Anger: A Problem or Catalyst?

As I write this I can see the gentle falling of the rain outside through the window nearby.  I find myself wishing I was out there rather than in here.  To just sit and soak for a little while lost in my thought with no one around, just me and God.

However, life doesn’t really allow for such flippant displays of emotion at the moment.  I guess I’ll have to add that on my list of why it sometimes sucks to be an adult.

I find myself feeling worn out lately.  In turn I have found it difficult to write much of anything here on this blog, but I always find it a source of catharsis to get my thoughts out and it can also double as a great place to have (or start) conversation so I find myself here once again.

The pastor at the church I attend has been preaching on the “seven deadly sins”, or (more accurately I believe) the seven core sins.  The series has been somewhat fascinating as I have never had a pastor speak on them in such detail and because I have enjoyed his point of view of them.  This past week he spoke of anger and some of the reasons people get angry.  The overarching reason was that anger happens when a goal/expectation is blocked by something/someone, and his example was that of someone being really hungry and seeing a beautiful apple tree with ripe apples that was blocked by a wall that could not be climbed over.

Most simplistic summary ever.

Anyway, he mentioned three sources of anger that are common, but I wanted to touch on one in particular because of my own experiences with it.

Probably one of the biggest reasons I’ve ever seen anyone get angry is because they have been hurt.  Whether it was through a bad relationship with a friend or significant other, or through a terrible experience with parents, etc. people tend to let their hurt play out in their anger.  Consequentially, this is also brought on by unforgiving attitudes as well.  How often do we say something just to be hurtful?

“Remember how you did ‘x’?”  “That was over 10 years ago, and what about ‘x’?”

Back and forth it goes in one vicious circle and nothing gets done except causing more hurt, and it is so easy to let that hurt fester and boil until it becomes a bitterness and resentment that is near impossible to hide.  I find a lot of people I know who are jaded about something have some bitterness toward it.  This also happens to be one of the forms of anger that I struggle with the most because I tend to internalize all of my anger and frustration because I find that exploding on others is more detrimental than helpful, however, if I don’t do anything to resolve my anger internally it will eventually lead to explosive anger so internalizing is just as dangerous.

I find myself under constant watch of myself lately because of this very tendency.  I don’t know if life in general has just been beating me up, or if I am slowly becoming a grouchy old man, but either way it requires constant vigilance to watch the words I speak, how I speak them, and to whom I speak them.  Oftentimes I fail, and the only thing I can do is thank God for his patience with me, stand back up and brush the dust off.

Anger is not inherently evil, or even a bad thing.  Even Jesus got angry (very angry sometimes).  It is all about how we channel that anger.  It can be a powerful tool that stirs us out of our slumber and into action.  And there are times when we should be angry, even outraged.  Sex trafficking makes me incredibly angry (and should do the same for you), slavery makes me angry, racism makes me angry, bullying makes me angry, any form of prejudice or hatred displayed to those who are different or you don’t agree with.  All these things bring a side of me that is not normally visible out.  There is nothing wrong with anger.

My problem (and all of you can probably relate on some level), is that I let me anger get the best of me at times and I end of saying or doing things that I regret later.  Because while I may have meant what I said, I may not have meant it the way it was said (such a fine line).

How do we deal with anger like that?  I know what I do personally, but I know there isn’t any one “right” way to do it.  I’m sure we could all agree that there are wrong ways to handle it, but what about the good ways?  Sometimes, my anger leads me to cleaning up around the house, sometimes it leads to my writing, and other times I just have to seclude myself in my room or somewhere and just listen to some music quietly while I exhaust my anger at the ceiling with my rampaging thoughts.  If I get to that point, I won’t leave my spot until my mind has calmed down sufficiently that I’m not thinking about the event that made me angry.

I find that this become especially true when dealing with others.  Sometimes my anger is justifiable, and sometimes I’m frustrated over the most inane thing.  For instance, when people leave cabinet doors open (anywhere not just at home) I feel a spike of anger.  Doesn’t make a drop of sense to me, but it happens, so I close the door and move on without saying much if anything, but other times something happens and my anger builds and I can immediately pinpoint the reasons why I’m angry and they are good, logical even, and just.  Yet, when dealing with people I have to balance whether or not it is worth the fight that would ensue if I bring up my anger.

