Ever have those days where you wonder if you really love God? I know that sounds odd, but sometimes I question my love for God. I guess it is because I sin against him so much. There is this one thing I keep doing, and over and over again I ask for forgiveness long after I have been forgiven, and I tell myself "I won't do it again, God lend me your help this time." In actuality, he is already helping, I just chose not to listen. Which brings me back to the first question, do I really love God?
I suppose, that is really a rhetorical question more than anything, because I know that deep down I love God and not only that I NEED Him, more than life itself. Shoot, he IS life. So that is just something I have been thinking about, I know the truth behind it, but sometimes I can't help but wonder. Because I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to earn His love, and He knows that I cannot always succeed, in fact, I'm pretty sure he expects us to fail, but I guess that is just one of those things that makes his grace amazing. Hurray for the Ragamuffins who live in this life, and even more of a huzzah for an Awesome God.
I guess I don't really have anything else to say on this topic. Haha, it took less time to get my thoughts out than I thought... (no pun intended).
On a completely different side note.
I am not bitter about my stay in Clarksville, (I've had a few people tell me that they wish I wasn't bitter) I promise. In fact, I wouldn't trade my time their for anything. It was good for me, it taught me a lot, and I still respect Jerry very much. When I left, there was no anger, or any other type of negative emotion, if anything I think I am the one who did the hurting, but I cannot change the past, nor do I want to, and thus life moves on. So, stop assuming stuff, k?
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