Mosaic

Well, after the big post yesterday about how I feel God is calling me here, I find it surprisingly ironic that I am no longer a paid intern today. More plainly put, I lost my job as an intern because I missed the 6am prayer meeting. It sucks to not have a job, but thankfully Jerry is nice enough to pay for my next month salary and then I get nothing. And, I'm not really mad at all, just very frustrated with myself. I thought I had turned my alarm on after I set it, but apparently I didn't, and therefore did not show up at the church until 8:45, and for this reason I have been fired. Don't miss understand me though, Jerry might be hard on me, but I deserved to get fired... this wasn't the first time that I was late, and I had no excuse.

So I've spent most of this morning and afternoon trying to find job apps. Which seem to be impossible to find since they are all on websites, hidden from the world. I did go to the walmart distribution center and apply there. I hope I can get a job there doing the weekend shift at night. That way I can have the rest of the week to do whatever it is I need to do (like working with Jerry as a voluntary intern). This should prove to be an interesting year. Depending on the answer that I get with this job, I may have to wait to get eye surgery, which is ok, but a bit frustrating that I went through all that stress for nothing. Mom and I decided to go ahead and just get started on the eyes and then... If I'm called into work, I'll just postpone the eye thing until I'm able to do it. I really hope that this doesn't hinder my going to Chile in December. I mean, I haven't seen her since last summer. It would really suck to go a year and a half without seeing her again.

I was told today a really good analogy of how the church is like a mosaic, and how God wants to take just a certain "piece" of each person to fit into the mosaic. I thought that was a really good illustration, especially since I got to see a plate smashed with a hammer, but unfortunately, it was also pointed out that I need to get hit with said hammer. I was actually told that I need to "quit ducking". I would if I knew how I was ducking. I mean, all those who know would say that if I knew I needed to be broken I would say "bring it on" because I want to be used by God... so how am I "ducking"? I don't know, that's just something God is going to have to hit me in the face with I suppose. Not to mention I need to step up in my discipline or I'm going to get stepped on. I want to be a good steward of what is given to me, and yet I feel as if I fail in all areas of life right now. Like I don't really have a good talent to give.

I need some serious help...