Let's Start a Riot!

So, I don't really know why I feel the need to write something down but I just do. So I guess I will ramble on until I feel like I have written enough. Haha, that is pathetic isn't it?

Well, I had a friend visit this past week. Her name is Joy, and she is an amazing friend. I have missed her, and being able to visit with her a little has been a nice change of pace. Alas, now she is gone and it will be another few months before I see her again, assuming she is able to come back to TFC at all. I mean, they are increasing the amount of money needed to pay tuition. *le sigh*

I've decided that I find it near impossible to hate someone. That use to not be true. I used to be a very VERY hateful person. The same way Josiah can be at times now, is how I used to be. However, lately (only by God's love and grace) I cannot seem to be able to hate anyone. Mind you, I'm not complaining... it is just a new feeling that I'm not used to yet. I have heard people tell me over and over again over the past few months of how they hate this, that, or so-n-so, and all I can think of is how they shouldn't hate anyone at all. It frustrates me, and I hate that thinking, but I don't hate the people who think it. I love them... there is no other way to say it, but I love them. Altruism... haha, I haven't talked about that in a while. I wonder if I had just been through a long spell of silence from God and now He's hitting me up again. You know kind of like, "I know you want to help, but take a break for a while." and now it is "Hey, I have an assignment for you!" I find it very amusing that God works with me in such a way.
I've also discovered that God has given me the spiritual gift of prophecy. I find this intensely fascinating since I've been seeking this gift off and on for a few years (even before my camp experience with a prophecy being spoken over me). I had not been sure of this gift being given until recently when someone prayed over my gift of prophecy and their asking God to expound on it and expand it in such a way that glorified Him (btw, I didn't tell this person that I thought I had received the gift). So that was amazing. During this same prayer, this person also prayed over me to receive the gift of tongues. So if I receive that, which I think I will considering that God was the one who asked me to have prayer over me about, then many more changes will be coming my way. Changes that will be terrifying at first, but then by the time things come around again they will be amazing and I am looking forward to these changes. After all, God is STILL developing my gift of discerning spirits... It's a gift, a great gift, but at times it can be a troublesome thing to have.
Let me try to explain. I love having this gift, and I still need to learn how to discern the spiritual things I feel, and trust me, I feel things ALL THE TIME. There haven't been many days where I don't feel something. Whether it is peace, or turmoil from someone I always feel something. The days I don't feel "something" is because of someone making their emotions a "void" and so I feel the emptiness instead of the intensity. Now the reason that this can be troublesome is that I don't always know what the it is I'm feeling. Sometimes (well, many times) I feel this ominous presence and I have no idea what it could represent. I ask God and many times He remains silent. It isn't until after things have cleared up that I realize what it was. So it is still a gift under heavy development, and add that to prophecy and tongues and wow do I have a full schedule ahead of me. I know that God has some big plans for me, and I am excited about it, but at the same time I'm a little scared. Not, scared... I guess anxious is a better word. Trembling with excitement and having butterflies for trying something new. It's like getting on a rollercoaster for the first time you know? Or learning to love a woman you barely know as a friend... and then realizing that before you know it you are considering marrying that girl after three years. Man time flies...

Yeah, have I never mentioned that? I am planning on talking to my girlfriend's dad this summer and asking for her hand in marriage. I know I don't have a ring yet, but that is just one of the many steps that need to be taken.

There was a theme either last year, or the year before, for Poplar Point Camp (it's the camp I go to every summer) and the theme was "catalyst". I really am beginning to like that idea more and more as I see the changes that God is making in my life and others. I see a change brewing in Toccoa and it will be a change for the better. As I have said before..."Here am I Lord, do what you will." I know that is going to get me in trouble, but I DON'T CARE!!

Gee willikers, do you think this post is long enough? Haha, I guess I need to call it quits for now. I got out a lot of thoughts and well, you poor people have to read all the way through it. I will be nice to my readers and end here. Thanks for reading through it all btw, that is impressive, and lets me know I'm loved. KTHXBYE!!

"Let's start a riot, a riot,
Let's start a riot!!"
- Three Days Grace

Christian Broadway?

So I have had this melody slash song slash something that is musical running through my head lately. And the interesting thing is, I can totally see this being acted out. It is really cool. Most of the words are interchangeable, but the melody has been the same. So I am just going to write out some of it hear and you guys can tell me what you think. The song is a Duet/sing-song dialogue between two people so here it is. We'll call one Friend in Pain (or FiP) and the other Holding on Friend (or HoF) So here is the dialogue between FiP and HoF.

(Setting, How could I forget? It is basically FiP has been going through a hard time, and has come to the point where he totally rejects the fact that God is a loving God, if He even exists. And HoF is his friend trying to talk sense into him and encourage him, and let FiP know that he will stand by him despite all the pain and rejection he [FiP] has faced.)

