One Bloody Rose

First day back and it has certainly been an interesting day. It's been nice to see everyone again, and on the plus side of that, most people seemed to have been relieved of some type of burden over the weekend. I guess there were many people who needed to have some days off from school, and life in general. Perhaps, it was not everyone, but many people seemed lighter to say the least.

However, there is still a darkness that seems to cover this campus. Perhaps, it is just the cycle of life. We all have those days, months, maybe even years, when nothing seems to go right. I know I have had my fair share of them, and none of those times have been pleasant, but they have all proved to benefit me in some way, and that is just the way God works I suppose.

It made me genuinely happy to see my friends happy, and having a good day, and it makes me genuinely sad when they are sad. I'm such a sponge of the atmosphere surrounding them, that they could tell me something completely opposite of what is the truth and I would know deep down that they were not being honest with me. I'm not sure why, but I've always been like that.

I've learned something recently... life has phases, oh so many phases, and interestingly enough, even though one's perspective may change because these phases, that does not mean that the situations themselves have changed. For instance, since freshman year at college my interaction with my friends has gotten more sporadic and less consistent, whether by busy class schedules, or anything else that can occur, but my caring for them, and my concern on their behalf have not changed. I would easily drop everything I'm doing to go to their side, whether as a support, or just someone to listen; whatever the need I will fulfill it if I can. That's what I do, that's who I am, and I cannot change that, nor do I want to.

I feel kinda sad. I'm not sure why... perhaps it is because I know that a friend is probably going to get hurt with the path he is taking, and I hope that I am wrong.

Well, considering I can't seem to arrange my thoughts any further in a coherent fashion I'm going to stop here. Just got to keep praying, and watching, and waiting, and helping where I can.

Grace and Peace

Life 101

Don't really know what to blog about, just felt like it was time for an update.

Life is going pretty well. I've been thrown through a refining fire and came out the other side. Got the burns to prove it too (not literally, just fyi. I'm still physically sound). God has certainly had His way with me, and that's the way it should be. I am talking with Him in ways that I had forgotten about. I don't fee like I'm yelling across a chasm anymore, which is wonderful. I missed being able to just sit in His lap and be. Not that the offer wasn't there; it has always been there, but I somehow learned to ignore it. Shame on me.

For most of the semester I have had to use a friends computer because both my MAC lappy and my PC desktop are kind of... malfunctioning, heh. However, through good parents and God's provision I now have a "new to me" laptop that will satiate my compy needs. Yay, God! Yay, Parents! Once again He proves to me just how much of a Jehaovah Jira He is.

I guess that's all I got for now. Until later.

Grace and Peace

Looking Down From Above

"I stand above the earth. With acute hearing, I listen to the happenings below me, watching, waiting, looking for something (or someone) that I know needs to be found. Once I find it, I will leap down, and pick it up, only to bring it into the healing it has always wanted."

I cannot begin to explain how real that statement feels to me lately. I feel like I can "hear" people's deepest secrets. It's not that they are coherent, and so I know everything about them, but I know that they are being expressed in the most subtle of ways. From the smile that does not reach the eyes, to the joke that forces a laughter from one full of sorrow, to the genuine joy of knowing Christ's love. Everyone's lifesong seems to overwhelm me. I'm not used to this feeling, and I'm not sure how to handle it yet. It's like discovering you can hear people's thoughts, and not knowing how to dim the ones that are not as important as others. And though I don't think I'm actually hearing these things, there is definitely a distinct presence about people, and I am often overcome with the feeling to pray for them immediately even when I'm a good seventy feet away. My only solitude from the noise is an "oasis" that I essentially live on when I'm not on the ground.

What does it all mean? I couldn't tell you, even if I knew ^_^ It is such a personal picture I don't think that my mind can fully comprehend the depth of it all, but my spirit does, and as I commune with God I will gradually understand it. I feel as though I am a protector. My purpose is not to engulf myself in war, though it may have it's place, but rather I am to train those who are, and not just train them, but protect them, until they are ready. I have a smithy... I'm sure it will come in hand later in life. Perhaps, I'll be able to equip these people I am protecting.

Really, it's quite fascinating.

My heart is weighted down by these "secrets" though. I feel very sad for some people, and overcome with joy and happiness for others. I definitely need to learn how to handle this new "power" soon so I don't go crazy in a panicked state. heh.

Grace and Peace.

Experiential Experiences

This weekend... has been great.

I did not get a ton of rest, but when has one ever gotten sleep at youth retreats?

The main theme was this concept of having our identity in Christ. Which was wonderful, because there are so many different names that Christ gives us. For instance, instead of believing the lie of our name being "worthless" we can be confident of the true name which is "valued"; instead of weak there is "strength"... the names are endless.

I got a new name this weekend. It made me happy.

And I got to practice some of my spiritual gifts. That also made me happy.

And I had another vision today related to the last one I posted. That one made me so happy I almost cried.

hurray God.

Grace and Peace