Suffice to say most days I keep it to myself (and my wife too sometimes).

How do you deal with anger?  What are some of the reasons you get angry (reasonable or silly)?

Grace and Peace

Relationships with God and Others (Part 3?)

Have you ever mused over a relationship (or multiple relationships) and come to some kind of understanding of God because of it?

That's pretty much what happened to me the other night. My wife and I decided we need to take a break from the chaos that has become our life and after enjoying a pleasant viewing of a movie (Planes if you must know) we wound our way to a restaurant where we spent a while just chatting a little bit about everything. It was just a time to get away from everything and be with each other.

By the way, if you are in a relationship, days like this are essential.

Regardless, we were discussing some our frustrations with different people we knew and the more I talked with her the more I realized that the way I felt is very much how God felt when dealing with the Israelites, or more personally myself.

How many times do we take for granted what is given to us? I live in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and sometimes I neglect to remember that God is the one who put me where I am today.

How often do I, complain about things that in the grand scheme of things mean nothing at all? How often do I completely ignore the blessings that have been bestowed upon me?

All too often.

To make a comparison: We are like a bunch of kids who are upset because we don't get everything we want, even though we get way above what we need.

For instance, I can think of many different people I've met over the years who would complain that their parents/significant other/friends don't care about them because they won't give them what they wanted.

Teenagers think their parents will never understand them and think they are horrible because they got an iPhone 3 instead of an iPhone 5. One friend might think another friend doesn't care because they don't agree on something. A woman may think a man doesn't care because he doesn't meet all the expectations (usually unspoken) she has of him or vice versa.

We are incredibly fickle people, and honestly when I encounter people like that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. When I think about it I quickly find myself seeking forgiveness for doing the same with God.

Just think about it for a moment. The people of Israel are coming to the Tabernacle daily to offer this huge bloody mess that becomes a sacrifice to God who dwells in the Holy of Holies. They have been doing this so consistently that it has become a little trivial, and has lost the specialness that came with it in the beginning. People begin to offer prayers and offerings to God to get things they want. Petty things that have no significance on their lives. And God finally speaks up and essentially says, “Sacrifices aren't important to me, what is important is the heart behind them. I want you fully. I don't want just a part of you that comes to me to 'appease' me. That's not how this works. I expect complete, total, raw authenticity when you come to me.”

And then gain when speaking to the church later in the letter John wrote to the churches. “You're neither hot nor cold.” or You don't heal or refresh, you do nothing because you forgot me and why you are even where you are today. “Since you are neither hot nor cold, I will spew you (essentially vomit you) out of my mouth.”

Ever have lukewarm coffee? You know the way it tastes when you let coffee sit for more than ten minutes (unless you have one of those thermal cups)? Pretty disgusting isn't it?

Or how about a nice cold cup of chocolate milk that has sat out to long now isn't really hot either? So it's not as warm as hot chocolate or as delicious as cold chocolate milk, it's disgustingly warm (unfortunately I've had the displeasure of experiencing that one personally).

The same can be true when it comes to relationships: Parents with kids; friends; husbands and wives. There are times when someone's complaints or ungratefulness can feel a lot like a bad stench that permeates a room, or that disgusting lukewarm flavor that leaves a bad aftertaste and had nothing tasty about it in the first place.

I begin to see what God meant when he said those things. I begin to understand more his love and simultaneous frustration with people. We are so stupid sometimes and sometimes we are so brilliant.

I know we've all heard it a hundred times though.

“America is so blessed, we have so much.”

“Get your head out of your butt and look around you. You aren't suffering that much.”

“Need to get over yourself.”

While true, they are phrases that get a little stale, so it was interesting to experience it on a more personal level.

Just figured I would share my thoughts for a beautiful Friday.

Grace and Peace.

