It has come to my attention that what I said could be misunderstood, because let's face it, I fail at communicating the heart behind the words many a time. So let's begin with the word hollow
Hollow is probably not the BEST word to choose, but it is the only one I could think of to describe this thing. When I say I feel hollow, I am referring to the fact that even though I don't change the way I talk with God between here and home, it is here that leaves me feeling like there is more to be achieved. Not with my relationship with God specifically, but rather with life as a whole I guess. But even then, that does not seem to adequately fit within the bounds of what I'm really trying to say. It's hard for me to explain my thoughts I suppose.
As far as blaming TFC for this hollow feeling... I don't honestly think that I do blame it. Just because something is here, does not mean that it is the College's fault that it exist. The College in and of itself is a neutral thing, it can neither create good, nor evil. Though the people within it can. I'm not really saying the the feeling is anyone's fault, I'm trying to dive into the question of "Why?" Why do we do the things we do? What is at the core of all the problems I see?
Speaking of which, I would like to point out that I don't only see problems here. I see a ton of potential to be better than we are, and I see very few people tapping into that potential. I see people trying to do as they feel God is leading me, I see people loving others, and I know that God is doing work here, and that He is using the campus. I'm not trying to say it's all dark and dead. I am merely pointing out the things that I am seeing because writing it out is a way to process and perhaps a chance to hear feedback on such processis. For instance, I can tell that people have the potential to love others unconditionally, but I also see that few people act upon that potential and often times come across as if they think the world revolves around them. I've been guilty of this before, and I will be guilty of this in future because I'm human and I screw things up. All I am really saying about this particular aspect is that we as Christians we are called to a higher standard. I'm not trying to point fingers, if anything, I'm pointing at myself.
I would like to point out also, that everything that I type out is aimed at me just as much, if not more, towards the general populace, because these are my thoughts, and I have thought through them as much as I can. Granted, I don't always exhaust every option with my thoughts, but I do tend to understand myself more than other people do. :)
I hope this clears up most if not all of what was discussed.