An Open Letter to the Church

image credit: serre86/shutterstock

(This post was copied from my wordpress blog)

I've been mulling over my thoughts and feelings for the past few days now and I think I'm finally ready to express what has become a very serious concern for me. So, I present this very open letter to anyone who claims to be a believer in Christ, and more specifically, to the church as an institution.

With everything that has been going on lately, I've really had to re-examine myself and my actions. Consequently, this also led to my observations of the church as a whole. This is where my struggle begins.

We have failed our mandate.

I am grieved by the state of the church today. I weep whenever I see hate, sorrow, anxiety, impatience, harshness, hypocrisy, and pride take priority within the church. We unabashedly spew injustice, legalism, and dogma to those we were called to love and then wonder why church attendance is so low.

How easily we have forgotten that the very core of our story, the Gospel, only begins with the sacrifice Jesus made for us. It continues with his life, his teachings and his examples. He exemplified the very virtues that we should try to uphold every single day: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

He condemned no one, but offered his loving embrace and Truth to anyone who was willing to listen. He had compassion.

Yet, time and time again I watch in horror as those who are supposed to be the embodiment of all this good fall into the exact opposite. How little we cried out against the wrongs of our history, but how quickly we were to point accusatory fingers at others for their wrongs.

We sat idly by as organizations like Westboro Baptist Church openly harassed members of the LGBTQ+ community, and even showed our solidarity with them during events like "Chik-fil-a Day" (Remember that day in 2012?). Or, how about those times we made Kaepernick's peaceful protest about #blacklivesmatter, about him "disrespecting the flag". We ignore the fact (or at least, pretend it's not as bad as it seems), that people are abused and rejected by the church because of some imagined or real sin. If a person makes us uncomfortable, we shut them out.

I have never been more ashamed of my association with the word Christian as I am today. If you happen to be reading this and have been hurt by a "Christian" in any sense of the word then I apologize from the bottom of my heart. The hurt and pain and judgment that has been shown to you is not what Jesus taught and it is appalling that you had (maybe even continue) to experience that. I hope that you can find it in your heart to one day forgive us.

This has to stop.

The strongest evidence that we have failed our neighbor is being evidenced right now by the state of our country. We have allowed racism and politics to pervade our sanctuaries; something that should have never even been tolerated outside of the church, much less in. You want revival to happen in America? Stop judging and start loving. Look at yourself: truly, openly, honestly, and focus on the things that you need to work on and just love those around you.

If we are going to teach and preach that all people are worthy in God's sight, then it's time we actually lived like we mean it.

When asked, Jesus said that the greatest commandments were to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. In the same sentence he also added, love your neighbor as yourself. There was no caveat, no addendum, no exceptions. Love God, Love People.

We have not been loving our neighbor, and by extension we have not been loving God.

This is my call to action. This is my desperate plea.

Be better.

No longer tolerate injustice. No longer be enslaved to politics. No longer be bogged down by the dogma. No longer let there be a barrier between you and the people you were called to love.

Let us all strive to be more like Jesus. Right now we are so far from it.

In a lot of ways, I feel that we are guilty of far worse than the police officers who have shown just how brutal they can be. At least we know where they stand.

No, we just pretend like nothing is wrong as we savagely rip apart the souls of the downtrodden, the hopeless, and the weary. Instead of being a refuge, we have become a snake pit.

If Jesus were to give his speech to the Pharisees today, it would be aimed at us. I honestly think we would be the ones to be driven out of the temple with the whip. There is no place in God's kingdom for what the church has become.

Doesn't that make you weep?

You can try to justify, or argue. You can write me off completely. But I think deep down we all know the truth.

We must be better.

Grace and Peace.

Faith in Relationships and God, Part 2

I suppose this is where the fun begins.

God isn’t like the rest of us.  Jesus wasn’t a guy who just didn’t get it.  If anything, he showed that he understood us so much better than we understood ourselves.  He proved that he loved the people he was with even though he knew their past, he knew their shame, and he certainly knew their hearts.

