Has Feminism Lost It's Touch?

It's been a while since I've posted on this blog.  I've mostly been trying to post consistently on my wordpress page for those interested in stories, video games, and storytelling in games.  But I do not want to abandon this blog just for that one.  It's more of a content management deal.  That blog is more about expressing ideas that I find interesting and that might help others while this one is my own musings about anything in general.

Today's Topic?  Feminism.


I can already feel the icy stares that come with even mentioning the word, but it has been so in my face lately that I felt a need to put my own two cents into the already large festering pot of opinions concerning feminism and what it should look like.

Now before I begin, let me start with my understanding of the word.

Feminism: the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

 By that definition anyone who holds to this doctrine can be considered a feminist.  So, please believe me when I say I am all for women being treated equal to men in their value and their rights.

I completely agree that women should be able to get a job and expect to get paid the same amount a man would make in that same position.  I completely agree that women are overly sexualized and it needs to stop.  I agree, 100%.

But.

It feels like there have been a lot of "movements" lately that aren't really about the equality and more about gaining attention, and it is such a fine line.  It's the ever constant pendulum effect that plagues humanity.  One thing is too much so we swing back to the other extreme and I feel like feminism as it is has the potential to become that extreme opposing view.

One particular facet of the feminists I have run into is this odd double standard.  They expect to be treated equally, but there is an expectation of special treatment as well.  On the one hand, these individuals want to be able to have all the same rights as men ("I'll open my own door thank you") but when men do treat them equally there are complaints about it.  It definitely sends out mixed signals.

I came across this movement recently where some of the more extreme feminists were encouraging all women to get rid of their "sexy underwear" and wear what have been termed "granny panties" for years because women should be able to wear the latter and still be seen as attractive or at the very least should not be judged on the underwear they choose to don on their bodies.

I get it.  Men and women are both people, and a woman's worth should not be based on how she dresses.

I get it.  Women have been ushered into this narrow path of what is acceptable to society and we need to break those restraints.

However, when women who don't follow a movement like that because they actually like the way the "sexy underwear" makes them feel are accused of not really being feminists, it seems a bit extreme.

Perhaps, I am showing my ignorance in all of this rambling, but it just seems to me that there has got to be a better way to break down these social barriers without leaving such a negative feeling behind.  Wouldn't it be better to fight about things a little more important than underwear choice?

If you don't believe me that feminism is turning into a bully, take a look at this website.  Hundreds of women have contributed to this website it's pretty eye opening: http://womenagainstfeminism.com/

All of them support equality, they just don't support what feminism is becoming.

Just a few thoughts.

Grace and Peace.

Faith in Relationships and God, Part 2

I suppose this is where the fun begins.

God isn’t like the rest of us.  Jesus wasn’t a guy who just didn’t get it.  If anything, he showed that he understood us so much better than we understood ourselves.  He proved that he loved the people he was with even though he knew their past, he knew their shame, and he certainly knew their hearts.

There is no deceiving God, no way to hide, no way to hurt; he always knows where you are, how you feel, and how to take care of you.

He is the only being in the whole of existence who sees you for who you really are, all the vulnerabilities, all the hurts, all the past mistakes, all the good, all the dreams, the hopes, the desires.  He sees it all and loves it.  More specifically, he loves you.

He. Loves. You.

Whether you reject him or embrace him, he will always be just a breath away.  He will not hurt you, and you cannot disappoint him.  There is nothing you can do to make him go away.

But he doesn’t invade your life either.  He allows you to make your own decisions and waits patiently for you.  He is basically exactly what we are all looking for and need in a relationship.

Might seem too good to be true, but keep in mind I mentioned what we needed in a relationship and not what we wanted.  They are incredibly different things.  And oftentimes confused for each other.

But think about it.  One of the greatest needs humanity has it to feel love and acceptance, and to have a sense of belonging.  It makes them feel safe, and it makes them feel important.  I think in our core, we all have a deep need to be significant.

And we are significant.  We are worthy of being loved.

To use an “overused” verse from John 3

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.”

The point is, you are loved.

But what does that have to do with Faith in God?

