These will probably be my concluding thoughts on the matter, unless I deem it necessary to make an addendum to what has been said.
The son of God, born unto a virgin name Mary; such humble beginnings for a man who would become the Savior of our very souls. God incarnate, Christ came to save the world so that anyone who believed in Him would be given eternal life (John 3:16). Most people know about this Christ, but was that the only thing He came to do? If it is, then why spend three additional years teaching truths and healing? What was Christ's mission? There are so many questions concerning Christ, I doubt I could adequately answer a few, much less the many surrounding my mind.
I believe that Christ came to redeem culture. The very fact that he sacrificed His own life to give us an opportunity to spend an eternity as co-heirs with him in heaven is a very strong evidence of that. I find it very difficult to believe that Christ completely rejected the culture He was in, especially when He would spend time teaching on that very culture and how those who follow God should act within said culture. He wanted to reshape the culture, not create something entirely new. Jesus himself stated:
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished”
(Matthew 5:17-18 ESV).
What does the law have to do with culture you may ask? Everything. It is just as much an intergral part of culture as the stories we tell, or the music we create. I firmly believe that when God gave the law to Moses, He was creating a culture; one that was built around worshipping Him, and honoring Him the only way the Israelites would have known how at the time. Here in Matthew 5, we see that Jesus is taking that very same law that has been with the Jews for thousands of years and revealing more about it. He is reminding them, and perhaps even revealing a new aspect about God and what He meant when He gave them their law. Jesus begins a new era of how we understand who God is.
I don't want to leave the impression that Christ accepted and condoned everything about the culture He was in. On the contrary, there are many places where Jesus points out that what is being done is wrong. There is plenty of evidence of this in Matthew 5, where He speaks against murder, against adultery, against divorce, and many other things (ESV). In fact, divorce was all too common during the time Jesus taught. The Jews believed they could divorce their wife for just about any reason, as long as it was a cause for the man to find his wife unpleasing; for instance, if she burnt a meal. It would be easiest to say that Jesus turned the way people understood God upside-down and it presented many with the opportunity to truly understand God. Eventually, Christ would present before many that it is not so much the letter of the law that is important, but how we choose to honor the heavenly Father that matters. Ultimately, I believe that Christ wanted to bring us back to God, to the point where we could walk daily with Him, a return to Eden.
Many have called Christ the “second Adam”, and I can understand why. In scripture, there is a recording of both Adam and Jesus being tempted; the first failed, the second overcame. In this overcoming, Jesus was able to present to humanity and to God that perfection is achievable, and it was only because Christ overcame that He would be able to be the conduit in which humanity would be saved from its sin. Thus, allowing the opportunity to renew the relationship that was severed so many years prior. Perhaps, that is where the true culture of any believer takes place, within the relationship with the Creator; and if what God really wants is to bring us back to Him, why not do so through a beautiful story of sacrifice, love, and redemption? I really do believe that Christ did not want to demolish our culture, but rather give it a jump start, a “rebirth” of sorts to bring us back into that relationship found in Eden.
What does that mean for us in the here and now then? What can we learn from Christ and His disciples? I leave that up to you to decide.
Grace and Peace
Showing posts with label College Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label College Life. Show all posts
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Christ and Culture, part 3: Communication in Scripture
When it comes to communication and scripture, the first place I would like to look is the account of creation. As strange as it may seem, this is perhaps the best place to start because it is the beginning. If I were to read Genesis 1, I would find very quickly that God did not create through an action (such as waving his hands a certain way), but rather He spoke and it was there ex nihilo, or “out of nothing”. God speaks, and things exist. In fact, just within chapter 1 of Genesis alone there are sixteen different places that consist of God speaking, three of which are places where He is speaking of or to humans (Genesis 1 ESV). When God speaks to humans He essentially tells them to go and create culture; what we would consider, perhaps, the perfect ideal culture of walking with God daily. Unfortunately, our words can be used for both good and bad, as is evidenced by the dialoge between Eve and the serpent. It was through words that Eve decided to eat fruit of the tree, and then to give some to her husband who was standing there with her (Genesis 3:1-7). Our words are indeed powerful things if they can lead to what would become the downfall of all of humankind.
Progressing from Genesis, one will find there are many verses about speech within Psalms. Verses that tell believers that their words should be pleasing to God (Psalm 19:14). In fact, Psalm 34:12-13 says this, “What man is there who desires life and love many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit” (ESV). Who would have thought that the way we communicate could impact our way of life? It is obvious that God wants us to be careful with what we say, and when we say it; if He did not care what we communicated then much of scripture would not be necessary.
Proverbs also has a fair share of verses concerning our speech and actions. In Proverbs we learn that God hates perverted speech (Proverbs 8:13), that our words can bring healing or it can stir up problems (Proverbs 15:4), and perhaps the most well known passage is the one that says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). If one were to study the chapters of proverbs it would become apparent very quickly that God will honor certain types of speech, and that others are sinful. One would also discover that speaking whatever comes to mind is not the wisest thing to do. In fact, it would be wiser to not speak at all then to speak without putting thought behind what is being said. That is the very thought that is brought before the reader in Ecclesiastes 5:2-4, which states:
“Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool's voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow” (ESV).
I truly hope that the reader is beginning to see just how potent our words are, be they for good or for ill. We should certainly strive to be true to our word and do what we say, but we should also be careful in what we say so that we may not regret anything. For even Christ told us to let our “yes” mean yes, and our “no” mean no (Matthew 5:37 NIV).
There is one final passage that I would like to look at before moving on to who Christ really was so that we may have a fuller understanding of what the question of Christ and culture really is. The passage is in James 3:
“But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water” (James 3:8-12 ESV).
This passage is at the core of what James teaches about our words. Before this passage he compares the tongue to the bridle in a horses mouth, and a rudder to a large ship, stating that just as something so small and simple can guide the direction of an animal or large ship, so too can the tongue impact the way life goes. James even goes as far as to say that the tongue is much like a small spark of flame that can easily burn an entire forest to the ground if not kept in check (James 3:3-6).
This passage speaks out to me more than any of the other ones that I have presented thus far because it is perhaps the most direct passage, and I have frequently found this passage to be true of me, for though I love God, I do not always show it through my words and actions. This passage serves as a reminder to me, and I hope to all Christians, that we must be extremely careful with what we say because people are watching and listening all the time. That is why when Christians cry out against movies like The Golden Compass or books such as Harry Potter we are watched carefully and judged harshly. Indeed, there are times when I wish to not associate myself with Christianity because, for many people, it brings to many negative assumptions about who I am, and thus hurts my ability to share what is truly important, the love of Christ. Which brings us to the next point: Who was Christ?
Again, more thoughts to come as I continue the paper. Feel free to give your input, I'm just flushing out thoughts.
Grace and Peace.
Progressing from Genesis, one will find there are many verses about speech within Psalms. Verses that tell believers that their words should be pleasing to God (Psalm 19:14). In fact, Psalm 34:12-13 says this, “What man is there who desires life and love many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit” (ESV). Who would have thought that the way we communicate could impact our way of life? It is obvious that God wants us to be careful with what we say, and when we say it; if He did not care what we communicated then much of scripture would not be necessary.
Proverbs also has a fair share of verses concerning our speech and actions. In Proverbs we learn that God hates perverted speech (Proverbs 8:13), that our words can bring healing or it can stir up problems (Proverbs 15:4), and perhaps the most well known passage is the one that says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). If one were to study the chapters of proverbs it would become apparent very quickly that God will honor certain types of speech, and that others are sinful. One would also discover that speaking whatever comes to mind is not the wisest thing to do. In fact, it would be wiser to not speak at all then to speak without putting thought behind what is being said. That is the very thought that is brought before the reader in Ecclesiastes 5:2-4, which states:
“Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool's voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow” (ESV).
I truly hope that the reader is beginning to see just how potent our words are, be they for good or for ill. We should certainly strive to be true to our word and do what we say, but we should also be careful in what we say so that we may not regret anything. For even Christ told us to let our “yes” mean yes, and our “no” mean no (Matthew 5:37 NIV).
There is one final passage that I would like to look at before moving on to who Christ really was so that we may have a fuller understanding of what the question of Christ and culture really is. The passage is in James 3:
“But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water” (James 3:8-12 ESV).
This passage is at the core of what James teaches about our words. Before this passage he compares the tongue to the bridle in a horses mouth, and a rudder to a large ship, stating that just as something so small and simple can guide the direction of an animal or large ship, so too can the tongue impact the way life goes. James even goes as far as to say that the tongue is much like a small spark of flame that can easily burn an entire forest to the ground if not kept in check (James 3:3-6).
This passage speaks out to me more than any of the other ones that I have presented thus far because it is perhaps the most direct passage, and I have frequently found this passage to be true of me, for though I love God, I do not always show it through my words and actions. This passage serves as a reminder to me, and I hope to all Christians, that we must be extremely careful with what we say because people are watching and listening all the time. That is why when Christians cry out against movies like The Golden Compass or books such as Harry Potter we are watched carefully and judged harshly. Indeed, there are times when I wish to not associate myself with Christianity because, for many people, it brings to many negative assumptions about who I am, and thus hurts my ability to share what is truly important, the love of Christ. Which brings us to the next point: Who was Christ?
Again, more thoughts to come as I continue the paper. Feel free to give your input, I'm just flushing out thoughts.
Grace and Peace.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Christ and Culture, part 2
I gave my initial thoughts on the whole situation between Christ and Culture, and I realize the break between my last post and this one is quite large. I guess to some degree this post is more of a part 1 redone. But I thought it would be good to discuss what culture is and how it is formed to give a grounds to what I say. The next few paragraphs are directly from the paper I'm currently working on.
