This week has been invigorating. I don't think there really is any other word for it.

For the past three days I've been able to delve into some deeper conversations with friends than I have been able to do in months. Tuesday a friend and I discussed an idea concerning a historical Jesus, which had started because of a misunderstanding of what he had said a week or so prior. While neither of us agreed with the idea, it led to some good conversation.

Every Wednesday, my brother and I meet around lunch time for about an hour as "blood with blood working through life". This past Wednesday was full of questions from myself and from him that we were able to go back and forth on, and I believe it lead to some answers even though all we got out of it was more questions.

And then, yesterday, I got to spend an hour with a friend I haven't seen in several months. We spent some time catching up but we ended up having some good discussion time as well, which is something I've always tended to do with him, so while it was expected it was still awesome and I was sad to leave it so soon (stupid parking meter!).

So, this week has been a week of energizing my spirit, and perhaps even some healing.

I sometimes forget how important connection through conversation is to the human soul. To explore philosophy, theology, science, etc., just for the sake of exploring it. No agenda and no plans, but enjoying the discovery and the sheer adventure of just letting your mind wander.
In other words, at least for me, Intellectual stimulation is just as important as being shown affection. It's a part of what makes me tick.

Starting two new books this week: The King Jesus Gospel by Scot McKnight, and Daring by Paul Louis Cole. One was given to me as a gift, the other was encouraged for the purposes of discussion with others. From what little I've read of both, I think I can learn quite a bit from these books. I suppose reading books like this is another way to intellectual stimulation, but nothing really beats talking with people.

I'm trying to consistent post more often. I'm hoping that more than not these posts will spurn on getting our minds thinking.

Other times though, like this post, it will probably just be small updates on how my book is going, or how I'm processing through some things. Since most if not all of my readers are people I don't talk to as often as I'd like or family, then this side of posting won't necessarily be a bad thing. It's just not my preference.

That being said, I'll leave with this question.

What is Intellectual Stimulation in regards to how you operate?

Grace and Peace

Thoughts on a Challenge

I know it’s been a while since I posted, but I haven’t really had a whole lot of time. Here is a much belated Happy New Year wish.

Now, down to the reason I am posting.

I have a constantly growing list of books I want to read. Some have been impromptu, some have been suggested, and some have been directly given to me. The book that I am currently working on in that list is called Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge.

I have found this book to be very challenging. While the tone he sets in this book has a “conservative” feel to it, he doesn’t really touch on any of the “conservative” beliefs. In fact, most of the book isn’t based on any traditional doctrine at all. Really, it is quite fascinating.

The basic premise of the book is discovering/re-discovering who Jesus really was. His personality is so skewed by what he calls “religious fog” and it is time we get back to how Scripture shows him to be: playful, fiercely intentional, most human of all, extravagantly generous, disruptively honest, scandalously free, cunning, humble, true, and beautiful. Seriously, no matter where you are in your relationship with God, I would suggest this read if you haven’t read it already.

I’m not quite done with the book, but like I said before, it has proven to be challenging. The challenge I want to touch on right now would be this concept of “Forgiving God”. If you are like me, the first thought you just had is, “God doesn’t need our forgiveness.” No, he doesn’t. However, I’m sure that there are many of us who need to forgive him. I think everyone has something that they are mad at God about, something they resent him for, are angry about, and even blame him for. In order to truly reconcile ourselves to God, the author proposes (and I agree with him), we need to forgive him of those things we blame him for. While God has never wronged us, we often feel wronged by God anyway.

“If God really loved me, he would take away my school debt.”

“If God really loved me, he wouldn’t have let my grandfather die from cancer.”

“If God really loved me, he wouldn’t have let me grow up in an environment where I felt worthless.”

“If God really loved people, then his followers wouldn’t be the most hateful to those who are different.”

Pain, brokenness, shame, anger; every one of us has a story. I haven’t discovered what I need to forgive God for yet, but I don’t have a doubt in my mind that if I look far enough inward I’ll probably find a few things. Maybe I’ll find a lot of things.

What are some things you blame God for?

Is it something minor? Is it a deep wound?

What does it mean to forgive God?

What is keeping you from forgiving him?

Interestingly, Jesus has always been very personal and intimate with his disciples or anyone else who has approached him.

In reverence we will pray to our “Almighty and Everlasting Father” which isn’t wrong, but Jesus came to us and said, “Abba, Father”. In today’s terms, “Papa, Dad”

Can you imagine going to church and hearing someone say, “Papa, we want you to come be with us.”