Well, to really have faith in someone you have to trust them.  I personally find it impossible to truly trust someone without knowing they actually care about me and my well-being.  So, I felt that it was important to establish that God does actually care.

This is where it gets tricky.

See, I have found over the years that for me to trust others, I need to be trustworthy myself.  I need to exhibit the qualities that I desire to see in other people (within reason).  If I want my wife to prove she is trustworthy I must also be willing to put forth the effort in doing the same.  It is just the natural course of relationships from my own experience.

My relationship with God isn’t really any different.   There is still ebb and flow, give and take, and a need to show trust and be trusted.

This gets incredibly difficult when things don’t always go the way we expect.  Admittedly, there are days when I have felt that God betrayed me or hurt me on purpose, but I have to remember that despite how I feel, the reality is that God doesn’t do anything without purpose, without reason.  I, in my finite mind, cannot always understand the movements of an infinite being.

That doesn’t really make it easy.  If anything it makes it more difficult.  But I find that if I can shut down my pride for a few minutes then maybe I will begin to see that, as Solomon put it, “There is a season for everything.”  Sometimes we have to wait; sometimes we have to weather a storm; sometimes we have to make it through the tougher parts of life to get a little stronger so we can go a little further; and sometimes things are gravy.

Just like a relationship with another person.

I feel like, ultimately, having faith in another person, and having faith in God when it comes to relationships is really no different.

Furthermore, I would argue that they are actually intimately intertwined.

My relationship with God actually does affect my relationship with my wife and with others.  If I am being adamant in speaking with God, meditating on who he is, what he has done for me, and what he has to say both in scripture and in my own personal time with him then I find that my relationships with other improve immensely from it.

But when I neglect to do those things my relationships with others stagnate, I tend to be more irritable than usual and poor attitudes slowly creep into my core.

And I don’t want that.

I don’t want that at all.

Grace and Peace.

p.s.  Dear friend,  I hope this has helped you even a little bit.  If you want to discuss this more in person you are more than welcome to come find me.  You know where I live.  :)

Faith in Relationships and God, Part 1

I was asked by a friend to write out my thoughts on faith and how it plays out in relationships and with God.  I’ve been mulling over it for about a week now, and I’m still not entirely sure I’ve gotten all my thoughts straightened out but I thought now might be a good time to start the writing process and see where the journey takes us.  Without further ado:

I guess the first thing that needs to be addressed what the definition of the word faith since it will be the basis for the rest of the post.  There are few different points under the faith definition but I am going to just use the two points that I think are reflected at the heart of the question:

Faith [feyth]

1.       Confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.

2.       Belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

That is what we are really talking about here when we talk about faith in relationships:  A showing of trust and confidence in the face of uncertainty or lack of proof.

I think I want to start with faith in relationships.  I feel that perhaps this will be the easier of the two to address and I want to make sure my thoughts have worked themselves out a little more before I talk about faith in God.

Throughout life every human experiences a series of relationships.  Every encounter with another human or any living creature develops a form of relationship.  Whether it is an acquaintanceship with a co-worker, an affection for a pet, or love for a significant other, we are all in some form of relationship.  Each of these relationships tell a little bit about who we are as people.  How we react to different personalities, what we reveal to others at differing levels of intimacy, and how we handle conflict (perhaps the most revealing of all).  Every relationship requires some semblance of trust that the person you are interacting with is not some psychopath who is going to slit your throat when you aren’t looking (although we all know there are other ways to be much more hurtful).  The more intimate you get with another, the more faith or trust is required until eventually you get to the point where you are completely vulnerable to the other person.

When you reach that point there is no turning back.

And it is scary.

And dangerous.

But it is also freeing.

I can’t even begin to mention the times when I have been so thankful that I can really and truly be myself around my wife.  It is such a blessing to be in such a relationship with her that I can come home and not feel the need to “wear my armor” so to speak, and she has said the same to me on a number of occasions.  It is a beautiful thing to be a part of.  But being in such a relationship has the potential for some of the deepest wounds.  One small word, one phrase, one little thing is all it takes and that trust gets completely destroyed.

Many times when things like that happen, it isn’t even meant.  It is just something that was said or done in the heat of the moment.  And it happens too many times to too many people.

