Monday, April 28, 2008

#100 - Dominated Thoughts

Despite my best efforts, it seems that I cannot get my grandfather's recent death out of my mind. It's not that I'm depressed, but I can't help but reflect on the man I knew as my grandfather. His life, his legacy, and his passions have always seemed to influence me when I was not paying attention. I can't get his face out of my head, it makes it hard to concentrate at times. I have quite a few small papers to write, and a couple of larger ones, but the thing that dominates my mind are thoughts of my grandfather. Maybe I feel hurt, maybe there is a twinge of sadness in me... I know that he is in a better place, and that he is having a blast with his family there, but I miss him. I often wonder what kind of regrets he had, if any; I wonder if he knew exactly how much he was affecting lives, or if he felt like "the average joe". I bet he didn't realize the full extent of his impact, and I think that is true for many a man, and maybe God decides to allow that to be the case so that it can keep us humble. I mean, we struggle with pride a lot as it is, we don't need help in boosting our egos.

I'm ready to be done with school for a while. It's not that this semester has been all that strenuous, on the contrary, it has been mostly peaceful and relaxing minus a few twists and turns along the way, but I could never expect to have a perfect semester, because I'm human and make mistakes and that's enough to prevent perfection, but everyone else is human too (though I'm sure some don't act like it) and that is more of a reason. I'm just ready to stop feeling warn out. I need some rest; good, authentic, like a few days off, wholesome rest. I think that once I obtain it, that I will feel better.

I'm looking forward to the job I have at Lake Swan. I need to finish sending in paperwork, but I need to e-mail them about something first. I guess I'll do that tomorrow. I'm a little sad that I won't be able to hang out with the Poplar Point kids, but God has me going in a different direction and I cannot argue with Him.

This is my 100th post on blogger. I guess it's safe to say that the "trial" stage of blogger has been outdated, and it has become a major extension to my public communication (though my skills of communication seem to get smaller and smaller, or at least my perception of them). So, I wanted to do some big thing for it being my 100th post, but I couldn't think of anything, so it will have to remain as a passing notice.

Tomorrow is breakfast with Sammi and Jimmy, and then some homework. I go to bed now, good night.

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