Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Train Wreck

I can't say I understand how I've been feeling lately. There are a number of things it could be I suppose, but as far as knowing what event triggered the feeling, or what perception created the response, I have nothing to go on.

Perhaps, I am just under spiritual attack. Perhaps, I am seen as a threat to my enemy and they do not want me to do what I am supposed to do. Perhaps, my pride has snuck up on me, and as such I haven't been keeping it in check. Perhaps, my body decided to attack itself emotionally leaving me in the cross-fire. Whatever the reason be, I am thoroughly confused on why it has occured.

Did I lose my armor? Did I take it off subconsciously? Is it too small? Is it time for new armor? Or is this all in my head, and I just need to find the core of the problem within myself? Like feeling that people do not have confidence in me when it comes to "leading worship". Maybe, it is both. It is entirely possible that I am simaltaneously getting attacked and leaving myself open to that attack because of something going on inside me.

Yesterday, I played the piano, and did not feel better. For the first time in a long time I played music and it did not help, in fact, it made it worse. And what's more, and I know this is ridiculous, but I felt like some people just did not have the time for me, like I was not important enough for them. Now... I know that this was not the truth; my heart knew it, and my mind knew it, but still something within me said otherwise. It was stupid, and irrational, and I'm still confused on why I thought it. People are busy, this always happen during this time of the semester. Big projects are due, school gets the better of most, and there are all those extra curricular stuff to go with it. So like I said, stupid and irrational.

I need to stop angsting. Don't know what's gotten into me. I have class, and nothing else to say at the moment because I've lost my train of thought.

Grace and Peace

Friday, November 7, 2008

Is The World Really Doomed?

It seems to me that everyone has their opinion on the election, and even though everyone is entitled to their opinion, it seems that many of them are a little over-the-top exaggerated to an extreme. Of course, I am also speaking from the perspective of a man who lives in Toccoa Falls, GA, where most everyone is a large McCain advocate and think that the world is going to end now that Obama is president. However, the world is still here, and it's going to be here after we are gone.

So, here's my view.

I think that both candidates had/have very positive attributes, as well as negative attributes. Both politicians had stances that can be morally agreed with, and both had some that could not be tolerated. I think that the candidate that we as the nation of the U.S.A. have made a good choice. I think that Obama will attempt to do the things he said he would. Many of which are positive. But he is human, and he is not perfect, and as such we as Christians, cannot expect him to have perfect moral standards. Christians themselves do not have such a thing, but we try.

Barak Obama is not a muslim, and for the record he is a mix between black and white. I think that sometimes Christians have a tendency to panic about the negative side of things (such as movies like the Golden Compass, and Obama's position on abortion, etc.) that we lose sight of the positives that surround that negative. We panic over the trivial rather looking at the larger picture. Don't misunderstand me, Obama's positions on some things are not trivial issues, but in comparison to the bigger picture it is really small. The world will change not by our attacks against legality issues, the world will change one heart at a time.

When we love people regardless of what they believe, regardless of what lifestyle they choose, then their hearts will begin to see the difference between "us" (believers) and "them" (non-believers). And as the "us" and "them" becomes the "us" the world will begin to change in a more positive way. Although this track is not an easy one, it is one worth pursuing.

Of course, so many times have we heard this message "preached"/shared/voiced, so the real question is, will we take it to heart? Or will we ignore the truth? *shrugs* The choice is up to each individual.

Grace and Peace

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

What A Bloody Mess

Life provides interesting twists. Never have I felt so close and yet so distant to a situation. I know it's good to step back and look at the bigger picture, but when did so much adversity arise. Although, much of it is self-induced, because I worry way too much.

No, I will not reascend my decision. I have full confidence in this, not only in the God I serve (who guide my every way), but also in my ability to hear Him. So I'm left with the problem of how can I share my heart in this way, to show what I see, and to see what He sees, and to show it to those around me?

The great thing about God, is that He does not affect your free will, and that He will allow you to make decisions and follow whichever path you choose, with His blessings following you (though depending on the path, the blessings may vary). The really frustrating thing about God, is that He does not affect your free will, and that He will allow you to make decisions and follow whichever path you choose.

So this path I chose... will I lose blessings? Yes. Will I gain others? Yep. Will I embark on a path that was much harder than the previous one? Absolutely. Do I trust God enough to reveal to me where I am messing up and to stop me when necessary? Yes. Is He trying to stop me in this? From what I can see, He's encouraging me further. So what then creates the haze, and the hesitation? Adversity.

I value my friends opinions, I trust them to tell me what's going on and to share it in a way that does not equal death. However, I realize that they can be wrong, and sometimes (perhaps) God reveals only part of the whole so that they can create adversity. Because it is in adversity that I become confident in my decisions. It is in adversity that my trust and faith in God gets tested, and He pulls me through. It is in adversity that I grow and become strong. And life just does not stay interesting without a little risk, and a little adversity.

Thus, I will continue on, and I will press through, and I will trust Him to teach me and correct me, and encourage, and refine me. Because He is good, and if I did not trust Him, then there really is no one I can trust.