FiP:
Leave me! How can you say you understand?
You have no idea what I've been through!
People have stabbed me in the back
With a thousand knives
Yet you say that you are with me?

HoF:
My friend, just tell me what the problem is...
I've stood by you through all this pain,
How can I not understand what you go through?

FiP:
I've been hurt, I give up!
How can our God be so brutal?

HoF:
How can you say He's brutal,
When all He does is show you love?

FiP:
If he has been showing me love,
What is his hatred like?
I've been standing here
Waiting for his unhelping hand.

HoF:
My Friend, You know as well as I do
His helping hand is always there
Reaching out to you...

(Chorus [maybe])
HoF:
God is an awesome God
He created me and you
He raised us above our enemies
And with Him we'll make it through...
We'll make it through.

(Verse 2?)
FiP:
How can you say that He's loving,
When all I feel is pain?
There is no hope, there is no joy
There is only suffering!

HoF:
How can you say that there's no joy?
How can you say there is no hope?
The very fact that I'm standing here,
Should be enough to prove that.

FiP:
It proves nothing to me!
It proves NOTHING to me...

HoF:
Am I not your friend?
Have I ever steered you wrong?
Would I be standing here
If I did not care for you?

(Chorus [again maybe])
'Cause God is an awesome God
He created me and you.
He'll stan with you through all this pain
And one day... One day... you...will..see

His love for you has never failed.
He merely wants you to see Him.
His faith in you never ceases
And He wants to see you through this pain.

(Chorus [thrice maybe])
FiP and HoF together:
'Cause God is an awesome God
He created me and you
He gave us life, to live His word
So that others may see
The blessings of our lives
And draw closer to Him

FiP:
God is an Awesome God
We should never forget His truths.

HoF:
Now you see, it's our destiny

FiP and HoF:
To live like Jesus lived...


So that's kinda it for now. It's been playing through my head a lot, and I realize it probably does flow very comprehensively but, eh, I wrote it so that it might leave my mind. Haha, it's a cool melody and all, but after the 15 hundredth time it gets a little annoying.

So tell me what you think... Yay, nay, maybe say "what?" I don't know.... I'm getting goofy wit this post. Later Taters!

Thank You - Sanctus Real

There are new horizons with colors that I've never seen
The sky is filled with graces, since you have carried me
I felt so far beyond your reach, but you gave everything for me
I was lost but you rescued my life

Why in the world did you come after me?
Thank you
Words aren't enough, but for now I can say
Thank you

There is hope rising 'cause you have strength I've never seen
And your eyes are shining, 'cause you shed tears for me
I was miles from dry land, but you gave everything you had
I can't understand a love of this kind

I could find other lines that you haven't heard spoken over and over again
I've tried every way, but I keep landing on that simple phrase
So I'll keep singing, "thank you"

Birthday Blues

OK so that title might be a tad misleading so you will just have to deal with it. *sticks tongue out*

So the bad thing of today is:
- People everywhere are asploding for something dumb or justified, but shouldn't be an issue to begin with.
- I feel like I could do nothing right today. I was told how to sing, how to this or that, how to exist basically. I definitely feel very "happy" most of the day, how frustrating.
- I have felt completely useless because of the previous point.

The good thing of today is:
- It is my birthday (or was technically since it is 12:21am of the 24th, and blog likes to start the day then).
- I have awesome parents who call and leave encouraging messages on my phone.
- I have awesome friends who reminded me that I don't COMPLETELY fail at life.
- A small party was thrown, and by small I mean there were brownies (yumminess) and ice cream and three/four friends. But that is better than nothing!
- A surprise visit from a friend of mine... a REALLY GOOD friend, and my heart leaped. It was awesome.
- GOD RULEZ!!!1

So all in all the day was terrible, but also awesome. I like but don't like days like that. Haha, there were a lot of "like"s in that sentence. Moving on...

So to all those who are having a horrible. I pray for you, and I empathize. Have a good day tomorrow. Now... I must go do music theory homework and try to make up for a quiz tomorrow. *sigh* I don't like having birthdays in busy weeks ah well... tis life in all its glory. Gotta take the bad with the good.

No Witty Title Today...

So... the D&D game this week was pretty much a flop. Two people showed up (aside from the DMs) It was kinda sad, but at the same time I am a little glad we didn't have a meeting this week. It has been good to sit around and do nothing, especially with the week I and many others have had recently. School is tough, and sometimes annoying. C'est la vie...

On another note... I am currently playing Fable: The Lost Chapters. It is fun, and I like how the character development works, although there are a few things about the game that could probably have been fine without, but all in all I think it is an excellent game and it has been fun playing through it again. Hmmm... I can't think of much to say right now.