What exactly is culture, and how does it take form? It is important to have an understanding of what culture is in order to adequately answer the question of Christ and culture. Culture, in the most practical application of the word, is the expression of beliefs, values, and ethics of people groups, or societies. This expression becomes visible in a plethora of ways ranging from art and music, to the writings or stories, and even to the very way the people act with each other within their group or society. With the many varieties of cultures that any one person can experience within their lifetime it is easy to see that there are many approaches to any one problem, and as a result many answers. Culture is such an integral part of the human life that I would argue it is impossible to act outside of the culture one is in without creating some type of side culture; it is as if it is a part of who we are. Indeed, many would say that our culture is what shapes us into the people we will become, and are. Thus, as culture changes, so too do those who are immersed within it.
How is culture formed? I believe it is formed through our words and the actions that follow them. An example of this would be whenever there was a major shift in the eras of human history (Medieval, Renaissance, Reformation, etc.) they are started by words first, be it written or vocalized, and then actions followed through. For instance, the act that really lead to the reformation for many people was Martin Luther's posting of the ninety-five theses. To put it simply, I believe words can create and shape culture. This is why it is so important for Christians to understand what scripture teaches on communication, for it is through our communication (and not just in words) that we can shape and create culture around ourselves. In fact, there is already different forms of what we call Christian culture, and sadly, many of them I find to be a poor representation of what Christ wanted of His church. What is worse, some even hinder the furthering of the Gospel. It is with this understanding that our words are much more potent than many realize that I seek the answer to the question: What does scripture teach about communication?
More to come as the paper progresses. Grace and Peace
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Christ and Culture, part 1
So, I have to write a paper for my Senior Seminar class that is concerned with Christ and His response to culture (for, against, etc). This is probably going to be one of the few papers that I will enjoy writing (minus taking all the time to get the research done). That being said, as I flush my thoughts out a little I thought I would share what I have gotten. People are free to comment in agreement or disagreement but keep in mind this isn't totally thought out, it's just the initial thoughts.
Was Christ For or Against Culture?
All throughout Scripture we can see that God likes to work with what is already in existence to do the things He wants to get done. For example, Jesus taught the law that the Jews knew so well. To be more specific He taught the law that God gave and not the other "interpretations" of the law that came later. Rather than creating something new from nothing, Jesus refined the understanding of the law, which in turned had a new affect. So, my first argument is that Christ is for culture. The reason I say this is because if Christ, who is God, was against culture, why would God create a law in the first place? The very essence of the law creates a culture. Why wear the same clothes, and speak the same language? I guess what I'm really trying to say is that Christ seemed to want to redeem and refine the culture that was already in lace. He saw the potential that each disciple had, that each person has, and decided we were all worth the love he gave and the blood he shed.
Christ clarified the law. As stated in Scripture He did not come to "abolish the law, but to fulfill it". Again I argue that God's law created a culture. By the time Christ was born on Earth, however, that culture has become corrupted many times over. Jesus' teachings were meant to bring people back to the culture that God had established, but with a different look. Before this point there is no understanding of what God really wants when He gives us the law, because the people weren't ready; but Jesus refines the understanding here by clarifying what is meant and explaining (perhaps subtly) what the "spirit" of the law was.
If Christ was against culture, then shouldn't His disciples also be against culture? Then why did Paul choose to become "all things, to all men, that I might save some"? Surely the implications of being part of their culture in order to relate can be found in this verse. Or what of the Gentiles Paul talked to, were they supposed to reject culture? No. the only way for Christians to escape culture is to confine themselves away from everyone else (which is horribly unhealthy).
Despite how much a part of culture Christ was, there were aspects that He openly disagreed with and purposefully chose not to practice. All of which were things that were seen as unpleasing and sinful in God's sight. His disciples evidenced this aspect in their own life as well, and we as followers of Christ should also exhibit this behavior.
In conclusion: Christ did not aim to replace the culture He was in, but rather, He aimed to redeem and refine it to what it was originally planned to be. He became the catalyst to set that refinement in motion.
So the question then is, How should we react?
More thoughts to come after the break.
Was Christ For or Against Culture?
All throughout Scripture we can see that God likes to work with what is already in existence to do the things He wants to get done. For example, Jesus taught the law that the Jews knew so well. To be more specific He taught the law that God gave and not the other "interpretations" of the law that came later. Rather than creating something new from nothing, Jesus refined the understanding of the law, which in turned had a new affect. So, my first argument is that Christ is for culture. The reason I say this is because if Christ, who is God, was against culture, why would God create a law in the first place? The very essence of the law creates a culture. Why wear the same clothes, and speak the same language? I guess what I'm really trying to say is that Christ seemed to want to redeem and refine the culture that was already in lace. He saw the potential that each disciple had, that each person has, and decided we were all worth the love he gave and the blood he shed.
Christ clarified the law. As stated in Scripture He did not come to "abolish the law, but to fulfill it". Again I argue that God's law created a culture. By the time Christ was born on Earth, however, that culture has become corrupted many times over. Jesus' teachings were meant to bring people back to the culture that God had established, but with a different look. Before this point there is no understanding of what God really wants when He gives us the law, because the people weren't ready; but Jesus refines the understanding here by clarifying what is meant and explaining (perhaps subtly) what the "spirit" of the law was.
If Christ was against culture, then shouldn't His disciples also be against culture? Then why did Paul choose to become "all things, to all men, that I might save some"? Surely the implications of being part of their culture in order to relate can be found in this verse. Or what of the Gentiles Paul talked to, were they supposed to reject culture? No. the only way for Christians to escape culture is to confine themselves away from everyone else (which is horribly unhealthy).
Despite how much a part of culture Christ was, there were aspects that He openly disagreed with and purposefully chose not to practice. All of which were things that were seen as unpleasing and sinful in God's sight. His disciples evidenced this aspect in their own life as well, and we as followers of Christ should also exhibit this behavior.
In conclusion: Christ did not aim to replace the culture He was in, but rather, He aimed to redeem and refine it to what it was originally planned to be. He became the catalyst to set that refinement in motion.
So the question then is, How should we react?
More thoughts to come after the break.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Tower of Refuge
These past couple of weeks have been pretty rough on me. I can't even remember what I've done during these past couple of weeks, but I do know what I have been feeling. It's really a big mess of feelings: fear, apathy, anger, despair, sorrow, happiness, and probably some more hidden in there. The problem is that I have not really understood what has brought on these feelings, or at least, I didn't want to believe it until I asked a friend of mine why I felt horrible, and he simply responded, "Because you are stressed and haven't been able to get the encouragement from friends." It suddenly hit me that he was right. Not that I don't realize it, but I think that even I underestimate my own need for interaction from people.
For example, these past two days have been the hardest. Even though I have been with my wife for most of the day on both of these days, there was very little interaction. We sat in the same room, we played games, we even talked for a few minutes between things, but nothing seemed to make me feel better, but then we decided to go out and get some candy and grape juice. It might have been the fact that I was moving after sitting for so long, but what I really think helped me feel better was that we were interacting with nothing distracting us. We did not even say anything of high value, we talked about what kind of outfit would work for us if we decided to start dressing in a steam punk fashion. But just talking fed my heart and lifted my spirit in a way that nothing else that had or could have done. And just this evening I was feeling the same way, so we wrapped ourselves in warm clothing and just walked around the complex for about ten minutes talking about the stars and goofing off. Again, it made me feel better than anything I had felt all day.
I do not really understand what causes me to need such interactions so intensely, but when I don't get it I wither. I do not have to talk about deep theological issues, but some true interaction is required for me to function at my best. So then, this leads me to the question: What does this say about my relationship with God?
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. This could be an indication that I do not spend enough time in the stillness with Him (which I know is a fact, but then I don't remember it ever causing this type of a problem). It could indicate that God has designed me to need people, so that I can play some specific part in His plan and I'm just along for the ride. Or perhaps God is letting me feel this way to show me a hint of how He feels about His people. When it comes to my opinion, the options are so limitless that it would not surprise me if it was any combination of those options. I suppose, I'm still working through this area in my thoughts. After all, I am writing right now to get my thoughts out.
However, there are a few things I do know: I can't keep hoping that other people will solve my problems (not that I thought that explicitly, but it does seem to be a subtle thought), I know that whatever I'm feeling it is only temporary and I will be OK, and I know that God will remain in control of my life, because when I try to do things on my own I just screw things up. He is my tower of refuge, and I will hide behind the walls He has built to keep the enemy at bay. The more I do for God, the more resistance I face right (relatively speaking)? If so, then maybe Satan is getting scared :)
Regardless, despite how I feel I will keep pursuing Him, keep worshiping Him, and keep hoping in Him to guide me and preserve my life until it has fulfilled its mission.
Grace and Peace
Friday, December 4, 2009
The Truth Behind Self
To start of with a quotation from a friend in a note I read recently:
"You are not your job, your grades, your relationship, your school, your clothes, your acceptance in society, your screw-ups, your success, or your religion. You are beloved by God, because you are human, His creation. He seeks you, to unite you with the Truth."
There have been so many thoughts running through my mind as of late, and I have had very rare a chance to actually pen them down. When I think about how this past week and how stressful it has been I want to break down into tears. Not because of any one emotion, but because of all the emotions built up inside of me just begging to come out. I've been so busy, and it has been bugging me to no end. When I finally realize that I need to take time and just be, the time for getting the most done before school ends comes around. Truly it is an annoying thing.