There is no deceiving God, no way to hide, no way to hurt; he always knows where you are, how you feel, and how to take care of you.

He is the only being in the whole of existence who sees you for who you really are, all the vulnerabilities, all the hurts, all the past mistakes, all the good, all the dreams, the hopes, the desires.  He sees it all and loves it.  More specifically, he loves you.

He. Loves. You.

Whether you reject him or embrace him, he will always be just a breath away.  He will not hurt you, and you cannot disappoint him.  There is nothing you can do to make him go away.

But he doesn’t invade your life either.  He allows you to make your own decisions and waits patiently for you.  He is basically exactly what we are all looking for and need in a relationship.

Might seem too good to be true, but keep in mind I mentioned what we needed in a relationship and not what we wanted.  They are incredibly different things.  And oftentimes confused for each other.

But think about it.  One of the greatest needs humanity has it to feel love and acceptance, and to have a sense of belonging.  It makes them feel safe, and it makes them feel important.  I think in our core, we all have a deep need to be significant.

And we are significant.  We are worthy of being loved.

To use an “overused” verse from John 3

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.”

The point is, you are loved.

But what does that have to do with Faith in God?

Well, to really have faith in someone you have to trust them.  I personally find it impossible to truly trust someone without knowing they actually care about me and my well-being.  So, I felt that it was important to establish that God does actually care.

This is where it gets tricky.

See, I have found over the years that for me to trust others, I need to be trustworthy myself.  I need to exhibit the qualities that I desire to see in other people (within reason).  If I want my wife to prove she is trustworthy I must also be willing to put forth the effort in doing the same.  It is just the natural course of relationships from my own experience.

My relationship with God isn’t really any different.   There is still ebb and flow, give and take, and a need to show trust and be trusted.

This gets incredibly difficult when things don’t always go the way we expect.  Admittedly, there are days when I have felt that God betrayed me or hurt me on purpose, but I have to remember that despite how I feel, the reality is that God doesn’t do anything without purpose, without reason.  I, in my finite mind, cannot always understand the movements of an infinite being.

That doesn’t really make it easy.  If anything it makes it more difficult.  But I find that if I can shut down my pride for a few minutes then maybe I will begin to see that, as Solomon put it, “There is a season for everything.”  Sometimes we have to wait; sometimes we have to weather a storm; sometimes we have to make it through the tougher parts of life to get a little stronger so we can go a little further; and sometimes things are gravy.

Just like a relationship with another person.

I feel like, ultimately, having faith in another person, and having faith in God when it comes to relationships is really no different.

Furthermore, I would argue that they are actually intimately intertwined.

My relationship with God actually does affect my relationship with my wife and with others.  If I am being adamant in speaking with God, meditating on who he is, what he has done for me, and what he has to say both in scripture and in my own personal time with him then I find that my relationships with other improve immensely from it.

But when I neglect to do those things my relationships with others stagnate, I tend to be more irritable than usual and poor attitudes slowly creep into my core.

And I don’t want that.

I don’t want that at all.

Grace and Peace.

p.s.  Dear friend,  I hope this has helped you even a little bit.  If you want to discuss this more in person you are more than welcome to come find me.  You know where I live.  :)

Faith in Relationships and God, Part 1

I was asked by a friend to write out my thoughts on faith and how it plays out in relationships and with God.  I’ve been mulling over it for about a week now, and I’m still not entirely sure I’ve gotten all my thoughts straightened out but I thought now might be a good time to start the writing process and see where the journey takes us.  Without further ado:

I guess the first thing that needs to be addressed what the definition of the word faith since it will be the basis for the rest of the post.  There are few different points under the faith definition but I am going to just use the two points that I think are reflected at the heart of the question:

Faith [feyth]

1.       Confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.

2.       Belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

That is what we are really talking about here when we talk about faith in relationships:  A showing of trust and confidence in the face of uncertainty or lack of proof.