And sometimes those people never trust again.  They never open up because their heart is too damaged, too wounded, and they are too scared.  And that fear keeps them from opening up again which is what really needs to happen if they are ever going to heal.

The problem, of course, is that we are all people.  There is not a single perfect being out there.  Not a single individual who will take all of who you are and at some point not hurt you.  It is in our nature.  I deeply love my wife, and I know she trusts me to take care of her both emotionally and physically.  She trusts me to not use the secrets that she has kept to herself until she shared them with me against her.  She trusts me to keep those same secrets to myself.  She trusts me to respect her wishes, and she certainly trusts me to have fidelity in our relationship with each other.

And I trust her to do the same. 

It’s taken four years to get to that point, and it has been a painful process at times because despite our trust in each other, we don’t always pull through like we should. 

Because people are broken.

But we have to keep removing callouses that develop around our hearts or we will get to the point where we don’t love each other any longer.  And I don’t mean that in the sense of the emotional experience of love.  I mean the commitment and choice to love.  The act of putting the other before self, of showing patience and kindness, of getting angry at the injustice of how someone treated the other, or keeping complaints to yourself because the only reason you’re aggravated is because it is inconvenient to you.

It is a two way street, and it requires balance and finesse.

That’s why so many people will spend a lifetime toughing out the imbalance until they find it.

That’s why so many people give up on something so beautiful, because they don’t realize they can actually work through it if they wanted to.  They just don’t want to because it hurts in the now.

But we are worth so much more than this.

Grace and Peace.  Part 2 coming up Wed.

Plight of a Man

I have been working through a lot of stuff lately.  As if my mind has decided that this week was the optimum time to make me question everything again.  What is the purpose of life?  The point of my life?  What does it mean to live?  What does it mean to die?  What comes after death?  What about all the in between stuff, is any of it really worth it?

These thoughts keep me up at night.  These thoughts haunt me throughout the day like a cloud shadows a mountain before the storm ravages its surface.

These things do not depress me.  If anything, the emotions I feel in association with the thoughts that flood my mind are confusion, maybe even frustration.  Perhaps even rage.  An anger so deep that it cools the veins rather than ignites the fire that is passion.

Maybe that is what it is.  I am mad.

I am mad that so much injustice still exists in this world.

I am mad that I feel so helpless.

I am mad that I don't have the answers to the questions people ask every day.  Both the explicit and the implicit.

I am mad that I do not feel about things the way people say I should.

I am mad that I cannot seem to change myself no how much I try.

I am just mad.

Yet, I don't feel mad.  

I don't feel much of anything at all lately.

Sure there are the emotions I experience, the senses that are caressed by wind and light, song and dance, like the gentle touch of a lover's whisper.  I am conscious of them, notice their touch but still feel disconnected in some way.  Disconnected even from my own inhibitions.

I get tired of the need for social courtesies.  Why can't we just say what we mean?  I guess I'm mad about that too.

Hypocrisy, false accusations, debates, "he said, she said", does it ever end?

Of course, the way I'm writing this you would think that something horrible is going on in my life.  Quite the contrary, I couldn't ask for a better time!  I have nothing to complain about and still my mind races.  Still it follows these paths that lead to only God knows where and I'm just pulled along for the ride.

Honestly, I'm not even sure why my mind goes through these cycles.  I always come back to the same conclusions.  I look at the same evidence, the same topics, the same everything as everyone else; yet, my conclusions never shift.  They may expand, but they don't change.

Maybe my anger is just a mask of my fear.  

They say people have either a fight or flight instinct.  I think I'm beginning to see that mine is a fight.  Not only will I fight but I will put everything I am into that fight until only one thing remains.  That thing becomes the victor standing upon the pile of its fallen prey.

I realized the other day that I have no response to Atheism.  None.  I've researched it, I talk with them, and I hear other people's answers, but none of it sits well.  None of it seems quite right.  I'm watching people I love go down a path I feel is the wrong one, that my sense scream against and restrict me from pursuing them.  And I have no response to that?

I feel a little like a child waiting at the end of a long dark hallway.  Afraid to step into the darkness, I desperately hope and even beg that the friend I was following will come back out safe.