If you have texted me in the past week you would know that my signature has changed recently. It used to be "Free in Him" which I still hold strongly too, but now it says Son in Healing. I am using it to be a constant reminder that I am indeed a broken and wretched soul. Everyday I am reminded just how damaged I have become over the years. Not that being damaged is a bad thing; in fact, I believe that there is something incredibly beautiful in the brokenness it creates, but it has called for a time of rehabilitation.
I am not one to blame the church for my problems... at least, not anymore. However, I do think that the wounds and scars that I have given and received over the years has been within a church setting. You see, I was taught, like most of you, that I had to be certain things. When you think of masks, and people acting like two different people between church and the other 6 days of the week, then you are thinking of someone like me. For as long as I can remember, I have been pressured subconsciously, and sometimes even explicitly to be a good Christian, to do what Good Christians do, and to honor God. I do not believe that these things are wrong to desire, but I believe that the magnifying glass that accompanies them can be extremely harmful. So, at a very young age I began to tell myself and identify myself with the things that I did. Even now I am still fighting the urge to put my identity into my actions. This is why I posted the quotation above, because the truth is that my identity of self changed on a whim for many years.
In the core of my self, I know who I am. I know because who I am is in Christ and no one could ever take that away from me. However, if I feel like I have failed, then my identity was that I AM a failure. This is true for any other emotion or feeling. I began to compile it all together to present to myself exactly how worthless I was, and I became chained in something so dark, and so much more insidious than even my lust had taken me. For I began to discover (only within the past month or so) that my actions are a mere reflection of a much greater and deeper wound that has been bleeding untouched for years.
Recently, God broke those chains over me. It wasn't anything I did that influenced Him to do that, but merely a timing thing I guess. The truth be told, I don't know if He was waiting on me, or if I was waiting on Him. Either way, the point is that now I have been freed and the healing can begin. Unfortunately, that healing never takes place overnight, and so I am having to rediscover myself (again), redetermine what I believe (again), and perhaps the most difficult of all is that I am having to relinquish any control I thought I had so that I can obtain the freedom and the power that He gives. It really is fascinating.
I guess, in some ways this note is an echo of a testimony that was shared in Chapel on Monday. When the man speaking brought up all the words he used to define himself as, I could look at myself and see that I was and still struggling with being just like that. It has been a long and hard road to travel, and yet, I feel that I have made some true leaps forward in my understanding of what it means to be a "Follower of the Way"
I can only hope that you will continue to seek God and to listen to His gentle prodding so that He can show you something truly magnificent every day.
Grace and Peace
"You are not your job, your grades, your relationship, your school, your clothes, your acceptance in society, your screw-ups, your success, or your religion. You are beloved by God, because you are human, His creation. He seeks you, to unite you with the Truth."
There have been so many thoughts running through my mind as of late, and I have had very rare a chance to actually pen them down. When I think about how this past week and how stressful it has been I want to break down into tears. Not because of any one emotion, but because of all the emotions built up inside of me just begging to come out. I've been so busy, and it has been bugging me to no end. When I finally realize that I need to take time and just be, the time for getting the most done before school ends comes around. Truly it is an annoying thing.
If you have texted me in the past week you would know that my signature has changed recently. It used to be "Free in Him" which I still hold strongly too, but now it says Son in Healing. I am using it to be a constant reminder that I am indeed a broken and wretched soul. Everyday I am reminded just how damaged I have become over the years. Not that being damaged is a bad thing; in fact, I believe that there is something incredibly beautiful in the brokenness it creates, but it has called for a time of rehabilitation.
I am not one to blame the church for my problems... at least, not anymore. However, I do think that the wounds and scars that I have given and received over the years has been within a church setting. You see, I was taught, like most of you, that I had to be certain things. When you think of masks, and people acting like two different people between church and the other 6 days of the week, then you are thinking of someone like me. For as long as I can remember, I have been pressured subconsciously, and sometimes even explicitly to be a good Christian, to do what Good Christians do, and to honor God. I do not believe that these things are wrong to desire, but I believe that the magnifying glass that accompanies them can be extremely harmful. So, at a very young age I began to tell myself and identify myself with the things that I did. Even now I am still fighting the urge to put my identity into my actions. This is why I posted the quotation above, because the truth is that my identity of self changed on a whim for many years.
In the core of my self, I know who I am. I know because who I am is in Christ and no one could ever take that away from me. However, if I feel like I have failed, then my identity was that I AM a failure. This is true for any other emotion or feeling. I began to compile it all together to present to myself exactly how worthless I was, and I became chained in something so dark, and so much more insidious than even my lust had taken me. For I began to discover (only within the past month or so) that my actions are a mere reflection of a much greater and deeper wound that has been bleeding untouched for years.
Recently, God broke those chains over me. It wasn't anything I did that influenced Him to do that, but merely a timing thing I guess. The truth be told, I don't know if He was waiting on me, or if I was waiting on Him. Either way, the point is that now I have been freed and the healing can begin. Unfortunately, that healing never takes place overnight, and so I am having to rediscover myself (again), redetermine what I believe (again), and perhaps the most difficult of all is that I am having to relinquish any control I thought I had so that I can obtain the freedom and the power that He gives. It really is fascinating.
I guess, in some ways this note is an echo of a testimony that was shared in Chapel on Monday. When the man speaking brought up all the words he used to define himself as, I could look at myself and see that I was and still struggling with being just like that. It has been a long and hard road to travel, and yet, I feel that I have made some true leaps forward in my understanding of what it means to be a "Follower of the Way"
I can only hope that you will continue to seek God and to listen to His gentle prodding so that He can show you something truly magnificent every day.
Grace and Peace
Thursday, November 12, 2009
What A Mess I Am
This week has been incredibly rough on me. It's beaten me, bruised me, and thrown me in about a thousand different directions. And the saddest part of it all is the fact that I pretty much did it to myself. Granted, the car breaking down was not my fault, but all the emotional stuff is definitely all me.
The problem is, and this is my conclusion from this week: I care and love people in such a way that I forget to temper that love and care. Which leads to me taking on everyone's problems, and it leads to my emotions tricking me into feeling something that I don't have a reason to feel.
The other part of my conclusion is the fact that I have been keeping myself way too busy, and the saddest part about that for me is the fact that I don't know where or when it was that I went from where I was, to where I am.
I had an extremely good and long talk with a friend last night. We talked about the very conclusions I have now reached. We discussed my issues with circumstances, and why it was that I wanted to do something about it. We discussed why it is that I feel an incredible burden for people. But most of all, the conversation opened my eyes to a way I had been living. So, I guess this note is just to share and express this two part conclusion.
To address the first half of my conclusion:
The truth is that I love. I love with every fiber in my being, and I love with wild hopeless abandon. This love often leads to much pain, because when you choose to love someone, they affect how you feel. That is why relationships are so dangerous and so fulfilling and so painful. And why do I love? I love because Dad does. I love because my King does. I love because my Lover does. Because He taught me what love is, and He taught me how to love. He loves with such a scandalous, desperate, unimaginable love that I can't help but try to imitate Him. There is nothing wrong with love.
My problem then, comes from the fact that I forget to keep that love in check. Unlike my Father, I sometimes forget that love can feel overbearing and feel like too much. I forget that loving, even with good intentions, can create painful situations that could have otherwise been avoided. It is something that I've never really learned to do. I didn't even know it was really an issue until... well until last night really. It was like having to learn to walk again. I don't really understand why God has me in a major that asks me to be sufficient in something that is my greatest weakness... interpersonal communication. Sure, I can talk to a group of people just fine in a speech setting, but when it comes to intimate interactions I just fail to get it. It's almost like I suffer from some sort of social dysfunction. For example, the fact that what I'm writing right now, may not make sense to the reader is a haunting and likely probability. It usually takes a couple of tries to really express what I mean by something. It's incredibly frustrating, and I am very thankful to my friends because they somehow are able to put up with my strange and often idiotic idiosyncrasies.
To address the second half of my conclusion:
I am an incredibly restless person. Some of that comes from the fact that I have a lot of nervous energy, but it is not limited to that in the least. I think my problem in this area of my life is that I've always tried to keep myself busy. If I'm busy I don't have to worry about my problems, I don't have to face the conflicts, I keep myself out of a lot of trouble, and I get some pseudo feeling of success. In truth though, being busy accomplishes none of these goals. In fact, it has the opposite effect. It makes me worry more about my problems, it forces me to face conflict (because there is more of it), I do stupid and sinful things to escape the business, and I certainly don't feel successful. Oftentimes, I feel like a complete failure.
So why do I do it? I guess, it's because it is what I've always done. It is what I have always known. It is what I grew up around.
What is the solution? My friend suggested something. He told me, "you need to contemplate." I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what he meant by that. But from what I gathered from what he was saying is that I really need to get into the habit of simply "being". To sit in the stillness before Elohim, with nothing but myself. To be completely and totally there.
In Rob Bell's video "Everything is Spiritual" Elohim calls Moses onto the mountain to commune with Him. Bell explains what is really being said, which boils down to "Come to the top of the mountain, and BE on top of the mountain." It's this understanding that when we come before God, when we "rest" we are never truly resting, because our minds are in a million different places. What we need to do, calls we need to make, homework that needs to be completed, etc. And we never take the time to simply enjoy creation, to enjoy life, to enjoy silence. Just no more than two hours ago I was starting to once again worry about all the different things I needed to do. I needed to go grocery shopping, I needed to pack, I need to get back in time for the Jazz Band Concert, I needed to clean clothes, and the list just went on and on... now I need to get my car fixed, HA! But then my wife, my wonderfully understanding and perceiving wife, did something she does so well. She lovingly showed me how I was being a complete and total trad. Just one more reason why I love her.
