Monday, September 15, 2008

With My Head Held High

Where to even begin?

I guess a good place to start is to state how happy I am to have a friend who is willing to let me use his computer for the semester/year? However long it takes to replace my current one, that is on the brink of falling to pieces. *shrugs* Thank you Lord for provision. You're a great daddy.

But what more is there? I wish I could adequately put it into words. There is so much going on in the "shadows" that I can't even see it all. Between being told of the idols in my life, showed where I can, and, really, must adjust accordingly (like shattering those idols [some seem physically, heh]), and having spiritual gifts revealed to me. This semester is turning out to be one full of absolute awe of God, joy in His promises, pain in His teaching, and much much more.

"The battle began three years ago, and we have been at a stalemate these long years, but the tide will soon turn, and the enemy will have no where to run."

I'm incredibly excited to see where God is leading me. Although, it has already proved to be a very scary plummet into the darkness. I have had to place the things that I desire the most, the things that seem the most beautiful to me, upon the altar and walk away. One day, some of those things may be given back to me, but for now, I will only focus on one thing. My Master. He is teaching me, stretching me, striking my heart where the poison seeps in, and removing it. He and I have done some sparring and He kicked my butt, however, now I think I can be more open to what He has to say, where if I had not struggled with Him I would not have so apt to listen to His ever gentle, firm, and loving voice. He is definitely an awesome sensei.

These past couple of days have probably been some of the hardest I have experienced to date, and yet, I could not keep my eyes of Jesus. He is such a beautiful Bridegroom, and such a good lover. He knows exactly what I need to hear to keep me going, and He lets me lean on Him. He stretches me in the places I need stretching and pushes me beyond my limits to increase my skill. I would be completely unworthy of His love if it were not for the fact that He deemed me worthy with His sacrifice. I can honestly say, I'm glad it's all about Him.

I think I can now hold my head up high, knowing that no matter what happens, He will be there beside me; fighting with me, fighting for me. How could I have ever forgotten what communion with God is like? Those idols were separating us more than I thought... wow.

Thank you Abba, for being such a forgetfully forgiving God, but amazingly remembering all the good you have promised. Thank you for not forgetting me, and for fixing all the toys I broke :)

Grace and Peace

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