There is something terribly wrong with this place. Something that has begun to be more real to me every day. It sucks away hope and joy; imitates love, but is not loving, and leaves me unmotivated. At first, I thought that it was just me, but as I interact with people I begin to see it in their eyes and hear it in their words. What is it that causes this place to be hollow?
Not that people are individually hollow, but a lot of people do things in a hollow way. I can't tell if it is because they are blind to it, or because they think that they're at the peak of "Christianity". We are called to so much more than shallow worship at chapel and apathy while participating in a ministry. Yet, that is exactly what I find here and it breaks my heart.
Whatever this thing is, it does a good job at hiding itself behind "good motives". Motives behind why there are things put in place by administration that don't make sense except for the fact that I hope that they are doing what is best for this campus. I'm not talking about rules or attitudes, but it overflows into those areas, into every area of a person's life, even to the point of infecting their relationship with Christ.
Perhaps, it is because people are comfortable; that may be the issue. People have grown comfortable in their superficial Christianity. As before, I'm not saying that people themselves are superficial (that is between them and God), but many of them have fallen into a pattern that scream superficiality (And I'm probably guilty of that too at times).
Then again, It could be even deeper than that...
What causes us to care about a reputation to the point of enforcing inane rules to keep money coming in? What causes us to feel the need to advertise prayer retreats, to condemn those who are not missionaries, and be hypocritical about being an open community? It all feels so hollow, as if we are trying to pull some type of joke, and God is not laughing.
And the strangest thing of all about it to me is that regardless of how close I am to God, and how much I spend time with Him; regardless of what people have impacted me, and what I have learned, I still feel hollow.
There is something definitely dreadfully wrong with this place.
Grace and Peace