I can feel the shift taking place inside of me and I cannot decide if the outcome will be good or bad.  For better or worse though, I do not think I will come out unscathed.  Maybe it is time to walk through the darkness for a while.  How can one who lives in the light understand the darkness if he never experiences it?  After all God created both the Light and the Dark and uses both for his purposes.  Maybe it's time to see the dark side of the moon.

With excitement I end this post.  I feel as if I'm about to embark on a much needed voyage.  Who knows?  Maybe like Caspian I will encounter adventures that forged my heart through trials and storms into the man I need to be.

After all, no good story lacks obstacles to overcome, sacrifices to be made, and battles to be won.  And I think, this is one battle I can avoid no longer.

No more standing idly by, the warrior takes up his sword and shield and turns to face his enemy.  Who's next he wonders.

Grace and Peace.

[EDIT: Two things.  I realize that this post probably makes little to no sense to anyone.  To that my response is: It's late at night and I'm half awake.  Clarification may come later (given my track record though....)

secondly, this is not me saying I don't believe in God or that I'm pursuing Atheism (as I'm sure my post might have insinuated).  I am merely using the term darkness as a metaphor for something that is beyond my understanding at this time.  Mystery, change, the unknown in general.  

As always, if you have any questions feel free to comment or speak with me directly.]  

We Were Wrong

I begin this post with hesitation and a little bit of trepidation.  It's easy to be passionate about something that a lot of people can get behind, but it is hard to confront people when you feel that they are in the wrong.  That being said, I want everyone to know that this is not written out of ignorance, hatred, etc.  I fight for Truth, and I feel that it was overlooked yesterday.  Let's begin.

I am appalled.  The more I think about it.  The more I research both sides opinions.  Chik-fil-a day should never have happened.

The fact of the matter is, this was never about freedom of speech.
This was never about toys.
This was never about faith.

When the first outcry happened after Dan Cathy spoke his opinion openly, it was about a group of people who have already been victims of inequality in so much more than just marriage.  It was about the fact that Chik-fil-a has funded millions of dollars to organizations that view homosexuality like this:

 

Criminalize, cure, and deport homosexuals.  I'm offended that anyone would be OK with this.  This individual isn't the only one who says it either, check out another individual's blog post.

I'm posting these links because I want it to be shown that I'm not just making this up.  People are really hurt right now.  People that we, as Christians, have been called to love.  

This isn't about Chik-fil-a.  

This isn't about one man's opinion.

This is about something bigger.

Whether right or wrong, the LGBT community is greatly offended by the actions of a franchise because they felt that those actions have further encouraged the outright hatred that has been shown to them over these many years.  Don't believe me?  Check out these statistics on just bullying in schools!

What was the Christians response?

"Support family values!  Buy a chicken sandwich!"

I can't help but scoff at this!  Family values?  I don't know about my readers, but to me a real family value would be standing up for people who are unjustly persecuted.

Same Sex Kiss Day came about as a response to Chik-fil-a day.  In the end, I feel that it was the Christians then who made the first move.  We started the war.  We caused more unnecessary bloodshed (metaphorically speaking).  And we will suffer the consequences.

Because now when LGBT community sees pictures like this:

 

and this:

What they are seeing, feeling, and interpreting is this:

and I can't support that.

Because for me this shouldn't be about who is right and who is wrong.
This should be about showing love and support even when you don't agree.

Because in the end, the only thing we did by having a "Chik-fil-a" day was look and sound like this:

And I know, no one wants that.

If you do, I am deeply deeply concerned.

Grace and Peace.

Christians at War

It has been a few weeks since I posted something and I apologize to those who like to actually follow my thoughts.  I've been pretty busy lately with VBS and the like and honestly I just haven't taken the time to sit down and right.  That's mostly true for my book as well.

I am writing now, however, to express a few thoughts I have been having the past couple of days.  I think I will give this an overarching theme of "Christian Wars".

Christians are constantly seen as being brutal, unkind, unloving, and intolerant of those around us.  I cite Atheists and Homosexuals as being some of the most hated by our "factions" of Christianity.  But, this is not how we should live!  If anything we should be the ones people run to when they need help, not away from because of it!  But everyone has heard that sermon before, no need to repeat it.