Suddenly, God has gone from some distant, uncaring being to whom we pay tribute, to someone who is intimately close and intensely aware of you everything you are.

I think sometimes our idea of reverence and respect for God get in the way of our hearts being open to what he really wants to do in our lives. We close ourselves off with jargon, lofty ideas, and good intentions. I have no doubt in my mind that when we use these reverent terms many of us have every intention of showing God respect, but it limits him.

Think about Peter, a disciple who loved Jesus so intensely and so passionately. When Jesus made a move to wash his feet, Peter protested out of reverence to Jesus. Immediately, Jesus told Peter, “that is not the way this works.” Jesus never wanted to be held back from doing what he needs and wants to do in our lives.

I think I have started rambling, so I’m going to stop this post here.

Still, I hope this has provided some provoking thoughts. I hope it sits uncomfortably with you. I hope you find it as challenging as I have.

Grace and Peace.

Answers to the Question

I know I posted the question a few weeks ago, but I've had to really think this one through. However, I haven't gotten much further in my thoughts than when I started. I am going to assume this is because I have never personally dealt with this. The question of course being, why do we return to the abuse.

A recent post from a friend of mine kind of triggered this one because it helped me understand a different part. -Thanks for the comments by the way, I really appreciated them, and found both to be enlightening.-

While I agree with Dan that there is definitely a chemical thing that we overlook and I liked the idea that we as humans take what we like and exaggerate it to the point of it being harmful; I also liked this idea that perhaps self-image has something to do with as well that Erik brought up.

So, I find myself back where I started, because there are so many things to take into account.

Still, I came across another thought about it. Perhaps we return to the abuse because we feel numb to the world? Like I said, this post is triggered by another (which contained this sense of needing to be and feel alive). Perhaps, we as humans, have this deep, innate, unquenchable desire to not just survive, but to live. I have yet to meet a person who likes being in so much routine that their brains go on autopilot and they stop being the individuals they were created to be. Which leads me to believe that maybe, on a subconscious level, we all find ways to keep us from becoming total zombies.

So, am I saying that people enter abusive relationships because they feel like it's the only thing that reminds them they are actually alive? It's plausible, but I can't really say one way or the other because I don't really know. But there is a reason, why can't this be one of them?

Everyone has a reason for the things they do, whether it's to start trouble or run away from it; to overeat or not eat at all; to be around people all the time or to refuse to be around people, etc. There is a reason, and I think that reason is actually a lot of different reasons all wrapped around and intricately woven into each other that they can't be picked apart like twizzler candy.

So, that's about how far my thoughts went on this, even though I spent time trying to get further. I guess this is one of those things where I have to experience it to understand it better (but I don't really want that to be honest).

This concludes my thoughts from "A Question For You"

Grace and Peace

Christian Haters

I know I said I would post more on the relationship thing when I got my thoughts together, but unfortunately that hasn't happened quite as of yet, however, I did come across some comments on a video I posted to facebook recently. The video is irrelevant to this topic, however, because it isn't just this video that has procured the type of response that was presented in the comments. No it was how the "Christians" were presenting themselves that makes me want to say sometimes, "I hate being a Christian." And right now, I just need to rant a little.

Why is it, that the people who follow a God who wants to bring people to himself, feel the need to bash people with our truths and actually turn people away? It boggles my mind how unloving we can be toward others. No wonder everyone hates us!

The issue being discussed in the comments was gay marriage. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure where I stand with it, but I am looking through it and working out that part of my faith; both sides of the argument feel a little weak and blanketed in Scripture (yes, both have Scriptures to support their view). Regardless, I don't think it is right to just start spouting Bible verses at people and expect them to accept it with grace, much less to change their ways. When has that ever worked?

In a society who puts so much emphasis on intellectual and critical thinking, the Christian institution is years behind. Our churches keep trying to bring about this emotional response, but emotions are fleeting and I, for one, don't put much stock in decisions I make when I'm emotional. I try to think about the decision after I have calmed down enough to think clearly.
Still, I see a lot of people get incredibly aggressive when trying to "defend the faith". I've seen people get into screaming matches over predestination and free will. In the end, does it really matter?

In the narrative of Jesus' life we find that the religious leaders of the time went to Christ with a lot of controversial issues trying to trip him up. More times than not he would end up turning the discussion a completely different direction. I think he did that, because he knew that there was something more important and deeper to consider with each issue than just the topic on hand. I wonder if he sometimes sighs in exasperation at our simple thinking.

"I gave you critical thinking! Why are you oversimplifying this again?"