So all that to say, developing a habit of "being" is so much harder than developing a habit of "doing" but it is such a better way of living that it's worth the blood sweat and tears.
I guess, the heart of this note. It's purpose, it's drive, is the fact that I want to encourage you. To let you know, you aren't the only one struggling just to live, just to be. As my friend encouraged me, so I encourage you. Just take time to BE, and listen what the Rabbi has to say.
He has so much He wants to tell us. I'm just on the the tip of the very edge of all the things that God wants to show me, all the wonder, all the awe-inspiring things. Not just concepts, but ways to view creation, ways to live. There is so much Truth hiding within the simplicity of what Jesus shared with His beloved children, and they so blatantly ignored Him. I do not want to do the same.
"Be of courage, and pursue Him with all you are. For He is pursuing you."
"Jesus is a disease that can never be cured."
~ Brennen Manning (that may be a misquote... *shrug*)
Grace and Peace
The problem is, and this is my conclusion from this week: I care and love people in such a way that I forget to temper that love and care. Which leads to me taking on everyone's problems, and it leads to my emotions tricking me into feeling something that I don't have a reason to feel.
The other part of my conclusion is the fact that I have been keeping myself way too busy, and the saddest part about that for me is the fact that I don't know where or when it was that I went from where I was, to where I am.
I had an extremely good and long talk with a friend last night. We talked about the very conclusions I have now reached. We discussed my issues with circumstances, and why it was that I wanted to do something about it. We discussed why it is that I feel an incredible burden for people. But most of all, the conversation opened my eyes to a way I had been living. So, I guess this note is just to share and express this two part conclusion.
To address the first half of my conclusion:
The truth is that I love. I love with every fiber in my being, and I love with wild hopeless abandon. This love often leads to much pain, because when you choose to love someone, they affect how you feel. That is why relationships are so dangerous and so fulfilling and so painful. And why do I love? I love because Dad does. I love because my King does. I love because my Lover does. Because He taught me what love is, and He taught me how to love. He loves with such a scandalous, desperate, unimaginable love that I can't help but try to imitate Him. There is nothing wrong with love.
My problem then, comes from the fact that I forget to keep that love in check. Unlike my Father, I sometimes forget that love can feel overbearing and feel like too much. I forget that loving, even with good intentions, can create painful situations that could have otherwise been avoided. It is something that I've never really learned to do. I didn't even know it was really an issue until... well until last night really. It was like having to learn to walk again. I don't really understand why God has me in a major that asks me to be sufficient in something that is my greatest weakness... interpersonal communication. Sure, I can talk to a group of people just fine in a speech setting, but when it comes to intimate interactions I just fail to get it. It's almost like I suffer from some sort of social dysfunction. For example, the fact that what I'm writing right now, may not make sense to the reader is a haunting and likely probability. It usually takes a couple of tries to really express what I mean by something. It's incredibly frustrating, and I am very thankful to my friends because they somehow are able to put up with my strange and often idiotic idiosyncrasies.
To address the second half of my conclusion:
I am an incredibly restless person. Some of that comes from the fact that I have a lot of nervous energy, but it is not limited to that in the least. I think my problem in this area of my life is that I've always tried to keep myself busy. If I'm busy I don't have to worry about my problems, I don't have to face the conflicts, I keep myself out of a lot of trouble, and I get some pseudo feeling of success. In truth though, being busy accomplishes none of these goals. In fact, it has the opposite effect. It makes me worry more about my problems, it forces me to face conflict (because there is more of it), I do stupid and sinful things to escape the business, and I certainly don't feel successful. Oftentimes, I feel like a complete failure.
So why do I do it? I guess, it's because it is what I've always done. It is what I have always known. It is what I grew up around.
What is the solution? My friend suggested something. He told me, "you need to contemplate." I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what he meant by that. But from what I gathered from what he was saying is that I really need to get into the habit of simply "being". To sit in the stillness before Elohim, with nothing but myself. To be completely and totally there.
In Rob Bell's video "Everything is Spiritual" Elohim calls Moses onto the mountain to commune with Him. Bell explains what is really being said, which boils down to "Come to the top of the mountain, and BE on top of the mountain." It's this understanding that when we come before God, when we "rest" we are never truly resting, because our minds are in a million different places. What we need to do, calls we need to make, homework that needs to be completed, etc. And we never take the time to simply enjoy creation, to enjoy life, to enjoy silence. Just no more than two hours ago I was starting to once again worry about all the different things I needed to do. I needed to go grocery shopping, I needed to pack, I need to get back in time for the Jazz Band Concert, I needed to clean clothes, and the list just went on and on... now I need to get my car fixed, HA! But then my wife, my wonderfully understanding and perceiving wife, did something she does so well. She lovingly showed me how I was being a complete and total trad. Just one more reason why I love her.
So all that to say, developing a habit of "being" is so much harder than developing a habit of "doing" but it is such a better way of living that it's worth the blood sweat and tears.
I guess, the heart of this note. It's purpose, it's drive, is the fact that I want to encourage you. To let you know, you aren't the only one struggling just to live, just to be. As my friend encouraged me, so I encourage you. Just take time to BE, and listen what the Rabbi has to say.
He has so much He wants to tell us. I'm just on the the tip of the very edge of all the things that God wants to show me, all the wonder, all the awe-inspiring things. Not just concepts, but ways to view creation, ways to live. There is so much Truth hiding within the simplicity of what Jesus shared with His beloved children, and they so blatantly ignored Him. I do not want to do the same.
"Be of courage, and pursue Him with all you are. For He is pursuing you."
"Jesus is a disease that can never be cured."
~ Brennen Manning (that may be a misquote... *shrug*)
Grace and Peace
Monday, October 19, 2009
From a Friend, To a Friend
I've been meaning to make a post for a while, but just haven't take the time to do it.
The truth there has been a lot of things going on in the past week that have either been a cause of high amounts of stress, or that have incurred some sort of sadness. However, despite those things the past week has been a good week, and I am thankful for a Father who never gives up on me despite the fact that I act like a total retard on a near daily basis. Thanks for forgiving me papa.
A few days ago, a friend's grandfather passed away. When I heard the news it immediately took me back to my grandfathers funeral that passed no more than 2 years ago. I can still readily feel, and imagine the emotions that I felt during that time: shock, sadness, happiness, joy, and love. I remember writing a poem that could only capture a glimpse, of a shadow, of what he was to my family, and who he was to God. I remember how up until the time I was given the opportunity to share it, I had felt no tears run down my cheeks, but after they would not stop. Like rain on a stormy day in Georgia, the tears kept cascading down my cheeks. From the end of the ceremony all the way to placing the casket on the stretcher above the hole that was dug in the earth. I remember thinking things like, "why am I crying, I'm not sad... I'm happy for him." I remember feeling just months before, that I would rather him either get better, or go home, because I didn't want him to suffer any more. I also remember coming to the realization, that I didn't get to know him as well as some of my other family and I am a little jealous of them for that. But over all, I remember that when I cried, it was out of love for my grandfather that the tears kept falling, and I couldn't find wrong in that, and why should I?
I feel, that in some small way, my friend is going through the same thing I did. Maybe not with those experiences, but with the concept that He loved his grandfather dearly, and just from interacting with him I can see he feels the same way in a lot of aspects.
So my friend, if you read this know that I won't claim to know how you feel, but I do understand how you may feel if its anything remotely close to how I felt. I love you bud.
Grace and Peace
The truth there has been a lot of things going on in the past week that have either been a cause of high amounts of stress, or that have incurred some sort of sadness. However, despite those things the past week has been a good week, and I am thankful for a Father who never gives up on me despite the fact that I act like a total retard on a near daily basis. Thanks for forgiving me papa.
A few days ago, a friend's grandfather passed away. When I heard the news it immediately took me back to my grandfathers funeral that passed no more than 2 years ago. I can still readily feel, and imagine the emotions that I felt during that time: shock, sadness, happiness, joy, and love. I remember writing a poem that could only capture a glimpse, of a shadow, of what he was to my family, and who he was to God. I remember how up until the time I was given the opportunity to share it, I had felt no tears run down my cheeks, but after they would not stop. Like rain on a stormy day in Georgia, the tears kept cascading down my cheeks. From the end of the ceremony all the way to placing the casket on the stretcher above the hole that was dug in the earth. I remember thinking things like, "why am I crying, I'm not sad... I'm happy for him." I remember feeling just months before, that I would rather him either get better, or go home, because I didn't want him to suffer any more. I also remember coming to the realization, that I didn't get to know him as well as some of my other family and I am a little jealous of them for that. But over all, I remember that when I cried, it was out of love for my grandfather that the tears kept falling, and I couldn't find wrong in that, and why should I?
I feel, that in some small way, my friend is going through the same thing I did. Maybe not with those experiences, but with the concept that He loved his grandfather dearly, and just from interacting with him I can see he feels the same way in a lot of aspects.
So my friend, if you read this know that I won't claim to know how you feel, but I do understand how you may feel if its anything remotely close to how I felt. I love you bud.
Grace and Peace
Monday, October 5, 2009
Band Days
So, I've been coordinating with a friend of mine, and we have been fueling each other's passions for the starting of a band. It's something I've always wanted to do, but never thought I could. Recently, however, I decided not to give up on this this desire. After all, desires must have a reason behind them, even if they are not always good ones.
Anyway, it's only been about a week since I've begun to conceptualize it, and I believe that I still have a ways to go, but I am happy to see how far it's come.