I think I want to start with faith in relationships.  I feel that perhaps this will be the easier of the two to address and I want to make sure my thoughts have worked themselves out a little more before I talk about faith in God.

Throughout life every human experiences a series of relationships.  Every encounter with another human or any living creature develops a form of relationship.  Whether it is an acquaintanceship with a co-worker, an affection for a pet, or love for a significant other, we are all in some form of relationship.  Each of these relationships tell a little bit about who we are as people.  How we react to different personalities, what we reveal to others at differing levels of intimacy, and how we handle conflict (perhaps the most revealing of all).  Every relationship requires some semblance of trust that the person you are interacting with is not some psychopath who is going to slit your throat when you aren’t looking (although we all know there are other ways to be much more hurtful).  The more intimate you get with another, the more faith or trust is required until eventually you get to the point where you are completely vulnerable to the other person.

When you reach that point there is no turning back.

And it is scary.

And dangerous.

But it is also freeing.

I can’t even begin to mention the times when I have been so thankful that I can really and truly be myself around my wife.  It is such a blessing to be in such a relationship with her that I can come home and not feel the need to “wear my armor” so to speak, and she has said the same to me on a number of occasions.  It is a beautiful thing to be a part of.  But being in such a relationship has the potential for some of the deepest wounds.  One small word, one phrase, one little thing is all it takes and that trust gets completely destroyed.

Many times when things like that happen, it isn’t even meant.  It is just something that was said or done in the heat of the moment.  And it happens too many times to too many people.

And sometimes those people never trust again.  They never open up because their heart is too damaged, too wounded, and they are too scared.  And that fear keeps them from opening up again which is what really needs to happen if they are ever going to heal.

The problem, of course, is that we are all people.  There is not a single perfect being out there.  Not a single individual who will take all of who you are and at some point not hurt you.  It is in our nature.  I deeply love my wife, and I know she trusts me to take care of her both emotionally and physically.  She trusts me to not use the secrets that she has kept to herself until she shared them with me against her.  She trusts me to keep those same secrets to myself.  She trusts me to respect her wishes, and she certainly trusts me to have fidelity in our relationship with each other.

And I trust her to do the same. 

It’s taken four years to get to that point, and it has been a painful process at times because despite our trust in each other, we don’t always pull through like we should. 

Because people are broken.

But we have to keep removing callouses that develop around our hearts or we will get to the point where we don’t love each other any longer.  And I don’t mean that in the sense of the emotional experience of love.  I mean the commitment and choice to love.  The act of putting the other before self, of showing patience and kindness, of getting angry at the injustice of how someone treated the other, or keeping complaints to yourself because the only reason you’re aggravated is because it is inconvenient to you.

It is a two way street, and it requires balance and finesse.

That’s why so many people will spend a lifetime toughing out the imbalance until they find it.

That’s why so many people give up on something so beautiful, because they don’t realize they can actually work through it if they wanted to.  They just don’t want to because it hurts in the now.

But we are worth so much more than this.

Grace and Peace.  Part 2 coming up Wed.

Life, God and the Little Things - Part 1

I've been meaning to do this for a while, but every time I think about sitting down to write things just get in my way.  Or I get distracted (which isn't very hard to do these days).

The past few weeks I've been really working through a lot of different questions.  Many of them centered around my beliefs and the why's behind them.  It has been a very painful, but revealing process and I think I will be the better for it when all is said and done.  There were times when I had questions without answers that indicated a point of view I had not previously considered; and there were times when something else would come up (a discovery here, an off-handed comment there, etc.) that would swing the pendulum back in the opposite direction.

I was on some type of subconscious train ride that felt like at an moment would go off track and end in disaster.

And now there is silence.  Silence in the best possible way.