Life, God and the Little Things - Part 1

I've been meaning to do this for a while, but every time I think about sitting down to write things just get in my way.  Or I get distracted (which isn't very hard to do these days).

The past few weeks I've been really working through a lot of different questions.  Many of them centered around my beliefs and the why's behind them.  It has been a very painful, but revealing process and I think I will be the better for it when all is said and done.  There were times when I had questions without answers that indicated a point of view I had not previously considered; and there were times when something else would come up (a discovery here, an off-handed comment there, etc.) that would swing the pendulum back in the opposite direction.

I was on some type of subconscious train ride that felt like at an moment would go off track and end in disaster.

And now there is silence.  Silence in the best possible way.

It is the kind of silence you want when you are alone in the woods, or in your room, or sitting on a random park bench by yourself.  That peaceful, restful silence.  It feels like a weight has been lifted off my heart, and I begin to understand how to breath again.

All of this really started back when a friend of mine decided that he wasn't going to be a Christian anymore.  I guess it was about 10 months ago.

The news was sudden and came without warning.  I felt like I had been punched in the gut, or like I was hit by a train.  And, I didn't know it at the time, but I felt betrayed.  I had great respect for this friend (still do), spent several nights seeking his counsel in college, and always felt a type of connection that I had never felt with any of my previous acquaintances or friends.  His intellect and ability to look at things in an unbiased way was inspiring.  And, perhaps, because of these things, I had elevated him in my mind.  It only makes sense for it to hurt.

It was awkward to talk to him.  I felt like I had lost a part of myself when he chose to be an atheist.  However, we are still friends, thankfully.   While I disagree with more than I have in the past I respect his ability to make the decisions he made because I know it was not an easy journey for him.

It still isn't I suppose.

Regardless, that singular event sent me careening down a path I did not expect to take.  I did not even realize I was on this path until much later.

My path began with just trying to understand the why.  Whenever something happens, specifically significant things that affect me negatively, that is the first question that comes to my mind.  Why?

I explored this question with my friend, with my wife, and even when I was by myself.  Just short of screaming the question at the dead walls.  I never got an answer that satisfied that question.  It burned in me and spurred me onward.

I became a recluse to this friend.  I didn't want to lose his friendship, but I was having a hard time emotionally coping with it all.  So our conversations were short and shallow.  Truthfully, sometimes, they still are but the progress of healing is there and I'm sure one day I'll be able to talk to him once again like I used to.

In the background to all the mental and spiritual exploration there were a lot of things working their way into my physical life.  In October I had lost my job.  The first real job that I had ever truly enjoyed.  And with that job loss, went any progress I had made to getting all of my bills taken care of (including student loans which had been kicking my butt for almost 2 years at this point).  So, I feel like it was safe to say that I felt like I got kicked in the gut again.

It was just one thing after another.

Yet, I was happy for the most part.  I had an adoring wife, friends, and a great and supportive family.

At the same time, however, there was this underlying implication to "man-up" or "get over it".  Never spoken directly, just hovered implicitly at every encounter.

I felt like I was at war, mostly with myself, and I was losing.  By the end of the year I felt trapped and beaten.  I had slumped into a kind of depression that I am just now realizing I had.

More thoughts to come.  

Grace and Peace

 

Social Gaming

I often find myself in a place that acts as a sort of limbo.  If I were to talk about video games to people who are a generation ahead of me there is often a disconnect and misunderstanding of why I like video games at all and the value I find in them.  On the other side of that coin, if I talk to someone in a generation after mine there is a lack of value on things that I find important to have in a game, though they do understand, at the very least, the why games are so awesome to experience.