The biggest thing I want to do, is to target the audience that are the people who are hurting, the ones who cry in their beds at night because nothing is right (even if they appear to have it all together). Those who wear the mask of perfection, for fear that if someone saw who they really were they would be ridiculed and rejected. The outcasts, the never have-been's or ever will-be's. I want to write music that those people can relate to. To express how I went through times like that, and I am now OK. That they can be too. I guess to some degree, as my friend put it, to express the healing that we have experienced and to share that with them.
I don't want this band to be just like every other band. I don't want us to be limited to one genre. I want this band to be able to play a variety of stuff, from the light to the heavy. Because, each song will have it's own feel, and each feel will reach to someone different.
I guess, that's really only as far as I've gotten at the moment, but I can't stop thinking about it. And between my friend, my wife, and I we certainly have enough lyrics to start putting music to it. We just need a drummer and a second guitarist. I know we could use other types of players (Piano for instance) but I also know that often times, people are not limited to one skill in their art of playing instruments. Which is happy.
Guess, I need to go.
Grace and Peace.
Anyway, it's only been about a week since I've begun to conceptualize it, and I believe that I still have a ways to go, but I am happy to see how far it's come.
The biggest thing I want to do, is to target the audience that are the people who are hurting, the ones who cry in their beds at night because nothing is right (even if they appear to have it all together). Those who wear the mask of perfection, for fear that if someone saw who they really were they would be ridiculed and rejected. The outcasts, the never have-been's or ever will-be's. I want to write music that those people can relate to. To express how I went through times like that, and I am now OK. That they can be too. I guess to some degree, as my friend put it, to express the healing that we have experienced and to share that with them.
I don't want this band to be just like every other band. I don't want us to be limited to one genre. I want this band to be able to play a variety of stuff, from the light to the heavy. Because, each song will have it's own feel, and each feel will reach to someone different.
I guess, that's really only as far as I've gotten at the moment, but I can't stop thinking about it. And between my friend, my wife, and I we certainly have enough lyrics to start putting music to it. We just need a drummer and a second guitarist. I know we could use other types of players (Piano for instance) but I also know that often times, people are not limited to one skill in their art of playing instruments. Which is happy.
Guess, I need to go.
Grace and Peace.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Beautiful Break Down
"This world is unbelievably broken”
The words are still ringing in my ears as I process all that was said today.
Yes, the world is broken.
Yes, the world is so distraught with sickness, sorrow, pain, and suffering that one has to wonder if there really is a God.
Yes, the world is in serious need of a Hero.
But, could it also be said that this unbelievable brokenness is beautiful?
I know that there is something remarkably tragic of people dying by the thousands every day by lack of food or clean water. I know that there is something that stirs within us when misfortune befalls upon someone else. I know that we should strive to better the world in everything we do, and I know that oftentimes (at least in America) nonbelievers are more active about helping others than many Christians. In some ways, I believe that this lack of help might be the most tragic of all.
But, consider with me the beauty of this brokenness for a moment.
When you are suffering, or in need. How beautiful is it when God provides for you in that need? How scandalous that He would listen to you completely without condescending you for your mistakes!
How beautiful is it then, when we as followers of the Way engage in providing for others with the skills and resources that has been given to us by the Father. Suffering in and of itself can be beautiful, how much more then if we are extending the hand of God through our efforts. He doesn't need our help to support, and to provide, but story after story reveals that God loves to use other people to meet a need. Especially ones that are often unspoken and kept secret.
It is also beautiful to consider that despite everyone's beliefs and thoughts, people want a Hero. They want a savior. In some ways, this suffering opens up the hearts to the True message of the Gospel. I do not know if I could really explain what I mean by that at the moment. It just feels that the message of the Gospel currently is distorted from its original creation. People WANT God, they just don't know that what they want is Him. I believe this is largely to the fault of Christians acting inappropriately and unloving to those around us. For that, I apologize on behalf of all Christians we do not follow the mandate of Imago Dei when we shun everyone for their beliefs, past, or lifestyle. It completely contradicts what is depicted to us in Scripture.
I don't really know if I'm making any sense, but when I think of all the things that trouble the world, I see an opportunity to be a part of something so magnificent, so miraculous, that it could only have been orchestrated by an all knowing and all loving God.
I feel like this song fits in well with what I'm saying, so I thought I'd share it as well.
Oh My God
by: Jars of Clay
Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."
Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
we make it worse when we don't bleed,
there is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...
Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..
Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear that keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God
Grace and Peace
The words are still ringing in my ears as I process all that was said today.
Yes, the world is broken.
Yes, the world is so distraught with sickness, sorrow, pain, and suffering that one has to wonder if there really is a God.
Yes, the world is in serious need of a Hero.
But, could it also be said that this unbelievable brokenness is beautiful?
I know that there is something remarkably tragic of people dying by the thousands every day by lack of food or clean water. I know that there is something that stirs within us when misfortune befalls upon someone else. I know that we should strive to better the world in everything we do, and I know that oftentimes (at least in America) nonbelievers are more active about helping others than many Christians. In some ways, I believe that this lack of help might be the most tragic of all.
But, consider with me the beauty of this brokenness for a moment.
When you are suffering, or in need. How beautiful is it when God provides for you in that need? How scandalous that He would listen to you completely without condescending you for your mistakes!
How beautiful is it then, when we as followers of the Way engage in providing for others with the skills and resources that has been given to us by the Father. Suffering in and of itself can be beautiful, how much more then if we are extending the hand of God through our efforts. He doesn't need our help to support, and to provide, but story after story reveals that God loves to use other people to meet a need. Especially ones that are often unspoken and kept secret.
It is also beautiful to consider that despite everyone's beliefs and thoughts, people want a Hero. They want a savior. In some ways, this suffering opens up the hearts to the True message of the Gospel. I do not know if I could really explain what I mean by that at the moment. It just feels that the message of the Gospel currently is distorted from its original creation. People WANT God, they just don't know that what they want is Him. I believe this is largely to the fault of Christians acting inappropriately and unloving to those around us. For that, I apologize on behalf of all Christians we do not follow the mandate of Imago Dei when we shun everyone for their beliefs, past, or lifestyle. It completely contradicts what is depicted to us in Scripture.
I don't really know if I'm making any sense, but when I think of all the things that trouble the world, I see an opportunity to be a part of something so magnificent, so miraculous, that it could only have been orchestrated by an all knowing and all loving God.
I feel like this song fits in well with what I'm saying, so I thought I'd share it as well.
Oh My God
by: Jars of Clay
Oh my God, look around this place,
Your fingers reach around the bone,
you set the break and set the tone
For flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain all fools say, "Oh my God."
Oh my God, why are we so afraid?
we make it worse when we don't bleed,
there is no cure for our disease.
Turn a phrase and rise again,
or fake your death and only tell your closest friends,
Oh My God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief.
Weddings, boats, and alibis,
All drift away, and a mother cries...
Liars and fools, sons and failures, theives will always say..
Lost and found, ailing wanderers, healers always say..
Whores and angels, men with problems, leavers always say..
Broken hearted, separated, orphans always say..
War creators, racial haters, preachers always say..
Distant fathers, fallen warriors, givers always say..
Pilgrim saints, lonely widows, users always say..
Fearful mothers, watchful doubters, Saviors always say..
Sometimes I can not forgive
and these days mercy cuts so deep,
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I'd dream we're better, scales were gone and faces lighter,
When we wake we hate our brother, we still move to hurt each other,
Sometimes I can close my eyes and all the fear that keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing, what makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder, we all have the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the plunder.
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven,
All the times I thought to reach up, all the times I had to give up.
Babies underneath their beds, in hospitals that cannot treat them.
All the wounds that money causes, all the comforts of cathedrals,
All the cries of thirsty children, this is our inheritance,
All the rage of watching mothers, this is our greatest offense
Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God
Grace and Peace
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
What I Want
I'm beginning to ask the question: What do I want?
Not in the sense of material things, but rather in a sense of “what do I really want to do for the rest of my life?” I know that this is probably a poor time to decide to ask this question, but it is something that has been nagging at the back of my mind for a few weeks now.
What do I want?
I know that I love music, that I love teenagers, and that I love most things creative based. I love to act, I love to think, and I love to talk about God. What does any of this have to do with what I want?
Everything.
God has placed passions upon my heart, and I have yet to find a way to combine them all. I want to work with youth, but I don't think a “Youth Pastor” really fits that desire.
I want to be a musician, and I would love to travel the world singing songs of praise to my Father... songs of life experiences, songs of worship, songs of thankfulness... songs I have written, and songs others have written.
I want to work on video game productions: coming up with stories, with character ideas, and maybe even composing the musical soundtrack to such things. I know that video games have been seen as “entertainment only” but I have played a lot of different games that have made me think in a philosophical way. It is something I enjoy, and it's something I could see myself working on.
I am such a diverse individual just within myself. I have not been able to see myself doing things like singing in church as a job for the rest of my life. I love doing choir, and I love singing in church, but I don't want that to be my sole source of income. I want that to be a volunteer thing that I do when I'm “in town” if I'm part of a traveling band.
I do not regret taking on the Communication Major that I'm partaking in, but at times I wonder if I should have kept the Music Major as well. It's something that has been bothering me for a while now, and I don't know what to do about it.
Maybe I can be a traveling band musician dude, who writes books for youth (fictional or nonfictional), and works as a composer for video game companies?
Just considering.
I'm gonna be praying.
Grace and Peace.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Update #???
It's been a while since I've written anything. Most of it has been the fact that I've been super busy with moving into an apartment, exams, taking care of wedding plans, etc. I have to admit, I am feeling a little sad today. My fiancee headed home yesterday afternoon and I've found it a little hard to function at full capacity. However, I know the best "cure" for this issue is to go ahead and do stuff. Be active, hang out with friends, and remember it's only a few weeks away.
