Plight of a Man

I have been working through a lot of stuff lately.  As if my mind has decided that this week was the optimum time to make me question everything again.  What is the purpose of life?  The point of my life?  What does it mean to live?  What does it mean to die?  What comes after death?  What about all the in between stuff, is any of it really worth it?

These thoughts keep me up at night.  These thoughts haunt me throughout the day like a cloud shadows a mountain before the storm ravages its surface.

These things do not depress me.  If anything, the emotions I feel in association with the thoughts that flood my mind are confusion, maybe even frustration.  Perhaps even rage.  An anger so deep that it cools the veins rather than ignites the fire that is passion.

Maybe that is what it is.  I am mad.

I am mad that so much injustice still exists in this world.

I am mad that I feel so helpless.

I am mad that I don't have the answers to the questions people ask every day.  Both the explicit and the implicit.

I am mad that I do not feel about things the way people say I should.

I am mad that I cannot seem to change myself no how much I try.

I am just mad.

Yet, I don't feel mad.  

I don't feel much of anything at all lately.

Sure there are the emotions I experience, the senses that are caressed by wind and light, song and dance, like the gentle touch of a lover's whisper.  I am conscious of them, notice their touch but still feel disconnected in some way.  Disconnected even from my own inhibitions.

I get tired of the need for social courtesies.  Why can't we just say what we mean?  I guess I'm mad about that too.

Hypocrisy, false accusations, debates, "he said, she said", does it ever end?

Of course, the way I'm writing this you would think that something horrible is going on in my life.  Quite the contrary, I couldn't ask for a better time!  I have nothing to complain about and still my mind races.  Still it follows these paths that lead to only God knows where and I'm just pulled along for the ride.

Honestly, I'm not even sure why my mind goes through these cycles.  I always come back to the same conclusions.  I look at the same evidence, the same topics, the same everything as everyone else; yet, my conclusions never shift.  They may expand, but they don't change.

Maybe my anger is just a mask of my fear.  

They say people have either a fight or flight instinct.  I think I'm beginning to see that mine is a fight.  Not only will I fight but I will put everything I am into that fight until only one thing remains.  That thing becomes the victor standing upon the pile of its fallen prey.

I realized the other day that I have no response to Atheism.  None.  I've researched it, I talk with them, and I hear other people's answers, but none of it sits well.  None of it seems quite right.  I'm watching people I love go down a path I feel is the wrong one, that my sense scream against and restrict me from pursuing them.  And I have no response to that?

I feel a little like a child waiting at the end of a long dark hallway.  Afraid to step into the darkness, I desperately hope and even beg that the friend I was following will come back out safe.

I can feel the shift taking place inside of me and I cannot decide if the outcome will be good or bad.  For better or worse though, I do not think I will come out unscathed.  Maybe it is time to walk through the darkness for a while.  How can one who lives in the light understand the darkness if he never experiences it?  After all God created both the Light and the Dark and uses both for his purposes.  Maybe it's time to see the dark side of the moon.

With excitement I end this post.  I feel as if I'm about to embark on a much needed voyage.  Who knows?  Maybe like Caspian I will encounter adventures that forged my heart through trials and storms into the man I need to be.

After all, no good story lacks obstacles to overcome, sacrifices to be made, and battles to be won.  And I think, this is one battle I can avoid no longer.

No more standing idly by, the warrior takes up his sword and shield and turns to face his enemy.  Who's next he wonders.

Grace and Peace.

[EDIT: Two things.  I realize that this post probably makes little to no sense to anyone.  To that my response is: It's late at night and I'm half awake.  Clarification may come later (given my track record though....)

secondly, this is not me saying I don't believe in God or that I'm pursuing Atheism (as I'm sure my post might have insinuated).  I am merely using the term darkness as a metaphor for something that is beyond my understanding at this time.  Mystery, change, the unknown in general.  

As always, if you have any questions feel free to comment or speak with me directly.]  

We Were Wrong

I begin this post with hesitation and a little bit of trepidation.  It's easy to be passionate about something that a lot of people can get behind, but it is hard to confront people when you feel that they are in the wrong.  That being said, I want everyone to know that this is not written out of ignorance, hatred, etc.  I fight for Truth, and I feel that it was overlooked yesterday.  Let's begin.

I am appalled.  The more I think about it.  The more I research both sides opinions.  Chik-fil-a day should never have happened.

The fact of the matter is, this was never about freedom of speech.
This was never about toys.
This was never about faith.

When the first outcry happened after Dan Cathy spoke his opinion openly, it was about a group of people who have already been victims of inequality in so much more than just marriage.  It was about the fact that Chik-fil-a has funded millions of dollars to organizations that view homosexuality like this:

 

Criminalize, cure, and deport homosexuals.  I'm offended that anyone would be OK with this.  This individual isn't the only one who says it either, check out another individual's blog post.

I'm posting these links because I want it to be shown that I'm not just making this up.  People are really hurt right now.  People that we, as Christians, have been called to love.  

This isn't about Chik-fil-a.  

This isn't about one man's opinion.

This is about something bigger.

Whether right or wrong, the LGBT community is greatly offended by the actions of a franchise because they felt that those actions have further encouraged the outright hatred that has been shown to them over these many years.  Don't believe me?  Check out these statistics on just bullying in schools!

What was the Christians response?

"Support family values!  Buy a chicken sandwich!"

I can't help but scoff at this!  Family values?  I don't know about my readers, but to me a real family value would be standing up for people who are unjustly persecuted.