One facet of this is the construct of social gaming.  As a guy who was born in the late 80s, I have had the joy of being part of the first generation that really grew up with video games as being a viable and very real aspect to people's lives.  The idea of an in home console before the NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) was largely unheard of or unsuccessful until it comes trumpeting onto the scene and proves that it can be done and done well.  People everywhere will recognize the original 8-bit Mario that we have come to know as a classic.  However, it did not end there.  In the past 10 years alone, video game and console (I'm going to include PC Games in this) technology has grown and improved exponentially, and as such has improved the venue for the art forms that can be found in any video game; and it is still growing!  I remember when the Nintendo 64 was released.  Everyone spoke of how the 3D graphics were the best and how realistic everything looked.  Today, the 64 looks just as clunky as the 8-bit did at the time.  With the release of systems like the PS3, Xbox 360, and even the Wii U, graphics have taken a turn for the better and have changed the gaming community as we know it.

Along with this increase of console games, the internet and its many uses continued to grow.  It was during these years of growth that someone came up with the brilliant idea to create a game that had the joys of immersing yourself in a world other than your own and do so with other people.  Thus, the Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) was born.  I won't pretend to say that I know when the first one was released, but I do know that, for me personally, the first well known MMO was Final Fantasy XI.

Up until my experiences with FFXI, my video game world consisted of playing games solo or with a few friends when they visited.  I can still remember how I felt as I finally sat down to play FFXI for the first time.  The idea that any one person I was talking with in the game could be next door or across the world excited me and proved to be a very interesting experience.  My paradigm of community and where games fit was shifted permanently.  Of course, the reader may not recognize or remember FFXI very well so lets move on to the next MMO that I became involved with for a while that you will recognize.

World of Warcraft (WoW) is by far the most well and widely known MMO even know after many years of existence.  It's been around long enough to have four expansions released as of late last year and rumors of at least two more being released in the future.  If you are having trouble understanding how much time that is, each of the four expansions were released within the past seven or eight years.  WoW is easily the most popular and longest living MMO.  (Yes, I do understand that there are other MMOs out there that have been around for a while, but many don't even have servers up any more.  If they do, there have not been any updates to the coding or story in a very long time.)

From WoW, a slew of MMOs were birthed ranging from everything medieval to futuristic and everything in between.  While many of them do have their own flare, I have yet to find one that does not have inspiration drawn from WoW (but why spin the wheel for something new when what we have works so well?).  Some are free, some are subscription based, and many are some concoction of both.

Here is the point, with the growth of games like WoW, our ability to socialize has increased a hundredfold.  Right now, I have been playing a couple of MMOs and have been introduced and regularly interact with people I would never have met otherwise.  The intrinsic value of this should be obvious.  However, for the sake of being thorough, I would like to point to social networking via Facebook.  Even business do everything they can to get involved with websites that are popular among the masses because they realize that the more they get involved in the social networks they will grow their business.  On the more personal level, it is a chance to stay up to date on friends who may not live as close as they once did and maintain a relationship over distance that in the past would have been difficult (I'm not saying long distance relationships are not difficult, they are just significantly easier to maintain in comparison to the past).  MMOs provide another form of social networking.  Not only do you get a chance to enjoy the artistic expression of the people who created the world you are exploring (From the NPCs, to the monsters you are fighting, to the very landscape you travel across), but you also benefit from meeting other people.  In many ways, it is as if you are making a virtual "you" to interact in a world that may be even larger than our own at times.  How cool is that?

Truly, to think that games are a waste of time is to think that people are a waste of time and I cannot support that type of thinking.  The people who grow up with my kids are going to be even more heavily involved with games like this than even now.  Just think of how many games there are that you can play with someone online (even with PS3 and Xbox 360 games).  I can think of very few in the past five years that do not have some type of online multiplayer aspect to it.  How much more so will this develop as the years progress?  I must say that, honestly, I looked forward to these advancements with excitement and some hesitation.

I don't really think exploring the hesitations would be worthwhile at this point in this post, but I do think that with any growth of social games and networking we need to find a way to balance it so that there is plenty of physical, face to face, interaction as well.

Regardless, Social gaming (in any form, not just MMOs) are really quite a bit of fun and I love the social aspect of them.

If you have not tried an MMO, or would like to know of other ones out there, here are a few that I have tried and enjoyed, or have heard good reviews of and are all free to play.

