Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Black Roses

So after two (or is it three) weeks with nothing to post, I finally have something of interest (to me at least).

Christmas is just such an interesting time of year. It's the time when people go all out to buy gifts that someone will use maybe once or twice (usually) or at least, until the new "thing" comes out. Sadly I have been sucked into this too. I'm not sure if it's just because it's an American thing, or if it's just the people I'm with, or whatever, but I really want to get something for my family this year. Which is why some are getting scarfs, and other gift cards.

The problem with getting gifts is that, at least with me, there are so many people I want to buy gifts for that I can't, and so I always feel bad when only a few people get the gifts I intended for them, and not just some ghetto home made card that says, "Merry Christmas". I'm sure people might appreciate it, but it's not what I want to do for them. So, this year I actually get to do what I want for Christmas (in the sense of getting the gifts I want to get for others), which makes me happy.

But, Erik pointed out something today at Invert that I had never really considered before. It's not that I didn't care, it was just that I never really considered it. The Advent Conspiracy.... "what would happen if we spent less on people who have plenty, and gave more to those who have none?" was essentially the question. It was really profound for me though. Despite going out of country multiple times, I still haven't seemed to understand that there are so many people in need, and Christians can lead the way into reformation. To love others so much that we give with grateful hearts, and give generously. To think... God will count our lack of generosity as a sin... intriguing, and yet, so much like the God I have come to know and love, though I'm sure I don't show it near as much as I would love to. This Christmas = yet another paradigm shift. (they seem to be happening a lot lately).

This post isn't just about Christmas... it feels so long since I left Clarksville, but in reality it has only been two to two and a half weeks. I have been so busy lately though, that I feel like I have been gone a year. I wish things didn't have to end with so much tension, but it is in the past, there is nothing I can do to change it. I don't regret my decisions, I know in my heart they were the right ones, despite what some may say or think. Even if these decisions were wrong, it was far better than dawdling around in my fear and waiting for a sign from God that was not going to come. I know He wanted me to make a decision, and so I did. That, is that, and I move on. Black Roses.

I know I'm being cryptic about that, but you will just have to get over it... I'm not explaining my life via an expanse of internet gossip known as blogging.

There is still so much for me to learn, so many things to see, and so many dreams I want to achieve... but the one thing that takes precedence in my life is God, and He holds it all together. Altruism, Theology, Doctrine, Wisdom, Knowledge, Success, Failure, it's all for nothing without God in the middle.

And so it seems like I'll be ending this year the same way I started it. Alone, with nothing to hold onto except Christ.


p.s. Happy Birthday Jesus, whenever the actual day may be.

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