It is the kind of silence you want when you are alone in the woods, or in your room, or sitting on a random park bench by yourself.  That peaceful, restful silence.  It feels like a weight has been lifted off my heart, and I begin to understand how to breath again.

All of this really started back when a friend of mine decided that he wasn't going to be a Christian anymore.  I guess it was about 10 months ago.

The news was sudden and came without warning.  I felt like I had been punched in the gut, or like I was hit by a train.  And, I didn't know it at the time, but I felt betrayed.  I had great respect for this friend (still do), spent several nights seeking his counsel in college, and always felt a type of connection that I had never felt with any of my previous acquaintances or friends.  His intellect and ability to look at things in an unbiased way was inspiring.  And, perhaps, because of these things, I had elevated him in my mind.  It only makes sense for it to hurt.

It was awkward to talk to him.  I felt like I had lost a part of myself when he chose to be an atheist.  However, we are still friends, thankfully.   While I disagree with more than I have in the past I respect his ability to make the decisions he made because I know it was not an easy journey for him.

It still isn't I suppose.

Regardless, that singular event sent me careening down a path I did not expect to take.  I did not even realize I was on this path until much later.

My path began with just trying to understand the why.  Whenever something happens, specifically significant things that affect me negatively, that is the first question that comes to my mind.  Why?

I explored this question with my friend, with my wife, and even when I was by myself.  Just short of screaming the question at the dead walls.  I never got an answer that satisfied that question.  It burned in me and spurred me onward.

I became a recluse to this friend.  I didn't want to lose his friendship, but I was having a hard time emotionally coping with it all.  So our conversations were short and shallow.  Truthfully, sometimes, they still are but the progress of healing is there and I'm sure one day I'll be able to talk to him once again like I used to.

In the background to all the mental and spiritual exploration there were a lot of things working their way into my physical life.  In October I had lost my job.  The first real job that I had ever truly enjoyed.  And with that job loss, went any progress I had made to getting all of my bills taken care of (including student loans which had been kicking my butt for almost 2 years at this point).  So, I feel like it was safe to say that I felt like I got kicked in the gut again.

It was just one thing after another.

Yet, I was happy for the most part.  I had an adoring wife, friends, and a great and supportive family.

At the same time, however, there was this underlying implication to "man-up" or "get over it".  Never spoken directly, just hovered implicitly at every encounter.

I felt like I was at war, mostly with myself, and I was losing.  By the end of the year I felt trapped and beaten.  I had slumped into a kind of depression that I am just now realizing I had.

More thoughts to come.  

Grace and Peace

 

Introverted Extrovert

I have not been getting much rest lately. I don’t know if it is because I’m always busy, or because I’m not getting the refreshing interaction I need from God and others.

A friend of mine posted recently that an introvert gets their rest from being left alone. To use his words: “…To the extrovert, this would be infuriating and make them feel run down. To the introvert, it's like heaven after a hard week…” I don’t think he could have nailed that truth any better. What I find interesting about this is the fact that the vast majority of my friends and acquaintances end up being introverted. I on the other hand, am probably one of the most extroverted people I know at the moment. It just got me thinking, what really gives me rest?

I think that it is safe to say that everyone, not just those who are introverted, need to have those times when they are left alone for a few hours just to be. That being said, I also know that as an extravert there are times when being alone is actually more stressful than restful. I think in a lot of cases extraverts get just as much energy if not more, from being around people, than they do being by themselves. It’s tricky though because there is a limit to how much that is true.

For instance, I could be ridiculously tired after working all day at my job, but the moment a friend comes over to hang out I am immediately awake and aware (for the most part). However, if I go to a family gathering I am typically one of the first to be drained and ready to leave. I think the key difference here is actually a preference to crowds vs. individuals. I can’t truly invest into a crowd. Too many people, too much energy required, and not near enough time. I think that is why I get tired; I’m an extrovert who needs to be able to invest in the relationships he is developing.