Lord of the Rings Online
Star Wars: The Old Republic 
Star Trek Online
Champions Online
Fiesta Online
PWI: Sirens of War

There are still several more I could post, but I think this is sufficient.

Apologies for the long wait for this post (it's only been 5 months!), and thanks for your visit to the page!

Grace and Peace

We Were Wrong

I begin this post with hesitation and a little bit of trepidation.  It's easy to be passionate about something that a lot of people can get behind, but it is hard to confront people when you feel that they are in the wrong.  That being said, I want everyone to know that this is not written out of ignorance, hatred, etc.  I fight for Truth, and I feel that it was overlooked yesterday.  Let's begin.

I am appalled.  The more I think about it.  The more I research both sides opinions.  Chik-fil-a day should never have happened.

The fact of the matter is, this was never about freedom of speech.
This was never about toys.
This was never about faith.

When the first outcry happened after Dan Cathy spoke his opinion openly, it was about a group of people who have already been victims of inequality in so much more than just marriage.  It was about the fact that Chik-fil-a has funded millions of dollars to organizations that view homosexuality like this:

 

Criminalize, cure, and deport homosexuals.  I'm offended that anyone would be OK with this.  This individual isn't the only one who says it either, check out another individual's blog post.

I'm posting these links because I want it to be shown that I'm not just making this up.  People are really hurt right now.  People that we, as Christians, have been called to love.  

This isn't about Chik-fil-a.  

This isn't about one man's opinion.

This is about something bigger.

Whether right or wrong, the LGBT community is greatly offended by the actions of a franchise because they felt that those actions have further encouraged the outright hatred that has been shown to them over these many years.  Don't believe me?  Check out these statistics on just bullying in schools!

What was the Christians response?

"Support family values!  Buy a chicken sandwich!"

I can't help but scoff at this!  Family values?  I don't know about my readers, but to me a real family value would be standing up for people who are unjustly persecuted.

Same Sex Kiss Day came about as a response to Chik-fil-a day.  In the end, I feel that it was the Christians then who made the first move.  We started the war.  We caused more unnecessary bloodshed (metaphorically speaking).  And we will suffer the consequences.

Because now when LGBT community sees pictures like this:

 

and this:

What they are seeing, feeling, and interpreting is this:

and I can't support that.

Because for me this shouldn't be about who is right and who is wrong.
This should be about showing love and support even when you don't agree.

Because in the end, the only thing we did by having a "Chik-fil-a" day was look and sound like this:

And I know, no one wants that.

If you do, I am deeply deeply concerned.

Grace and Peace.

Introverted Extrovert

I have not been getting much rest lately. I don’t know if it is because I’m always busy, or because I’m not getting the refreshing interaction I need from God and others.

A friend of mine posted recently that an introvert gets their rest from being left alone. To use his words: “…To the extrovert, this would be infuriating and make them feel run down. To the introvert, it's like heaven after a hard week…” I don’t think he could have nailed that truth any better. What I find interesting about this is the fact that the vast majority of my friends and acquaintances end up being introverted. I on the other hand, am probably one of the most extroverted people I know at the moment. It just got me thinking, what really gives me rest?

I think that it is safe to say that everyone, not just those who are introverted, need to have those times when they are left alone for a few hours just to be. That being said, I also know that as an extravert there are times when being alone is actually more stressful than restful. I think in a lot of cases extraverts get just as much energy if not more, from being around people, than they do being by themselves. It’s tricky though because there is a limit to how much that is true.

For instance, I could be ridiculously tired after working all day at my job, but the moment a friend comes over to hang out I am immediately awake and aware (for the most part). However, if I go to a family gathering I am typically one of the first to be drained and ready to leave. I think the key difference here is actually a preference to crowds vs. individuals. I can’t truly invest into a crowd. Too many people, too much energy required, and not near enough time. I think that is why I get tired; I’m an extrovert who needs to be able to invest in the relationships he is developing.

