Our faith is reflected in our lives. What does your life say about you? What is my life saying about me? I would hope that people see Christ when they see me, that they would see love; however, I have to wonder if that is what I am reflecting, or if I am merely going through the steps to seem like a “good Christian”. As time has progressed I have begun to care less about what others think of me, but I am not immune to relapses.
Maybe I'm not really worried about that. Maybe, I feel sad and broken over the fact that Christianity can feel so fake at times. That it is not just me who is getting stuck in routine, but that all of us are just going through the motions. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Previously, I think, this is what made me so bitter toward the college and the people in it, but now all I feel is sadness for them. I feel sad for even some of my friends who have enslaved themselves to substance(s), to logic and reason, and have turned their back upon God because He “never did anything for [them] anyway”. So depressing.
But, I don't think it is just that which causes me to think, to process that which is running round in my brain, trying to put words to it. To be honest, I still don't know what it is that is getting to me. It's not that I lack a spiritual peace, but rather a peace of mind.
I realize this probably depressing, and for that I apologize. There are many things to be joyful about. I have a Father who cares for me (2 in fact, and a mother as well), I have a beautiful wife who could not be a better blessing in my life, I have friends who do constantly seek Him, and there is no such thing as fake hope.
So praise God in suffering, in sadness, in illness, in pain, in trials, in all things.
Grace and Peace