These past few days have been simultaneously very good and relaxing, and heartbreaking and confusing. On the one hand, I got to spend time with a good friend and with my family, which lead to a time of relaxing and reflection on my end. Going home has always been a good time to reflect... not sure why that is, but I am thankful for those times that are presented to me. On the other hand, my fiancees maid of honor is backing out of the whole ordeal, which quite frankly makes me angry. A friend should be willing to sacrifice a little time and money to be at another friends wedding, especially since it is so important to said friend that they be their (and... done). So, suffice to say there has been some hurt going on this weekend too.
HOWEVER, the good has outweighed the bad sevenfold and I can be extremely thankful to God for that. I attended a Easter Service at my parents' church and I am very glad that I did. It was a time to feel like I could really worship... once again reminding me exactly how dark it can feel here at TFC at times, but I'm not going to address that in this blog. I've done that enough, and I fear being brought back into my cynicism... I have enough problems as it is. Anyway, one of the songs that was presented before the congregation was called "True Love". The chorus had the words, "When True Love died..." and it was talking about the sacrifice of Christ, and it really got me to thinking. Although Christ is alive, and I am not about to refute that, I have to wonder how alive He is to us as Christians? When Neitzsche stated that "God is dead" I have to think that what he was referring to was our way of living rather than the Almighty Creator God being deceased, and honestly, I have to wonder if he wasn't all that far off...
From what I have seen of Christianity in America, so much of it is superficial when it comes to living out what we proclaim. We stand with hands raised high in one hour, and then the next we are being unloving in a plethera of ways towards an individual or group of individuals. From the way we talk about foreigners to the way that we will swear and curse up a storm. Now, I'm not saying swearing is wrong... on that issue I have no clue what I think because of a number of reasons, however, I try to refrain from cursing mostly because I can think of other words to say that aren't as crude. The point is, I feel that Christianity in America is a mere shell of what it is supposed to be. I've felt like this for a while now, and I was listening to a pastor on a CD who was talking a little bit of the very same things I'm writing about at the moment. Granted, I think he might have been exaggerating it a little bit, but the point is still there... May God have mercy on our souls.
I guess I never really clarified why I was confused... and looking at the reasons now, I could probably give you a cryptic answer at best. Why would someone claim to be another's best friend, but talk bad about them to someone else? Why would someone be so unwilling to give up such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things to support their "best friend" in such an important event? 'nough said.
I'm going to try to end this post on a positive note... so here are a few reasons (for me) to be happy.
- God loves me
- I have an awesome family
- I have an awesome fiancee
- My birthday is in 10 days, 11 hours, and 25 minutes... 24 minutes
- My Wedding is in 68 days, 12 hours, and 52 minutes... (kinda scary)
- I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED IN 68 DAYS!!!!