Another thing that I specifically need, and I think many extroverted people need, is a sense of camaraderie when performing tasks. This, however, might actually be more of a masculine trait than one of an extrovert. Regardless, it is something I have commonly witnessed in myself and others. This is why I constantly (even to the point of aggravation I fear) ask for assistance that really only requires one person, and why I feel somewhat bummed when things don’t turn out the way I hope. This week is a prime example. I’ve been trying to get a desktop computer built, and while I know a couple of people I could have called to help me, I really wanted the help of one particular friend. He could not make it and, naturally, I have proceeded to assemble the computer on my own. This left a feeling (and I hesitate at the strength of these words) of betrayal. Now, to clarify, he never said he could make it, and I do not truly believe that there was any malice hidden in the fact that he was busy. Still, my heart felt hurt. It was silly, and I knew it, and I would never ask him to apologize for something like that. I wouldn’t have even brought it up if I weren’t exploring this portion of who I am and how it relates to those around me.

To offset that example, and to get back to what I am trying to portray is the example of this past weekend when a friend from the church I go to came over to help me clean. I had asked him jokingly, but he said he had “nothing better to do” and so he came over and we spent 4 hours cleaning up around the house. The whole time I was with him there was no sense of unrest or stress on my spirit. All that to say: companionship is important.

I realize that at this point, at least for some of my readers, it may seem like I’m pointing fingers, or writing out of anger. I have tried my best to keep that tone out of this posting because it is entirely against how I feel. I’m not angry at all, but rather exploring not only the idea of extrovert, but myself as well through the use of a social medium known as a blog.

Something else about this sense of companionship, sometimes there doesn’t have to be any action together. In fact, oftentimes I am content with doing my own thing, as long as I am within the vicinity of another human so that interaction can be had if desired. This plays out many times when at home with my wife. I cannot even begin to count how many times during the week we will both be doing something separate from each other, but just being in the same room feels satisfying.

I’m still amazed at how many of my friends are introverts (even my wife is)! I love it though. Sure, there are times I get frustrated with that conflict of interest, but I love having them around me because it forces me to get out of the areas of my life that are natural, and put into practice the parts that are not very natural at all. When everyone wants to be left alone, as this week has largely proven, it forces me to be alone. This is a practice that I do not do well in, and being forced into it allows me to become progressively more comfortable with the silence that being alone induces and the wandering thoughts that go with it. The truth is there are times when I use the good aspects of being an extrovert to stay hidden from my thoughts and examining myself. But, as you can see (I hope) being left to my own devices actually allows me to learn more about myself which is very healthy and essential.

One concluding thought, introverts and extroverts are not really all that different. In the end we are all just humans who happen to have different strengths. Introverts revolve around one half, extroverts the other, and in the middle is where the beautiful unity occurs that is human relationships.

But that’s just my two cents.

Grace and Peace.

This week has been invigorating. I don't think there really is any other word for it.

For the past three days I've been able to delve into some deeper conversations with friends than I have been able to do in months. Tuesday a friend and I discussed an idea concerning a historical Jesus, which had started because of a misunderstanding of what he had said a week or so prior. While neither of us agreed with the idea, it led to some good conversation.

Every Wednesday, my brother and I meet around lunch time for about an hour as "blood with blood working through life". This past Wednesday was full of questions from myself and from him that we were able to go back and forth on, and I believe it lead to some answers even though all we got out of it was more questions.

And then, yesterday, I got to spend an hour with a friend I haven't seen in several months. We spent some time catching up but we ended up having some good discussion time as well, which is something I've always tended to do with him, so while it was expected it was still awesome and I was sad to leave it so soon (stupid parking meter!).

So, this week has been a week of energizing my spirit, and perhaps even some healing.

I sometimes forget how important connection through conversation is to the human soul. To explore philosophy, theology, science, etc., just for the sake of exploring it. No agenda and no plans, but enjoying the discovery and the sheer adventure of just letting your mind wander.
In other words, at least for me, Intellectual stimulation is just as important as being shown affection. It's a part of what makes me tick.

Starting two new books this week: The King Jesus Gospel by Scot McKnight, and Daring by Paul Louis Cole. One was given to me as a gift, the other was encouraged for the purposes of discussion with others. From what little I've read of both, I think I can learn quite a bit from these books. I suppose reading books like this is another way to intellectual stimulation, but nothing really beats talking with people.