I am looking forward to the end of this year just because I would like a little bit of a change in the daily routine of getting up, go to school, do homework, go to choir/work, go to bed. It is a little tiresome. I want to "be the idiot on stage" again, and work with kids at camp, I want to visit Chile and spend time with my lady, and ask for her hand in marriage. I want to be around my family and my friends... BUT I don't want to leave the friends I have made here, and well... I guess that is it really.

I've decided to take up a task of creating something in the Windows Movie Maker. I know it isn't that great, but I would like to try to learn how to make/edit movies and be fun with it. It could come in use later in life, and I figured "when better to learn than now?" So I am thinking of taking random parts of random videos that I have and putting it to a song. I don't know which one yet so we'll see soon enough.

Anyways, that is it for now I suppose. Tootles!

ZZZzzzz...

I'm exhausted. Today has been a long day, and I have felt horrible. To begin I would like to apologize to those who may have been offended by my cursing. I was very frustrated, and though that isn't an excuse, I would like to say it was a little justified... anyway...

Today was the Elijah performance, and I think it went awesome despite my coughing fits I had every 5-10 minutes *sigh* I hate it when this happens.

No one I know as good friends showed up, except one, and I am very thankful she showed up. It meant a lot. I understand some can't make it for this and that, but still it would have been awesome if the person I consider my best friend on this campus could turn his face away from his girlfriend for a few hours and actually act like my friend when I need him to. Usually he is good about it, but there are times when I feel like I don't ever see him anymore, and the few times I do see him he is with his girlfriend or playing a game. I hate not having a social life.

Well only one more day of classes and a day of singing to go I can't wait to be done.
Then this Monday will be my birthday... woo!! Is it bad that I'm too tired to care?

BTW Rachel... you ARE NOT allowed to discuss this with the people I am speaking of. I am going to address it sometime, so please wait until then. Kthx.

That's all for now. I'm tired and I still have a two page paper to right for my Student Ministry that is due tomorrow. kbye.

Sick and Tired

I don't know what to do. I have been feeling like shit these past two days, and I honestly have no idea why. I have a theory here and there, but no definite answer. I want to cry. Seriously... I want to find a hole to crawl into and hide and cry until I no longer have any tears, and possibly cry a little past that. I feel depressed I guess, but there are so many things going on that I'm not really surprised.

I'm sick of getting walked on. I don't have the strength to keep getting up after that happens. I stand with my arm extended and I feel that all that ever happens is my hand being slapped away followed by a thrust of a sword into my gut. Straight through my armor and into my soul where it bleeds for weeks on end. I can only thank God for His grace on a people such as I. I don't have the strength to extend my hand. I feel like that picture Stephen drew (the one with the girl laying on the ground all bloodied up and there are two sets of footprints).

I'm sick of all the masks people wear. I suppose I have to say that I have caught myself wearing a few, but I quickly have gotten rid of them. I don't care if you had a shitty day, just don't pretend that all is well when you are falling into pieces on the inside. "Everything is fine La-ti-da-ti-da!" BULL SHIT!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO CARRY THIS BURDEN ALONE!! How hard is that to comprehend? Why do people assume that if something is going on that they need to fight it by themselves. No wonder this world is going to hell, no one is willing to offer their hand in help or to take the help that is offered. RAGE!!

I'm sick of all this drama that goes on at TFC. People need to mind their own business. If you want to know something, then ask the person it concerns, don't ask your friend who doesn't have a clue and therefore makes up something to satisfy your need. You don't have to know everything. It is not like this knowledge is going to change your life. So unless you are honestly concerned and just CAN'T live without knowing, then ask the person you're concerned for. *sigh* moving on...

I'm sick of people being so damn judgmental of others just because of a rumor they heard, or if they disagree with the theology that people like to throw in a box. Sorry, not every Christian will meet that flawed box that so many people immediately compare Christians too. I'm tired of the menacing looks to my friends, I'm tired of the arrogance that people have concerning their personal opinions. It is fine to have an opinion and to stand by it, but be tolerant, and flexible and actually consider others' opinions.

I'm sick of many thins, but people are people and I love people. Despite my need to destroy many things right now, it isn't an anger towards people (I know it looks/sounds/appears that way), but it is toward the actions of people. The bad self-esteem, the lies they listen to both by Satan and other people, the inability to accept a helping hand. I get so tired of our flaws, and I can't help but thank God for his grace to us. If He had created us to be robots we would all be dead right now. I honestly believe God loves us BECAUSE we have the choice, and we have to keep making the choice until we choose to believe the truth concerning it. Just like a parent would have to do for a son who is making bad decisions. The parent can go on and on about the decision being bad, but until the son decides to believe the truth of the parents word then nothing will change. You can't just chain him up that would get nothing done, so they continue to let him make the decisions. You get what I'm saying.

I think I've been talking too much as it is in this post so I'm done.