It's been too long since my last post. Do I even have any readers? Well, I don't really write for them anyway, hah!
I've been going through a little bit of trouble lately. Not so much in the physical sense, and certainly not a negative thing, but still trouble nonetheless.
You see, my spirit is troubled over my own complacency.
Lately I have been having these thoughts along the lines, "Is this really all there is?" Don't misunderstand, I love my job, the church I go to, and the family I've been blessed with. I believe that I am where I am supposed to be at this point in time, but I also feel like I'm missing something; like there is something else I need to be doing and I'm just ignoring it completely. This had led to several different interesting situations, and perhaps left me a little bewildered by it all.
What is that something I'm missing? Is it merely an emotion? Is it some higher task that God has called me to? Is it just the result of going through some of the emotional lows last week, and now that I'm on the rise the feeling will pass? I don't know. All I really do know is that I'm experiencing it here and now, and so I will address it.
I think writing has become a big part of who I am. That isn't really evidenced by this blog at the moment, and I hope to change that, but I do write frequently and enjoy it immensely. I enjoy it to the point of haven written over 40,000 words in a story that may never get published and desiring to continue in that story until it is complete. Which is something I've never felt before. So perhaps this is the something I'm missing?
I also think that teaching is something that is to arise in my future. Specifically, teaching Scripture to people in a public speaking medium. I in no way have the training for such a thing, and yet I can't escape the feeling. I have been out of a full time ministry position for around a year and a half now, feel hesitant to return any time soon, and yet I feel, with a high percentage of certainty, that God is going to take me back into the belly of the beast known as ministry. And it is a beast; no one else in all of the Christian circles are held to a higher standard than those who are more than volunteers in any ministry. Perhaps this is the "something" missing?
It could go beyond these things though (and I suspect that these things are part of the answer). What the beyond is I can only guess at, and I suppose this is where the "comment on the human life" comes into play today.
I think when it comes down to the grind, everyone has these points in their life where they feel troubled by a "something" or maybe a "someone". I think the most noticeable evidence of this is what we call a "mid-life crisis". However, I don't believe that it is limited to middle aged men and women. This is an underlying thing that permeates every age. To be honest, I don't know what the source of these moments are, and maybe it is different for each person, but I have a sneaking suspicion its one of God's ways of trying to get our attention.
It is also a way to become more aware of who you are as an individual. I recently just finished a book. The final book of the Inheritance Cycle to be exact. In this series of books, there is mention of a "true name" for every living and innate thing. Furthermore, if you know the true name of that person or thing, you had complete control over them. Thus, the knowledge of your true name (which revealed all of who you are for better or worse) is incredibly dangerous, but as you might imagine, can also be very enlightening. As I read I wondered, do we have true names? Now, I don't really think that there is a name out there that if said I'm just going to fall over unable to control myself, but the idea that there is a way to understand ourselves so deeply is intriguing. As one who strives for self-awareness, I think it would be worthwhile to learn my "true name" or "true self" as I'm really referring to it; however, it isn't always the prettiest and it is hard to not want to hide from the truth of it all. Definitely something to think about.
Well, I think I've bored you enough with my broken and incomplete thoughts. Besides, if I wanted to leave a novel for you to read I would have just copy and pasted my story.
Grace and Peace