Same Sex Kiss Day came about as a response to Chik-fil-a day.  In the end, I feel that it was the Christians then who made the first move.  We started the war.  We caused more unnecessary bloodshed (metaphorically speaking).  And we will suffer the consequences.

Because now when LGBT community sees pictures like this:

 

and this:

What they are seeing, feeling, and interpreting is this:

and I can't support that.

Because for me this shouldn't be about who is right and who is wrong.
This should be about showing love and support even when you don't agree.

Because in the end, the only thing we did by having a "Chik-fil-a" day was look and sound like this:

And I know, no one wants that.

If you do, I am deeply deeply concerned.

Grace and Peace.

Value of the Game

Something that I have been encountering a lot recently, more than ever before, is this question of the value of video games. This appraisal of value comes across in many forms: is it a legitimate form of art? Does it incur violent feelings? Is it good for the mind? Etc. I am a little amazed at the sheer volume of questions and varying opinions that are produced by this topic, and to that end I want to add in my two cents (and I want to be consistent at these posts), by attempting to procure my own view on at least two of these questions; the artistic and mentally stimulating value of video games. I dare not touch on the behavioral values of video games as I believe that the idea is mostly absurd and boils down to, in my opinion, parental disciplines and not the games themselves (as is true for any form of art).

Artistic Value

I wanted to touch on this one first as I feel it is the most passionate topic of the two for me. The short answer opinion is that I believe video games are completely and totally valuable as art.

Art is by definition meant to express something. According to dictionary.com art is defined as:

The quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

If nothing else, video games have certainly become aesthetically pleasing. However, graphics are not the only thing that contributes to the art value of video games. I would even go so far to say that the most significant aspect is the principle of engagement. Every work of art has to engage the target (I say target because art can be heard and felt as much as it can be seen) in some way. More traditional art such as paintings engage the appreciation for beauty and engages the mind. When the person is looking at the painting, sculpture, etc. one thing that is commonly asked is: What was the artist trying to say? We ask this because we know that art, in any form is an expression.

What about music? There is no denial that music is beautiful and often thought provoking. Studies have been conducted that show how music affects us as a society, and it is surprising some of the results you’ll find. Music is completely an engaging form of art; to feel and understand the emotion behind any musical expression one must be engaged.

Story, either written or cinematic is also beautiful. How many times have you read a particular aspect of a story and thought, “Wow, I love how that turned out!”? Or how about when watching a movie and a particular nice angle occurs? Can you honestly say that you were not impressed by some cinematography? Same is true for still shots. Stories are engaging too in a very obvious way; they draw you into the world they are creating and make you a part of it, if only for a time.

So, what about video games? I think that video games are the epitome of these other venue of arts. Video games are often full of stunning and beautiful landscapes, incredibly interesting characters in a dynamic story, portrayed in perfect cinematography, and accompanied by astounding soundtracks. Are they engaging? I think that point argues itself. The very mechanics of a game demand that the player be able to engage and interact with the environment of the game. Then if you get into some of the mental stimulation that many games present through use of puzzles and dungeons and it is hard to argue that these works of art are not engaging or expressive.

Back to my short answer: should video games be considered art? To us a phrase my wife would say, “Most indubitably!”

Mental Value

I believe I have already touched on this a little bit in the discussion of the artistic value. Like I said, many games are very puzzle oriented and require the player to use problem solving skills to complete these puzzles. Some prime examples of larger games that require puzzle solving would be The Adventures of Zack and Wiki, Prince of Persia, Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy just to name a few. Some others of course are more recognizable like Bejeweled and Solitaire. I guess what I’m getting at is that video games can be educational and good for any person’s mind even if the story is fantasy or otherwise. Even Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto (which I don’t really care for) require quite of bit of strategy from time to time as the challenges become progressively tougher to overcome. I’ve even played games that have taught me how to solve a few math problems that I had no clue even existed before I played the game!

A prime example is in a game called Knights of the Old Republic. It is a Star Wars game that allows you to travel and explore these different worlds in the Star Wars universe as a Jedi Knight. The story of the game is great, but the example actually has to do with a side quest. On the desert planet of Tatooine, there is an individual who has been trapped by his hunting droids due to his scorned wife. To save the man you have to deactivate the droids by figuring out the mathematical solutions to different algorithms. As simple as it sounds, some of these questions are not easy, and I’m pretty sure I only succeeded it by guessing correctly on at least 2 of the 4 or 5 droids that were there. That example is not singular to my own personal experience in any way either.

You could probably search for these things on Google. I know I am not the only one who believes that video games stimulate your mind. In fact, I read an article recently that stated that senior citizens who played video games tended to be more lucid than those who did not. This is evidenced even in my own life as my wife’s grandmother was a sharp woman up until the day she died, and this is largely in part due to the time she spent playing Bejeweled.

I think another important value that video games have is this ability to relieve stress. I place this under mental because many times our stress is started by, continued through, or relieved through mental activity.

What I mean by this relief is that, just like a good book, or listening to your favorite cd, or even watching a movie, a video game allows the player to –escape if you will permit the term –from the stresses of the day for a little bit and allow some time to rest. I believe that rest is essential to human existence, and I know very few people who might argue otherwise. Every form of art I have encountered can aid in resting from time to time, and I see why video games should be any different. This is why I say that video games have value.

I could even go into the “Evangelism” aspect of video games, but let’s be honest. No one plays games to get preached at, they play to relax; and, in all honesty, that should be a separate post if I really wanted to pursue that topic (which I don’t, at least, right now).

Grace and Peace