I have to say that I am terribly terrified, but extraordinarily excited all at the same time. I am looking forward to being married to such a wonderful woman of God, who is also the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I am grateful for the blessings that God has given me through her and I look forward to the many more. I am also scared because I know that this is a decision that will last the rest of my life. I am scared because I know I am a creature of imperfection, and I know that I will hurt her some days; I'm scared that I won't be able to provide for her, or that I won't meet her needs. I know I am capable, but I don't want to be a husband who gives up on it all.
I want to be a refreshing aspect of her life, as she has been in mine.
Finals are over, and so today I get to pack all my stuff and move it to the apartment that I'm residing over the summer. It should be too bad, I only had a few boxes. But still, it's not something I really want to do. I hate moving stuff everywhere (which is ironic considering the vocation I want to take part in).
So I guess that's all for an update I can give you at the moment. The internet is acting weird and I really don't have much to say. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive.
Grace and Peace
I have to say that I am terribly terrified, but extraordinarily excited all at the same time. I am looking forward to being married to such a wonderful woman of God, who is also the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I am grateful for the blessings that God has given me through her and I look forward to the many more. I am also scared because I know that this is a decision that will last the rest of my life. I am scared because I know I am a creature of imperfection, and I know that I will hurt her some days; I'm scared that I won't be able to provide for her, or that I won't meet her needs. I know I am capable, but I don't want to be a husband who gives up on it all.
I want to be a refreshing aspect of her life, as she has been in mine.
Finals are over, and so today I get to pack all my stuff and move it to the apartment that I'm residing over the summer. It should be too bad, I only had a few boxes. But still, it's not something I really want to do. I hate moving stuff everywhere (which is ironic considering the vocation I want to take part in).
So I guess that's all for an update I can give you at the moment. The internet is acting weird and I really don't have much to say. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive.
Grace and Peace
Sunday, April 12, 2009
A Little This, A Little That
I know, I know, it's been a while since I posted... but give me a break, I've been busy with lots and lots of school.
These past few days have been simultaneously very good and relaxing, and heartbreaking and confusing. On the one hand, I got to spend time with a good friend and with my family, which lead to a time of relaxing and reflection on my end. Going home has always been a good time to reflect... not sure why that is, but I am thankful for those times that are presented to me. On the other hand, my fiancees maid of honor is backing out of the whole ordeal, which quite frankly makes me angry. A friend should be willing to sacrifice a little time and money to be at another friends wedding, especially since it is so important to said friend that they be their (and... done). So, suffice to say there has been some hurt going on this weekend too.
HOWEVER, the good has outweighed the bad sevenfold and I can be extremely thankful to God for that. I attended a Easter Service at my parents' church and I am very glad that I did. It was a time to feel like I could really worship... once again reminding me exactly how dark it can feel here at TFC at times, but I'm not going to address that in this blog. I've done that enough, and I fear being brought back into my cynicism... I have enough problems as it is. Anyway, one of the songs that was presented before the congregation was called "True Love". The chorus had the words, "When True Love died..." and it was talking about the sacrifice of Christ, and it really got me to thinking. Although Christ is alive, and I am not about to refute that, I have to wonder how alive He is to us as Christians? When Neitzsche stated that "God is dead" I have to think that what he was referring to was our way of living rather than the Almighty Creator God being deceased, and honestly, I have to wonder if he wasn't all that far off...
From what I have seen of Christianity in America, so much of it is superficial when it comes to living out what we proclaim. We stand with hands raised high in one hour, and then the next we are being unloving in a plethera of ways towards an individual or group of individuals. From the way we talk about foreigners to the way that we will swear and curse up a storm. Now, I'm not saying swearing is wrong... on that issue I have no clue what I think because of a number of reasons, however, I try to refrain from cursing mostly because I can think of other words to say that aren't as crude. The point is, I feel that Christianity in America is a mere shell of what it is supposed to be. I've felt like this for a while now, and I was listening to a pastor on a CD who was talking a little bit of the very same things I'm writing about at the moment. Granted, I think he might have been exaggerating it a little bit, but the point is still there... May God have mercy on our souls.
I guess I never really clarified why I was confused... and looking at the reasons now, I could probably give you a cryptic answer at best. Why would someone claim to be another's best friend, but talk bad about them to someone else? Why would someone be so unwilling to give up such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things to support their "best friend" in such an important event? 'nough said.
I'm going to try to end this post on a positive note... so here are a few reasons (for me) to be happy.
Good night.
These past few days have been simultaneously very good and relaxing, and heartbreaking and confusing. On the one hand, I got to spend time with a good friend and with my family, which lead to a time of relaxing and reflection on my end. Going home has always been a good time to reflect... not sure why that is, but I am thankful for those times that are presented to me. On the other hand, my fiancees maid of honor is backing out of the whole ordeal, which quite frankly makes me angry. A friend should be willing to sacrifice a little time and money to be at another friends wedding, especially since it is so important to said friend that they be their (and... done). So, suffice to say there has been some hurt going on this weekend too.
HOWEVER, the good has outweighed the bad sevenfold and I can be extremely thankful to God for that. I attended a Easter Service at my parents' church and I am very glad that I did. It was a time to feel like I could really worship... once again reminding me exactly how dark it can feel here at TFC at times, but I'm not going to address that in this blog. I've done that enough, and I fear being brought back into my cynicism... I have enough problems as it is. Anyway, one of the songs that was presented before the congregation was called "True Love". The chorus had the words, "When True Love died..." and it was talking about the sacrifice of Christ, and it really got me to thinking. Although Christ is alive, and I am not about to refute that, I have to wonder how alive He is to us as Christians? When Neitzsche stated that "God is dead" I have to think that what he was referring to was our way of living rather than the Almighty Creator God being deceased, and honestly, I have to wonder if he wasn't all that far off...
From what I have seen of Christianity in America, so much of it is superficial when it comes to living out what we proclaim. We stand with hands raised high in one hour, and then the next we are being unloving in a plethera of ways towards an individual or group of individuals. From the way we talk about foreigners to the way that we will swear and curse up a storm. Now, I'm not saying swearing is wrong... on that issue I have no clue what I think because of a number of reasons, however, I try to refrain from cursing mostly because I can think of other words to say that aren't as crude. The point is, I feel that Christianity in America is a mere shell of what it is supposed to be. I've felt like this for a while now, and I was listening to a pastor on a CD who was talking a little bit of the very same things I'm writing about at the moment. Granted, I think he might have been exaggerating it a little bit, but the point is still there... May God have mercy on our souls.
I guess I never really clarified why I was confused... and looking at the reasons now, I could probably give you a cryptic answer at best. Why would someone claim to be another's best friend, but talk bad about them to someone else? Why would someone be so unwilling to give up such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things to support their "best friend" in such an important event? 'nough said.
I'm going to try to end this post on a positive note... so here are a few reasons (for me) to be happy.
- God loves me
- I have an awesome family
- I have an awesome fiancee
- My birthday is in 10 days, 11 hours, and 25 minutes... 24 minutes
- My Wedding is in 68 days, 12 hours, and 52 minutes... (kinda scary)
- I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED IN 68 DAYS!!!!
Good night.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Happy Days and Silly Ways
So my parents pointed out that all my posts lately have been depressing and dark, so here's a silly and happy post for a change. ^_^
Last night was a junior recital for two friends of mine from the school of music. They did a smash up job, and I'm proud of them. The reception afterward was kickin' as well, they had some live jazz music playing, and it made me think of how much I miss being a music major. I always feel limited in how much my music is developing. It happens just about every time I'm at a recital, but it passes as it has now, so I'm fine. Anyway, after a few songs were played, one of the singers, whose name is Jaclin, was seated and her boyfriend sang a song that he wrote for her in order to propose to her (she practically glomped him right there). There were tears and laughter and all around happy. I congratulate them both in this new phase of life. May the wedding planning not be too crazy. :3
Also, I had another friend that use to attend TFC have a baby recently, which is a happy thought all among itself, but I got to see some pictures of her recently (they called her Anastasia), and she is a cute and healthy baby. Congratulations to them as well, may God bless them as they raise this precious child and teach her in the way that she should go.
My days ever since coming back from home have been very relaxed, and happy, even when the events of the day dictated that they not be. I've enjoyed being back, I've enjoyed my classes, and I look forward to learning more from them. This is all thanks to God who is constantly teaching me and bringing me around to see His perspective on things. Taking me there one step at a time. It is because of Him, that I can hold onto the hope that I will get married this summer, and believe within the core of me that this is what He wants; and it's because of Him that I can have patience with the people I'm trying to get a job with, because it's been almost a month and a half long process.
"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!"
Grace and Peace
It's a happy milkshake :)
Last night was a junior recital for two friends of mine from the school of music. They did a smash up job, and I'm proud of them. The reception afterward was kickin' as well, they had some live jazz music playing, and it made me think of how much I miss being a music major. I always feel limited in how much my music is developing. It happens just about every time I'm at a recital, but it passes as it has now, so I'm fine. Anyway, after a few songs were played, one of the singers, whose name is Jaclin, was seated and her boyfriend sang a song that he wrote for her in order to propose to her (she practically glomped him right there). There were tears and laughter and all around happy. I congratulate them both in this new phase of life. May the wedding planning not be too crazy. :3
Also, I had another friend that use to attend TFC have a baby recently, which is a happy thought all among itself, but I got to see some pictures of her recently (they called her Anastasia), and she is a cute and healthy baby. Congratulations to them as well, may God bless them as they raise this precious child and teach her in the way that she should go.