I'm trying to consistent post more often. I'm hoping that more than not these posts will spurn on getting our minds thinking.

Other times though, like this post, it will probably just be small updates on how my book is going, or how I'm processing through some things. Since most if not all of my readers are people I don't talk to as often as I'd like or family, then this side of posting won't necessarily be a bad thing. It's just not my preference.

That being said, I'll leave with this question.

What is Intellectual Stimulation in regards to how you operate?

Grace and Peace

Thoughts on a Challenge

I know it’s been a while since I posted, but I haven’t really had a whole lot of time. Here is a much belated Happy New Year wish.

Now, down to the reason I am posting.

I have a constantly growing list of books I want to read. Some have been impromptu, some have been suggested, and some have been directly given to me. The book that I am currently working on in that list is called Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge.

I have found this book to be very challenging. While the tone he sets in this book has a “conservative” feel to it, he doesn’t really touch on any of the “conservative” beliefs. In fact, most of the book isn’t based on any traditional doctrine at all. Really, it is quite fascinating.

The basic premise of the book is discovering/re-discovering who Jesus really was. His personality is so skewed by what he calls “religious fog” and it is time we get back to how Scripture shows him to be: playful, fiercely intentional, most human of all, extravagantly generous, disruptively honest, scandalously free, cunning, humble, true, and beautiful. Seriously, no matter where you are in your relationship with God, I would suggest this read if you haven’t read it already.

I’m not quite done with the book, but like I said before, it has proven to be challenging. The challenge I want to touch on right now would be this concept of “Forgiving God”. If you are like me, the first thought you just had is, “God doesn’t need our forgiveness.” No, he doesn’t. However, I’m sure that there are many of us who need to forgive him. I think everyone has something that they are mad at God about, something they resent him for, are angry about, and even blame him for. In order to truly reconcile ourselves to God, the author proposes (and I agree with him), we need to forgive him of those things we blame him for. While God has never wronged us, we often feel wronged by God anyway.

“If God really loved me, he would take away my school debt.”

“If God really loved me, he wouldn’t have let my grandfather die from cancer.”

“If God really loved me, he wouldn’t have let me grow up in an environment where I felt worthless.”

“If God really loved people, then his followers wouldn’t be the most hateful to those who are different.”

Pain, brokenness, shame, anger; every one of us has a story. I haven’t discovered what I need to forgive God for yet, but I don’t have a doubt in my mind that if I look far enough inward I’ll probably find a few things. Maybe I’ll find a lot of things.

What are some things you blame God for?

Is it something minor? Is it a deep wound?

What does it mean to forgive God?

What is keeping you from forgiving him?

Interestingly, Jesus has always been very personal and intimate with his disciples or anyone else who has approached him.

In reverence we will pray to our “Almighty and Everlasting Father” which isn’t wrong, but Jesus came to us and said, “Abba, Father”. In today’s terms, “Papa, Dad”

Can you imagine going to church and hearing someone say, “Papa, we want you to come be with us.”

Suddenly, God has gone from some distant, uncaring being to whom we pay tribute, to someone who is intimately close and intensely aware of you everything you are.

I think sometimes our idea of reverence and respect for God get in the way of our hearts being open to what he really wants to do in our lives. We close ourselves off with jargon, lofty ideas, and good intentions. I have no doubt in my mind that when we use these reverent terms many of us have every intention of showing God respect, but it limits him.

Think about Peter, a disciple who loved Jesus so intensely and so passionately. When Jesus made a move to wash his feet, Peter protested out of reverence to Jesus. Immediately, Jesus told Peter, “that is not the way this works.” Jesus never wanted to be held back from doing what he needs and wants to do in our lives.

I think I have started rambling, so I’m going to stop this post here.

Still, I hope this has provided some provoking thoughts. I hope it sits uncomfortably with you. I hope you find it as challenging as I have.

Grace and Peace.