I don't think he's necessarily frustrated with us, but I think he wants to knock some sense into us sometimes.

An additional thought: I spent a lot of time at a "Christian School" and "Bible College" and let me just say that know-it-all Christians tend to cause more harm than good. I can list at least five examples where an individual did something that led to a lot of harm, and all in the name of "God". To fellow believers! While unacceptable, one might understand why there might be a schism between Christians and non-Christians. But when there is a schism between the people within the organization, trouble ensue.

I don't think we are supposed to all agree on everything. Fact is, we're probably all wrong about something in one way or another. This is why I try to stay open to how others "interpret Scripture" and why I try to truly -listen- when people are sharing how they feel about anything. I want to know and then work through it myself and decide whether or not I feel like it lines up with the God I know in such a limited way.

We need to wake up to what we are doing; people have been telling us for years. We need to get our heads out of the sand, and leave our little Christian bubble and observe, and listen, and discuss, and love.

People didn't listen to Jesus because he was some phenomenal speaker, or because he had great wisdom. No, I think people listened to Jesus initially because he showed them how much he -cared- for them. Ultimately, they benefited from his wisdom, and they were able to learn a great deal about God through him.

But, as cliche as it is, it rings true:
"People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care."

No one cares what you believe, until they see that you care about them as an individual.

And, I am probably oversimplifying things again, I do that often. So, if you have any questions, as usual, you can always post them in the comments or talk with me directly. I'd be more than happy to flesh these thoughts out with you.

Question for You

I'm starting to see a trend. As most of my immediate circles consist of single people I suppose it would be easy to spot but still it catches me by surprise almost every time.

The trend is that both men and women tend to get themselves wrapped up in the "wrong person"; meaning, they are in relationships that are abusive or unhealthy in some way. I am constantly baffled by this. If you are unhappy why keep going back to that person? I suppose the psychoanalysts would probably comment on some obscure past where the individual is so wounded that they feel like at least the person they are with gives them attention. While that might play into it sometimes, I think that is a really weak analysis and that they need to look a little deeper.

I do believe that our past has a part it plays (which is why you might like one person over another) and I believe that there are wounds in our lives that influence how we treat each other, but I have a hard time believing that this is all there is. I suppose this comes from knowing some people who have actually been with good people but the relationship refused to work because of one thing or another, or from some who refuse to leave the relationship permanently because of something that drives them toward each other. Perhaps it is the result of faulty logic, but again, that would be a side effect and not always the case.

So what is it? What drives us back to the same type of people over and over again?

I have a few theories but I really want to work those thoughts out a little further before I post again on the subject. So, I ask you, the general populace, why do you think that we as a species do crazy stuff like this?

Truth about Something

It's been too long since my last post. Do I even have any readers? Well, I don't really write for them anyway, hah!

I've been going through a little bit of trouble lately. Not so much in the physical sense, and certainly not a negative thing, but still trouble nonetheless.

You see, my spirit is troubled over my own complacency.

Lately I have been having these thoughts along the lines, "Is this really all there is?" Don't misunderstand, I love my job, the church I go to, and the family I've been blessed with. I believe that I am where I am supposed to be at this point in time, but I also feel like I'm missing something; like there is something else I need to be doing and I'm just ignoring it completely. This had led to several different interesting situations, and perhaps left me a little bewildered by it all.

What is that something I'm missing? Is it merely an emotion? Is it some higher task that God has called me to? Is it just the result of going through some of the emotional lows last week, and now that I'm on the rise the feeling will pass? I don't know. All I really do know is that I'm experiencing it here and now, and so I will address it.

I think writing has become a big part of who I am. That isn't really evidenced by this blog at the moment, and I hope to change that, but I do write frequently and enjoy it immensely. I enjoy it to the point of haven written over 40,000 words in a story that may never get published and desiring to continue in that story until it is complete. Which is something I've never felt before. So perhaps this is the something I'm missing?

I also think that teaching is something that is to arise in my future. Specifically, teaching Scripture to people in a public speaking medium. I in no way have the training for such a thing, and yet I can't escape the feeling. I have been out of a full time ministry position for around a year and a half now, feel hesitant to return any time soon, and yet I feel, with a high percentage of certainty, that God is going to take me back into the belly of the beast known as ministry. And it is a beast; no one else in all of the Christian circles are held to a higher standard than those who are more than volunteers in any ministry. Perhaps this is the "something" missing?

It could go beyond these things though (and I suspect that these things are part of the answer). What the beyond is I can only guess at, and I suppose this is where the "comment on the human life" comes into play today.