My days ever since coming back from home have been very relaxed, and happy, even when the events of the day dictated that they not be. I've enjoyed being back, I've enjoyed my classes, and I look forward to learning more from them. This is all thanks to God who is constantly teaching me and bringing me around to see His perspective on things. Taking me there one step at a time. It is because of Him, that I can hold onto the hope that I will get married this summer, and believe within the core of me that this is what He wants; and it's because of Him that I can have patience with the people I'm trying to get a job with, because it's been almost a month and a half long process.
"Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!"
Grace and Peace
It's a happy milkshake :)
Monday, March 2, 2009
Reflection
"God Have Mercy On Me, A Sinner"
This is the thought that keeps running through my head...
I went home this weekend as a way of a sabbatical, and an opportunity to see family. It was very refreshing to be surrounded by a peaceful atmosphere that allowed me to step back and reflect on myself some. Not only that, but I got to relax and goof off some, which was also a big help in relieving some of the stress levels.
I realized a few days ago that I had become incredibly cynical to everything that goes on here at TFC and I think it bled over into my views on other people's opinions as well. This is extremely unfortunate because I did not know I was cynical much less when I became that way, but fortunately this weekend brought about some time to just talk with God and deal with the issue. I don't really know what I'm going to do to stop being so critical of everything that happens, but I do know that God is going to help me and that is good enough for me. I would like to find the core of the issue behind my cynicism though. I suppose a few options could be compiled under being hurt, or "burned", by the administration here (although, that seems unlikely since I have had very little interaction with them; being burdened with the desire for the right thing to be done, causing me to be harsh on things when they aren't done right (real loving,huh?); or it could be that the way my friends have been have impacted the perspective lense with which I view the world. I'm guessing it is a combination of the last two. Regardless, I need to overcome it, and I need to trust God to do the things He needs to get this place kicking.
Random side thought: How do I prevent myself from taking on other people's burdens when I don't even know how or when I'm doing it? The answer is: I can't. Just another one of those times I'm going to have to let God shove me around as I'm blindfolded. It is impossible to see, but trust in Him will lead me to where I need to be, doing the things I need to be doing.
So, anyway, I got to spend a relaxing time with some of my fam, and learn a little about myself, and the best part is I think that I've come back different than when I left (in a good way). I at least feel different, but that good be the fact that my burden was lifted. Then, as if God was going "You're heart has become this once again", It snowed this morning blanketing the ground with a pure, untouched, white wonderland. It was probably one of the most beautiful things I've seen in nature in a while; it was nice.
Grace and Peace
"He looked at me and said, 'It is good.'"
This is the thought that keeps running through my head...
I went home this weekend as a way of a sabbatical, and an opportunity to see family. It was very refreshing to be surrounded by a peaceful atmosphere that allowed me to step back and reflect on myself some. Not only that, but I got to relax and goof off some, which was also a big help in relieving some of the stress levels.
I realized a few days ago that I had become incredibly cynical to everything that goes on here at TFC and I think it bled over into my views on other people's opinions as well. This is extremely unfortunate because I did not know I was cynical much less when I became that way, but fortunately this weekend brought about some time to just talk with God and deal with the issue. I don't really know what I'm going to do to stop being so critical of everything that happens, but I do know that God is going to help me and that is good enough for me. I would like to find the core of the issue behind my cynicism though. I suppose a few options could be compiled under being hurt, or "burned", by the administration here (although, that seems unlikely since I have had very little interaction with them; being burdened with the desire for the right thing to be done, causing me to be harsh on things when they aren't done right (real loving,huh?); or it could be that the way my friends have been have impacted the perspective lense with which I view the world. I'm guessing it is a combination of the last two. Regardless, I need to overcome it, and I need to trust God to do the things He needs to get this place kicking.
Random side thought: How do I prevent myself from taking on other people's burdens when I don't even know how or when I'm doing it? The answer is: I can't. Just another one of those times I'm going to have to let God shove me around as I'm blindfolded. It is impossible to see, but trust in Him will lead me to where I need to be, doing the things I need to be doing.
So, anyway, I got to spend a relaxing time with some of my fam, and learn a little about myself, and the best part is I think that I've come back different than when I left (in a good way). I at least feel different, but that good be the fact that my burden was lifted. Then, as if God was going "You're heart has become this once again", It snowed this morning blanketing the ground with a pure, untouched, white wonderland. It was probably one of the most beautiful things I've seen in nature in a while; it was nice.
Grace and Peace
"He looked at me and said, 'It is good.'"
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Hollow 2: The Clarification
It has come to my attention that what I said could be misunderstood, because let's face it, I fail at communicating the heart behind the words many a time. So let's begin with the word hollow
Hollow is probably not the BEST word to choose, but it is the only one I could think of to describe this thing. When I say I feel hollow, I am referring to the fact that even though I don't change the way I talk with God between here and home, it is here that leaves me feeling like there is more to be achieved. Not with my relationship with God specifically, but rather with life as a whole I guess. But even then, that does not seem to adequately fit within the bounds of what I'm really trying to say. It's hard for me to explain my thoughts I suppose.
As far as blaming TFC for this hollow feeling... I don't honestly think that I do blame it. Just because something is here, does not mean that it is the College's fault that it exist. The College in and of itself is a neutral thing, it can neither create good, nor evil. Though the people within it can. I'm not really saying the the feeling is anyone's fault, I'm trying to dive into the question of "Why?" Why do we do the things we do? What is at the core of all the problems I see?
Speaking of which, I would like to point out that I don't only see problems here. I see a ton of potential to be better than we are, and I see very few people tapping into that potential. I see people trying to do as they feel God is leading me, I see people loving others, and I know that God is doing work here, and that He is using the campus. I'm not trying to say it's all dark and dead. I am merely pointing out the things that I am seeing because writing it out is a way to process and perhaps a chance to hear feedback on such processis. For instance, I can tell that people have the potential to love others unconditionally, but I also see that few people act upon that potential and often times come across as if they think the world revolves around them. I've been guilty of this before, and I will be guilty of this in future because I'm human and I screw things up. All I am really saying about this particular aspect is that we as Christians we are called to a higher standard. I'm not trying to point fingers, if anything, I'm pointing at myself.
I would like to point out also, that everything that I type out is aimed at me just as much, if not more, towards the general populace, because these are my thoughts, and I have thought through them as much as I can. Granted, I don't always exhaust every option with my thoughts, but I do tend to understand myself more than other people do. :)
I hope this clears up most if not all of what was discussed.
Hollow is probably not the BEST word to choose, but it is the only one I could think of to describe this thing. When I say I feel hollow, I am referring to the fact that even though I don't change the way I talk with God between here and home, it is here that leaves me feeling like there is more to be achieved. Not with my relationship with God specifically, but rather with life as a whole I guess. But even then, that does not seem to adequately fit within the bounds of what I'm really trying to say. It's hard for me to explain my thoughts I suppose.
As far as blaming TFC for this hollow feeling... I don't honestly think that I do blame it. Just because something is here, does not mean that it is the College's fault that it exist. The College in and of itself is a neutral thing, it can neither create good, nor evil. Though the people within it can. I'm not really saying the the feeling is anyone's fault, I'm trying to dive into the question of "Why?" Why do we do the things we do? What is at the core of all the problems I see?
Speaking of which, I would like to point out that I don't only see problems here. I see a ton of potential to be better than we are, and I see very few people tapping into that potential. I see people trying to do as they feel God is leading me, I see people loving others, and I know that God is doing work here, and that He is using the campus. I'm not trying to say it's all dark and dead. I am merely pointing out the things that I am seeing because writing it out is a way to process and perhaps a chance to hear feedback on such processis. For instance, I can tell that people have the potential to love others unconditionally, but I also see that few people act upon that potential and often times come across as if they think the world revolves around them. I've been guilty of this before, and I will be guilty of this in future because I'm human and I screw things up. All I am really saying about this particular aspect is that we as Christians we are called to a higher standard. I'm not trying to point fingers, if anything, I'm pointing at myself.
I would like to point out also, that everything that I type out is aimed at me just as much, if not more, towards the general populace, because these are my thoughts, and I have thought through them as much as I can. Granted, I don't always exhaust every option with my thoughts, but I do tend to understand myself more than other people do. :)
I hope this clears up most if not all of what was discussed.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Hollow
There is something terribly wrong with this place. Something that has begun to be more real to me every day. It sucks away hope and joy; imitates love, but is not loving, and leaves me unmotivated. At first, I thought that it was just me, but as I interact with people I begin to see it in their eyes and hear it in their words. What is it that causes this place to be hollow?
Not that people are individually hollow, but a lot of people do things in a hollow way. I can't tell if it is because they are blind to it, or because they think that they're at the peak of "Christianity". We are called to so much more than shallow worship at chapel and apathy while participating in a ministry. Yet, that is exactly what I find here and it breaks my heart.
Whatever this thing is, it does a good job at hiding itself behind "good motives". Motives behind why there are things put in place by administration that don't make sense except for the fact that I hope that they are doing what is best for this campus. I'm not talking about rules or attitudes, but it overflows into those areas, into every area of a person's life, even to the point of infecting their relationship with Christ.
Perhaps, it is because people are comfortable; that may be the issue. People have grown comfortable in their superficial Christianity. As before, I'm not saying that people themselves are superficial (that is between them and God), but many of them have fallen into a pattern that scream superficiality (And I'm probably guilty of that too at times).
Then again, It could be even deeper than that...