Another thing that I specifically need, and I think many extroverted people need, is a sense of camaraderie when performing tasks. This, however, might actually be more of a masculine trait than one of an extrovert. Regardless, it is something I have commonly witnessed in myself and others. This is why I constantly (even to the point of aggravation I fear) ask for assistance that really only requires one person, and why I feel somewhat bummed when things don’t turn out the way I hope. This week is a prime example. I’ve been trying to get a desktop computer built, and while I know a couple of people I could have called to help me, I really wanted the help of one particular friend. He could not make it and, naturally, I have proceeded to assemble the computer on my own. This left a feeling (and I hesitate at the strength of these words) of betrayal. Now, to clarify, he never said he could make it, and I do not truly believe that there was any malice hidden in the fact that he was busy. Still, my heart felt hurt. It was silly, and I knew it, and I would never ask him to apologize for something like that. I wouldn’t have even brought it up if I weren’t exploring this portion of who I am and how it relates to those around me.

To offset that example, and to get back to what I am trying to portray is the example of this past weekend when a friend from the church I go to came over to help me clean. I had asked him jokingly, but he said he had “nothing better to do” and so he came over and we spent 4 hours cleaning up around the house. The whole time I was with him there was no sense of unrest or stress on my spirit. All that to say: companionship is important.

I realize that at this point, at least for some of my readers, it may seem like I’m pointing fingers, or writing out of anger. I have tried my best to keep that tone out of this posting because it is entirely against how I feel. I’m not angry at all, but rather exploring not only the idea of extrovert, but myself as well through the use of a social medium known as a blog.

Something else about this sense of companionship, sometimes there doesn’t have to be any action together. In fact, oftentimes I am content with doing my own thing, as long as I am within the vicinity of another human so that interaction can be had if desired. This plays out many times when at home with my wife. I cannot even begin to count how many times during the week we will both be doing something separate from each other, but just being in the same room feels satisfying.

I’m still amazed at how many of my friends are introverts (even my wife is)! I love it though. Sure, there are times I get frustrated with that conflict of interest, but I love having them around me because it forces me to get out of the areas of my life that are natural, and put into practice the parts that are not very natural at all. When everyone wants to be left alone, as this week has largely proven, it forces me to be alone. This is a practice that I do not do well in, and being forced into it allows me to become progressively more comfortable with the silence that being alone induces and the wandering thoughts that go with it. The truth is there are times when I use the good aspects of being an extrovert to stay hidden from my thoughts and examining myself. But, as you can see (I hope) being left to my own devices actually allows me to learn more about myself which is very healthy and essential.

One concluding thought, introverts and extroverts are not really all that different. In the end we are all just humans who happen to have different strengths. Introverts revolve around one half, extroverts the other, and in the middle is where the beautiful unity occurs that is human relationships.

But that’s just my two cents.

Grace and Peace.

Is Work Life, Real Life?

It's been too long since I last updated. So much for keeping posted every week... What am I going to do with myself? I can't seem to do anything consistently.

Moving On...

I've been working through a problem lately, and I feel like it might be good to share with my few readers. This problem can be wrapped up in a simple question: How can we do the same thing over and over again with no variety for 20, 30, or even 40 years? What I am referring to hear is largely career oriented, but I suspect there are other facets of our lives that this could apply to. For now, I will remain on the career aspect of it.

I live in a society that emphasizes a strict adherence to time; a place where punctuality is considered to be a great ethic virtue. Some might even say that to not be punctual is morally wrong. Not only is time a strict measurement, but there is this sense that if you aren’t working 40-80 hours a week (as a student or otherwise) for at least 8 hours a day then you must be a lazy slob who will never get anywhere in life. I will allow that there are exceptions to this rule, and I will also note that I am exaggerating a little bit for effect; but only a little. I just have to wonder, how do people do it their whole lives? How do you get up, work 8 hours, get maybe 4-6 hours with your family, and then it’s back to sleep and again out the door? It feels broken and wrong.