I think when it comes down to the grind, everyone has these points in their life where they feel troubled by a "something" or maybe a "someone". I think the most noticeable evidence of this is what we call a "mid-life crisis". However, I don't believe that it is limited to middle aged men and women. This is an underlying thing that permeates every age. To be honest, I don't know what the source of these moments are, and maybe it is different for each person, but I have a sneaking suspicion its one of God's ways of trying to get our attention.

It is also a way to become more aware of who you are as an individual. I recently just finished a book. The final book of the Inheritance Cycle to be exact. In this series of books, there is mention of a "true name" for every living and innate thing. Furthermore, if you know the true name of that person or thing, you had complete control over them. Thus, the knowledge of your true name (which revealed all of who you are for better or worse) is incredibly dangerous, but as you might imagine, can also be very enlightening. As I read I wondered, do we have true names? Now, I don't really think that there is a name out there that if said I'm just going to fall over unable to control myself, but the idea that there is a way to understand ourselves so deeply is intriguing. As one who strives for self-awareness, I think it would be worthwhile to learn my "true name" or "true self" as I'm really referring to it; however, it isn't always the prettiest and it is hard to not want to hide from the truth of it all. Definitely something to think about.

Well, I think I've bored you enough with my broken and incomplete thoughts. Besides, if I wanted to leave a novel for you to read I would have just copy and pasted my story.

Grace and Peace

Trusting to be Delivered

There are many things in this world I simply do not understand. Sometimes, I do not even really understand my own responses to situations at hand.

For example, someone might say something crude at work, and deep inside of me there is something disgusted by it, and yet I laugh. I hide behind a mask of tolerance, I suppose, and I have to wonder if it really is acceptable. Of course, the answer is no. As a believer of the truths found within Scripture, I cannot say that my actions are "Okay". Yet, I still feel this thing within me that shuns away from being assertive about it all. It is not that I am ashamed of my Savior, for indeed if I was I might not mention anything about him at all. No, I believe at some point or another it intrinsically comes down to my subconscious level of trust in Him.

This 4th of July I wanted to discuss my opinions on the fact that every church around the world shouts "God Bless America", and then ignores the blessings that God has provided for them in abundance. Instead, I find myself struggling with this question that occurred to me only a few days ago. Do I trust God?

Now, I would definitely say that I have faith in God, but that really isn't the same thing is it? To have faith is to believe in something that may not be seen. Dictionary.com uses this as one of its definitions of faith:

Belief that is not based on proof.

I would say that every person exhibits faith in some form or another. Some choose to have faith in reason, some in a supernatural being, and still others in money or something else, but all operate on faith.

However, the fact of the matter is, faith is not the same as trust, and yet, we use it so interchangeably that we forget about the differences. Faith tends to be a matter of head knowledge, while trust, at least for me, tends to be putting faith into practice and operates on a level based off my heart. In fact to quote Dictionary.com again, trust is:

Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Relying on someone is a whole lot more emotionally involving than having faith in someone.

Which brings me back to the question: Am I (are we) trusting God?

Do I trust God to provide money for that Water Bill I can't pay this week?

Do I trust God to give me the kind of job I need so that I can provide for my family?

Do I trust God to defend me when I attempt to stand for what is right?

Do I trust God to take control of my life so that it will glorify Him rather than myself?

Do I trust God?

I have begun reading a book by Brennan Manning called Ruthless Trust. And within the very first chapter, Manning makes this comment (paraphrase), "God finds Trust so enticing and desirable that Christ died for the love of it." That thought blew my mind, and it has led to a deepening in my understanding of God.

Trust is allowing myself to be OK with the fact that I may have to quit one job after only six weeks of work, to submit to another position that would be full-time because it would be closer and provide for my family better.

Trust is expecting and almost demanding God to take over me so that I can love my family, friends, and strangers with His love and not my meager attempts at kindness.

Trust is maintaining a confidence in the face of doubt and uncertainty that everything will be all right because God loves you too much to let you go.

Trust is a decision.

Love is a decision.

Trust is a decision to put all your hopes, dreams, quirks, failures, successes, everything, into the love of the Father.

Trust is being vulnerable, unarmed, undefended, naked.

Trust is about a human Being, and not a human Doing.

Trust is... Surrender.

Complete and total surrender to a Master who conquered the city of sin that I was in and being pleasantly surprised by the freedom there is in being a slave. I've never thought about it that way before.

Do I trust God? Not as intrinsically as I used to or should, no. But, and this is the beautiful part of it all; God is teaching me what it is to trust in Him again. Will you join me?

Grace and Peace