What causes us to care about a reputation to the point of enforcing inane rules to keep money coming in? What causes us to feel the need to advertise prayer retreats, to condemn those who are not missionaries, and be hypocritical about being an open community? It all feels so hollow, as if we are trying to pull some type of joke, and God is not laughing.
And the strangest thing of all about it to me is that regardless of how close I am to God, and how much I spend time with Him; regardless of what people have impacted me, and what I have learned, I still feel hollow.
There is something definitely dreadfully wrong with this place.
Grace and Peace
Not that people are individually hollow, but a lot of people do things in a hollow way. I can't tell if it is because they are blind to it, or because they think that they're at the peak of "Christianity". We are called to so much more than shallow worship at chapel and apathy while participating in a ministry. Yet, that is exactly what I find here and it breaks my heart.
Whatever this thing is, it does a good job at hiding itself behind "good motives". Motives behind why there are things put in place by administration that don't make sense except for the fact that I hope that they are doing what is best for this campus. I'm not talking about rules or attitudes, but it overflows into those areas, into every area of a person's life, even to the point of infecting their relationship with Christ.
Perhaps, it is because people are comfortable; that may be the issue. People have grown comfortable in their superficial Christianity. As before, I'm not saying that people themselves are superficial (that is between them and God), but many of them have fallen into a pattern that scream superficiality (And I'm probably guilty of that too at times).
Then again, It could be even deeper than that...
What causes us to care about a reputation to the point of enforcing inane rules to keep money coming in? What causes us to feel the need to advertise prayer retreats, to condemn those who are not missionaries, and be hypocritical about being an open community? It all feels so hollow, as if we are trying to pull some type of joke, and God is not laughing.
And the strangest thing of all about it to me is that regardless of how close I am to God, and how much I spend time with Him; regardless of what people have impacted me, and what I have learned, I still feel hollow.
There is something definitely dreadfully wrong with this place.
Grace and Peace
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Incredulity Is A Fun Word
I've come to realize that I have been pretty iritable lately, and that in itself is irritating. I don't think my reasons for being irritated are bad necessarily, but it does affect the way I interact with people, and I know it shows in my body language because I practically where my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see. It's been a weird couple of weeks in that sense, and I can only pray that God will help me with this irritation so that I can love people the way He does and not by any concept of love I might have. Ironically though, it is love that leads to being irritated over what some people are doing. I can see so much potential being wasted because they won't open their eyes.
Some put too much expectations on others without voicing such thoughts, and then let everyone else sit confused when they blow up. Others don't listen to what is being said and in that way assume they know more about the situation they are in then they really do; and still others could be given freedom if only they would ask for it, but they do not want to be free, and that is the most depressing one of all. I know that I don't know everything, and if I am wrong about the situations I observe and hear about then good. I want to be wrong about some things.
So I'm irritated, but I'm also tired. I'm tired of all the inane and hypocritical things that go on here on campus. I'm tired of them trying to force a love for God down our throats, of claiming to be operating in Truth and yet still acting out of some form of legalism rather than out of love. I'm tired of them forcing us to do a "ministry" knowing that when one does it out of obligation it really does the body very little good, or no good at all. I'm tired of rules, inconsistencies, disregard, and assumptions that are made constantly from both the administration and the student body. We will never be unified at this pace. I know that this place can be redeemed, I can almost see it sometimes, but it is not there yet.
Unfortunately, I can't finish the rest of my thoughts at the moment, which means I'll probably forget how to say it throughout the day.
Grace and Peace.
Some put too much expectations on others without voicing such thoughts, and then let everyone else sit confused when they blow up. Others don't listen to what is being said and in that way assume they know more about the situation they are in then they really do; and still others could be given freedom if only they would ask for it, but they do not want to be free, and that is the most depressing one of all. I know that I don't know everything, and if I am wrong about the situations I observe and hear about then good. I want to be wrong about some things.
So I'm irritated, but I'm also tired. I'm tired of all the inane and hypocritical things that go on here on campus. I'm tired of them trying to force a love for God down our throats, of claiming to be operating in Truth and yet still acting out of some form of legalism rather than out of love. I'm tired of them forcing us to do a "ministry" knowing that when one does it out of obligation it really does the body very little good, or no good at all. I'm tired of rules, inconsistencies, disregard, and assumptions that are made constantly from both the administration and the student body. We will never be unified at this pace. I know that this place can be redeemed, I can almost see it sometimes, but it is not there yet.
Unfortunately, I can't finish the rest of my thoughts at the moment, which means I'll probably forget how to say it throughout the day.
Grace and Peace.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Nothing
There are so many things that I feel like I could say, and yet no words come to mind. Just one emotion after the other.
Is it the atmospheres that I am around, is it my own hormones not knowing which way to go? Is it something more than a physiological or mental construct? I think it might be.
Everyone seems to be hurting lately, and in turn, it hurts me. I want to cry every now and then when I see people walk in and can just tell that there is peace that needs to be received, Freedom needs to be attained, and healing given. But how can I do such things? I cannot, and with that sentiment I know that there is nothing I can do to help, except pray and love. I feel that it is the only thing I know how to do at times. There is nothing wrong with prayer and love, and I've grown to accept it as an action that is helping, but that still doesn't take away the feeling of uselessness when all I want to do is see people happy, and in tune with Truth, with God.
But alas, I can do nothing as I watch people force their perspectives down others' throats, or try to manipulate a situation to keep themselves in control. I can do nothing for people who get nothing but bad events happen to them one after the other, no choose to not be freed and healed of their pain and sorrow. I can do nothing at all, and I suppose in the end that it is really about that very thought.
I can do nothing, because He has to do everything. If He does not do it, then He is not being Himself.
We are nothing, except that He intrinsically defines us as something, and in that sense, we are good. Not morally, but creationally. And that is a happy thought. We have value, because He said we did; what more could a mess like me ask for?
Is it the atmospheres that I am around, is it my own hormones not knowing which way to go? Is it something more than a physiological or mental construct? I think it might be.
Everyone seems to be hurting lately, and in turn, it hurts me. I want to cry every now and then when I see people walk in and can just tell that there is peace that needs to be received, Freedom needs to be attained, and healing given. But how can I do such things? I cannot, and with that sentiment I know that there is nothing I can do to help, except pray and love. I feel that it is the only thing I know how to do at times. There is nothing wrong with prayer and love, and I've grown to accept it as an action that is helping, but that still doesn't take away the feeling of uselessness when all I want to do is see people happy, and in tune with Truth, with God.
But alas, I can do nothing as I watch people force their perspectives down others' throats, or try to manipulate a situation to keep themselves in control. I can do nothing for people who get nothing but bad events happen to them one after the other, no choose to not be freed and healed of their pain and sorrow. I can do nothing at all, and I suppose in the end that it is really about that very thought.
I can do nothing, because He has to do everything. If He does not do it, then He is not being Himself.
We are nothing, except that He intrinsically defines us as something, and in that sense, we are good. Not morally, but creationally. And that is a happy thought. We have value, because He said we did; what more could a mess like me ask for?
Grace and Peace.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
There's a Story Brewing...
The last time I posted it was 2008, and now it is 2009. I feel kinda old.
I got to spend some time with my family over Christmas break, but not as much as I would have liked. I spent the majority of the week I was at home working; which, even though I liked having money by the end of the week, I really hated that I did not get more time with friends and family. I spent another two weeks with Sammi's family which was a lot of fun, but it was really chaotic and there were a ton of people. I like people, but I also like my quiet time, which did not really exist the second week there. However I cannot complain, and I am glad I was able to spend some time with her family.
Now, I am back at TFC for a winterum course: Western Thought & Culture, or more commonly known, Wasted Thought and Torture.
I honestly don't find it to be torture or wasted thought, but I do understand how it could have gotten its title. It feels a lot like TFC's attempt to indoctrinate and brainwash its students into following the same beliefs that it holds; that thought horrifies me. Have Christians fallen so low that we have to coerce and deceive those around us to get them to “believe in Christ”? Is it absolutely necessary that we must accuse those that do not share our beliefs as heretics? Heaven forbid we attempt to find our own way through scripture and life, and come up with our own beliefs about God. Maybe I'm wrong, but if God is Truth, then wouldn't those who are honestly seeking Him come to the same conclusions as those who have grown up in the church and been indoctrinated by those around them? Do not get me wrong, I think that we can learn from others and that God uses that to teach us, but I also think that sometimes we overreact to someone possibly struggling through thoughts that are different from our own (collectively).
I've been thinking about how often Christian's take God's name in vain. I know that might sound a bit abrasive, but if you really think about it you will find that it is true. For one, and perhaps the most obvious place to see it is in our prayers. How often do you hear someone pray and say God's name three or four times every sentence. “God we would just like to Father ask you to bless us Father God, and protect us God from temptation.” Is it just me, or do prayers like that feel like we are replacing “um” with “God”? Has his name lost so much reverence in our mind that we use it as we use “um”? Just to give you an idea of how bad this is to me, I have a communication professor who calls words like “um” word vomit, because it has absolutely no relevance nor purpose in a speech. So, with that thought, saying God that much in a sentence is turning His name into “word vomit”, and that is unacceptable.
And what about music? This is something I really struggle with sometimes. If I listen, play, or even write, “Christian” music, without the proper attitude, am I being irreverent to God? I listen to music aimed to worship often, but when I listen to it, am I worshiping? If I am not, then I might as well be listening to something else, because I would not want to offend God with my disrespect any more than I already have.
These are just thoughts running through my head; I am not claiming, or accusing anything. Although, the brainwash thing really does disturb me. I am not a drone, despite what schools might think.
Grace and Peace.
“Yesterday is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery
And Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)