not healthy for either myself or those around me, and it certainly isn't me having a fun or fulfilling life.

I know, life isn't all about how much fun you can have, but I have to say, even when life hits you hard, you can still have hope and enjoy life. This is why I will never understand how people can live without Christ, because even when there seems to be no hope, I can always count on Him. Without hope I wouldn't even want to live, as I am sure many others feel the same.

Being hopeless is so sad to me. Without hope of anything, you will ask what's the point of trying? A big example would be the job market today. It is really tough to find a job, but the fact of the matter is, there are jobs that are available, you just have to work at finding them. However if you are hopeless, then what would be the point of looking for a job if they are just going to turn you down anyway? I know I've had thoughts like that. It took all last week to work me out of that too. I applied to over thirty jobs and I've still only had one potential job come up. I hope that I get it, because I think I would do good at it, and because I need a way to provide for my family. If I didn't have hope in something, I probably would have given up a long time ago.

The truth is, I've seen a lot of people without hope recently, and it is very discouraging on me emotionally, and very unhealthy for me spiritually. Being here at Toccoa, I've realized with sadness, is stifling my relationship with God. It's like being part of the seed that fell on thorny ground. This place is so spiritually oppressed it's scary how you can forget it's there. So, even though I don't really want to move, having an opportunity to be around people who will help me in my growth will be very good for me. Truly, I will miss my friends, and my ability to see them almost daily if we so choose, but it is time to move on I guess. Time to enter another chapter of a story that is my life. I only hope it is one that people will find worth reading.

Grace and Peace