Monday, January 26, 2009
I have been feeling pretty down lately. Not depressed, or exceedingly sad, but just kind of down and out.
I feel like there is nothing I can do to progress in this world at the moment.
It's like when a Mighty Ducks hockey puck flies past the goal and into the back of the net. I'm losing. Reality has hit me in the face, and things are crashing down upon me, and the worst of it all is the fact that I feel like there is nothing I can do to remedy it.
I want to get married this summer, and I honestly believe that God wants me to go to London in the upcoming winter break (December/January 2009), however I also believe that God wants me to get married in the summer, especially when thinking of how I operate and how waiting any longer than the end of this year would be a torture to my soul, and unhealthy.
I know that God is in control, and in the end He is the only one that will make the difference, but to put it in the terms of our speaker this morning "I'm in trouble" and I need help.
God, protect me in this time of weakness. Reveal your strength.
Grace and Peace
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The last time I posted it was 2008, and now it is 2009. I feel kinda old.
I got to spend some time with my family over Christmas break, but not as much as I would have liked. I spent the majority of the week I was at home working; which, even though I liked having money by the end of the week, I really hated that I did not get more time with friends and family. I spent another two weeks with Sammi's family which was a lot of fun, but it was really chaotic and there were a ton of people. I like people, but I also like my quiet time, which did not really exist the second week there. However I cannot complain, and I am glad I was able to spend some time with her family.
Now, I am back at TFC for a winterum course: Western Thought & Culture, or more commonly known, Wasted Thought and Torture.
I honestly don't find it to be torture or wasted thought, but I do understand how it could have gotten its title. It feels a lot like TFC's attempt to indoctrinate and brainwash its students into following the same beliefs that it holds; that thought horrifies me. Have Christians fallen so low that we have to coerce and deceive those around us to get them to “believe in Christ”? Is it absolutely necessary that we must accuse those that do not share our beliefs as heretics? Heaven forbid we attempt to find our own way through scripture and life, and come up with our own beliefs about God. Maybe I'm wrong, but if God is Truth, then wouldn't those who are honestly seeking Him come to the same conclusions as those who have grown up in the church and been indoctrinated by those around them? Do not get me wrong, I think that we can learn from others and that God uses that to teach us, but I also think that sometimes we overreact to someone possibly struggling through thoughts that are different from our own (collectively).
I've been thinking about how often Christian's take God's name in vain. I know that might sound a bit abrasive, but if you really think about it you will find that it is true. For one, and perhaps the most obvious place to see it is in our prayers. How often do you hear someone pray and say God's name three or four times every sentence. “God we would just like to Father ask you to bless us Father God, and protect us God from temptation.” Is it just me, or do prayers like that feel like we are replacing “um” with “God”? Has his name lost so much reverence in our mind that we use it as we use “um”? Just to give you an idea of how bad this is to me, I have a communication professor who calls words like “um” word vomit, because it has absolutely no relevance nor purpose in a speech. So, with that thought, saying God that much in a sentence is turning His name into “word vomit”, and that is unacceptable.
And what about music? This is something I really struggle with sometimes. If I listen, play, or even write, “Christian” music, without the proper attitude, am I being irreverent to God? I listen to music aimed to worship often, but when I listen to it, am I worshiping? If I am not, then I might as well be listening to something else, because I would not want to offend God with my disrespect any more than I already have.
These are just thoughts running through my head; I am not claiming, or accusing anything. Although, the brainwash thing really does disturb me. I am not a drone, despite what schools might think.
Grace and Peace.
“Yesterday is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery
And Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.”