I think there is something to be said about Latin cultures. It is a place where time is very loosely followed, and even work days are filled with an opportunity to rest from time to time. Having travelled to Latin America several times, I came to realize that this loosely based time structure was actually very freeing. Initially, it caused some duress because of how I’ve been raised, but then, as I got used to it, I began to enjoy it and maybe even crave it. “Got a party at 8:00? All right see you at around 8:30.” In fact, in some places, you are not considered late until after a full hour! Their work environment is a little different I’m sure, but not by much. When I had gone down to help build a larger building for a church I found that it wouldn’t be uncommon to take a mid-morning break for coffee (or tea) and maybe some fruit. It’s just the way it was. You started working at about 7 or 8 in the morning, stopped for about a half hour to socialize and snack and then back to work. Repeat this scenario for lunch and mid-afternoon. Yet, as I look back on that trip, I can honestly say I think we got more done in a week, than I see even in construction zones here in the United States. What makes the difference? I think it is a couple of things.

They are not in a hurry

They aren’t. You spend some time with that culture and you realize that though they have dreams, and plans, and goals, they aren’t in any direct hurry to get there. As an old adage goes, “It isn’t the destination, but the journey that’s important.” I believe this is true for these Latin cultures, and should be true of humanity. Sure, strive to get things done quickly if you need to. There is nothing wrong with having a sense of urgency, but I think there is something wrong when we get to the point of stressing out about the little things because it “slows us down”. To this I say, let things happen at their own pace. This is especially true for those who claim the title Christian. How many times are we told in Scriptures to “be anxious for nothing”? Or in sermons, how often are we reminded that we need to, “just let God have control, and you follow”? There is truth in there somewhere.

They take time to rest

Like I mentioned earlier, when I was helping build this church, we had frequent breaks during the day. I think this, in-turn, actually boosted efficiency rather than detracted from it. The more I think about this, the more it makes sense. When you take time to rest throughout the day, you actually allowing your body to recover from the exertion it has been experiencing, thus allowing your stamina to go for longer periods of time. In opposition to this, we have a society that works for 4-5 hours then gets (maybe) an hour lunch, followed by another 4-5 hours. This will tire anyone, and it leads to sloppy mistakes because people have a tendency to want to “hurry up and finish” so that we “might be able to go home early.” Truly, we might need to re-examine our work ethic if this is a consistent “problem”.

Admittedly, this is the area I am having the most trouble with. I just don’t feel like I’m getting the rest I need over a weekend. Part of this is due to the fact that sometimes I need to get a lot done on Saturday, which is my only true “lazy day” in any week, and part of it is due to the fact that I am an avid church goer; though this is out of pure desire to be taught and learn more of scriptures than some obligation because it’s what “any good Christian does”. Suffice to say, I am feeling very tired lately, and this is partly the reason I am writing this post now. The other part, of course, is related to everything else that I’ve been writing.

I think it is important to note that I do not believe that the Latin cultures have work down perfectly, but it certainly is better than what we do here in the US most of the time.

Alas, I’m back at my original question though: How have people done this for past 100 years? How can you get up day after day after day in the slow grind of routine? Is the motivation to provide for my family really that strong? How about my desire for job security (if it even exists)? What about… you fill in the blank.

Unsurprisingly, I don’t find the “just stick it out, it will get easier” answer to be very helpful or consoling. I also don’t really care for the answer of “just find a job you enjoy.” This proves to be an often untrue solution for me. I actually really enjoy my job; it is arguably one of the best jobs I have had in my entire career, and there are very few things I would like to do more. Of course, this all leaves me stuck wondering if this type of lifestyle was what God wanted for us when he created everything.

I don’t have an answer. I just have thoughts, and now I leave space for my readers to share theirs. Let me know what you think, or don’t, it’s up to you. Thanks for taking your time to read what I have to say.

Grace and Peace