My girlfriend visited for a week here at my house, which was awesome, and now she's back at home, and safe, which is also awesome. What can I say? I love her, I know I do. With every inch of my being, I love her. It's not for her looks, though she is an attractive woman. It isn't for her personality, though it compliments mine in a way that no one else has ever been able to do as far back as my memory will allow, and it isn't because she's a Christian, though it is definitely a part of the standards that I have when searching for my wife. It is her heart, her beautiful, precious heart. It is so sensitive to her friends, she can empathize with little effort; It reflects the strength of her character; it protects; it cares; it loves; it searches; it supports; it serves; it is strong, and most importantly, it is constantly seeking Truth. And that is where I am at... and the more I see myself, the more I see that my wife needs to have a heart like that. I would be stoked if God made her my wife, and as much as I would love to move to that stage there are still somethings that I need to improve on in my personal disciplines, and I need God's "OK".
This wouldn't be a decision that will only affect my thought process, nor is it temporary, this would change my life completely. I think it's important for the one who owns my life to have a say in the matter.
There are many things that I think are great about marriage (besides the obvious physical intimacy):
- There is the requirement, and necessity to be altruistic to one's spouse. If you know me, you know that I'm all about altruism. To love others unconditionally without want of return. Love is such a part of my life I have the kanji for the word on my right leg near my ankle.
- There is a connection that can only be had through marriage. An intimacy that goes way beyond the physical. It's emotional, it's mental, and superbly spiritual in nature. I love being connected to my creator, but there is this desire within me that says I long for a intimate connection with another human being. Marriage is a venue for this.
- There is this profound desire I have to protect, nourish, support, defend, and lead a family. To create a legacy of my own that shouts the work of God in my life. To have my grandchildren reflect on my life and be encouraged to further their relationship with God because of the life I lead. Like my grandfather did.
- I'm on an adventure, and I need a companion to explore this adventure with me.
Reality is, God knows what He is doing, and that's all I can hope for. My life is not my own, and I have to stop trying to take it back. Everything comes with His timing, and all is for the good of the Kingdom and for His heirs.
Well it's summer now, and I have this entire summer to really reflect on what God is saying to me. I had gotten away from speaking with Him on a regular basis, and well... it was time to get back in contact with an old friend... and not just a friend, a best friend... no, a father, but even more than that, a spouse. He is my husband after all, or if you want to get technical, we are in the engagement "era" so I guess that would make Jesus my fiance.
Funny how that works out, isn't it? Everything in the Bible points to a marriage relationship with God. From the commandments given to the Israelites ("Will you obey all that I command of you?" "We [i] do") to the "x rated book" Song of Solomon to the New Covenant between man and God in Christ's sacrifice, to the New Heavens and New Earth. It ALL reflects a marriage relationship. So how honoring is it to have the privilege of being a living, breathing, tangible, and for some palpable representation of what our relationship should look like?
Everyone knows that they should have an intimate relationship with Christ, but so many people don't know what that looks like. And even though I know what that looks like for me, I could never say "here's how to do it" because it's a relationship not a religion. There is no formula, and each person is different.
Grace and Peace,