It is tough to be disciplined. Not in the, “I just got grounded because I
stayed out past curfew” kind of way but a, “I was going to play with my friends
but realized I needed to do my homework first” kind of way. It is tough to be motivated, to remind
yourself every day to do the things that need to be done. At least, it is difficult for me.
For instance, yesterday I actually disciplined myself to
write some more of the story I’ve been working on. Yes, the number on the right side of this
blog is still correct, I’ve been stuck in this spot for a little bit. Regardless, I sit down and begin to type and I
realize that I have absolutely no motivation to write. I love to write, but I have to have some sort
of “feeling” that I don’t really know how to explain to be present if I am
going to write something worth reading (fictionally at least). So, I didn’t push through that battle and
instead stopped all together. I think
now, if I had only kept writing anyway, I would have ended up with some pretty
awesome elements in the story.
I guess that’s where motivation is commandeered by
discipline. At the point of most
resistance, discipline is the foundation that pushes you through. Motivation will only carry you so far before
it proves to be too weak a force.
I have found this to be especially true in the areas of
exercise and writing for me, and I think just writing these past few paragraphs
has kicked in the motivation to keep at it, and has brought about a new
perspective on that area of life. I
digress.
The tricky thing about discipline, and any change that
people want to make really, is that it has to happen inwardly before it can
happen outwardly. That is, all changes
that are permanent in a person’s life that pertain to the person (habits,
personality, beliefs, etc.) start inward and work their way out.
Example: Two men are trying to quit smoking, one is doing it
because he can see the pain it puts his family through every time he lights up
another cigarette; the other is doing it because it would be interesting to see
what life would be like without the craving.
One man is motivated by a deep need and want, and the other is motivated
by curiosity. In the end, who do you
think would be more likely to succeed in their endeavor? I would wager that the man who did it for his
family succeeds and does so willingly, while the man who does it out of
curiosity would ultimately give up thinking that knowing an answer isn’t worth
all the pain involved.
Now, I cannot say if this is true or not as I have not been
in that position. However, I have seen
time and time again, as I am sure you, my readers, have as well, that people
who have this deep internal need/want to do or change something are the ones
who are successful. When we internalize
these needs and wants they become a part of who we are. Things that are innate within ourselves will
naturally reveal itself in our actions; not that we do it perfectly every time,
but there is a consistency involved. So,
to bring this back to my example of writing and exercise earlier. I exercise and write not because I want to
(although I find that oftentimes I do) but because it is who I am. I am an active and healthy individual who is
also an aspiring author.
It is just who I am.
I am also a Christian.
You see, I have been so inundated by the Christian sub-culture;
it is hard to say that I could be anything else. Except for one thing, there are countless
stories of people who have grown up in the church like I have and have left,
for various reasons, never to return. I
too have the same capacity, so why do I stay?
Why do I go to church every Sunday? Listen to “worship music” from time to time?
Pray?
I will tell you: it is because it is who I am, and I am in
love. I was not born a Christian; in
fact, I spent the first ten years of my time in the Christian culture
unwillingly. I just wanted to do my own
thing. Although, as a ten year old what
do you really want? But, someone
captured my heart while I was there, and I have been unable to leave ever
since. I speak, of course, of
Jesus. He is reason I am who I am. You see, as strange as it may sound, this “invisible
deity” has changed my life for the better.
When I was younger I suffered from so many anger problems, even to the
point of getting violent and blacking out once.
However, through my relationship with Jesus I no longer suffer from
these anger issues, or at least, not nearly as much. This was not a change I made on my own, and
it was not one I even initiated within myself, but just a change that came as a
consequence of my regular commune with him.
I guess the important point here is that I am not making
changes in my person simply because Christians have this list of rules they
need to follow, but rather I make the changes because I am in love with a being
that I believe to be the Creator God. In
fact, to think of the moral standard like some list of rules is to
misunderstand it. The standard is no
different than obeying the laws placed down by any government; after all, what
are our laws if not a moral standard placed on ourselves? As far as I can tell, the biggest difference
comes in this: the Christians’ moral standard comes from something bigger than
themselves, while the government’s moral standard comes from within.
Earlier, I said that changes are made from within, this I
still hold true, but the catalyst to this inward change, as a Christian, comes
from a force outside of myself, and yet, simultaneously within as well. This force is both God and my love for
him. Just as I do certain things for my
wife because I love her, I also do things for others and for God because I love
him. It is my love for him that leads me
to follow the standard, to do everything I can to show love to those around me,
and to apologize for those who have not acted as they should under the banner
of Christianity. Seriously, I am sorry
that some people treat you like garbage.
If it is any consolation they treat their fellow Christians like dirt
too.
It is not who we are meant to be. It certainly is not who I am. Who I am is appalled by that, and I believe
God is too.
Grace and Peace