I have been engaging (and I say that loosely, I've really mostly been observing) in a very fascinating conversation with a couple of atheists and a good friend of mine via Facebook (which goes to show that it is, in fact, not all bad).  While I don't agree with a lot of what they say, they are very level headed and are not outwardly aggressive to people who, like myself, have taken on the mantle of Christianity (and all it represents, both good and bad) and are willing to discuss.  Discuss, not argue or shove verses at them, just... talk.  In the past two days I have learned more about the complexity of Atheism than I have ever learned in church.

This concerns me for two reasons:
1. Christians are fighting a false enemy.
2. Christians, at large, seem unwilling to educate themselves on true complexity of other religions.

I understand, not all Christians are like this, so please allow me to use it as a generalization and perhaps as recognition of how others most likely see Christianity and those who follow its stipulations.

Christians are fighting a false enemy

Be it Atheism, Homosexuality, or any other aspect of peoples lives that Christians don't agree with, we are constantly seen as fighting against it.  You'll hear on the radio how Christians have boycotted movies (The Golden Compass), or how we should all buy a chicken sandwich in support of a company who happens to be a representation of so much more than one man's opinion, and especially of the church that "hates fags", Westboro Baptist Church (*shiver*).

Christians are at war and I think to some degree we should be.  We are also, however, at war with the wrong enemy.  The enemy isn't the people who are homosexual (they certainly don't need "curing", even I find that word oppressive and offensive on so many levels) and it's certainly not the people who are Atheists.  The enemy isn't people at all.  People are just trying to make it through life like they always have; by following their hearts.  Shouldn't following their hearts lead them to the truth?  Absolutely, but how much of the truth is my question?  Is not our perception of skewed by our reality and our experiences?  Right now, people are casualties of our wars with an increasing rise in numbers.  This is unacceptable.  What's worse is that the fighting isn't limited to just those outside the Church, the body is constantly trying to maim and underhand itself.  No wonder we don't know who or what the real target is!

In all my years of being a Christian, there is one thing that has always stuck out more than anything else.  There is this instruction to yearn for Truth.  To walk and grow -in- Truth.  To love Truth.  If God is Love in it's purest form, God must also be Truth in its purest form.  Truth, did not fight against people, it fought against the lies they had come to accept.  Truth, represented through Christ, turned a world upside down on its head, without shedding a single drop of blood except its own.  Yet, here we are waving our swords back and forth with no direction, skill, or discipline; cutting all who stand in our way.  We are not warriors of light, we are embodiments of the very devils we hate.  This must stop.

Stop fighting for the legislature that controls our country and start fighting for people's hearts.  Stop fighting others opinions and start fighting for truth.  Stop fighting the people who have the courage to come to us for help, and start fighting the thing that is chasing them.  Christians were called to be the hands and feet of God and from where I stand it is a rare thing to find a church who does this.

Christians are unwilling to educate themselves

This is a bit of a sensitive topic I know.  I hesitate even to put the wording as I have, but I think it best represents a very large portion of Christianity, especially within the American culture.  You see, the interesting about fighting a war is that you not only need to know who your enemy is, you also need to know how your enemy is.  How do they fight, what are their weaknesses, what are their strengths, etc.  If we must be at war as Christians, lets make sure we know what we are up against so that when we strike it is with a clean swift stroke and not a bloody mess.

What does this mean?  It means we need to start educating our congregation correctly inside the churches.  It means we need to speak with those people we don't agree with (Muslims, Atheists, Buddhists, etc.) and learn more about them; "sneak into their camp and spy" so to speak.  Find out what is false in their religion, find out what is true. I believe everyone has discovered some truth in their life, so working from those truths is always best.

I realize that I may be coming across in a way that I don't mean to.  The analogy of war alone is a tough one to create and understand without some type of backlash to the one making the analogy.  Still I write this all because I feel like there is a war going on right now, culturally and spiritually.  If we must be at war, let us be at war with the right enemy and for the right reasons.

That concludes my little bit of thought for today.

Grace and Peace.