Tuesday, October 16, 2007

*Insert Title Here*

Man these past few days have felt very surreal, and yet simultaneously, I feel as though I've been hit with a very tangible, and palpable, metaphysical brick wall. I guess to a degree I could blame it on Satan and say he's just trying to get to me, and I could blame God and say He's trying to teach me, but really, these things are both true, and are unnecessary to state. These facts are always true no matter what day of the week it is.

The funeral went well. I think the pastor captured my uncle very well, and I think that most of my family is taking it well. I was practically thrown into being a pallbearer; it was an honor, but a very odd feeling that went with it (I've never carried a dead body before). I felt like I was being so insensitive this weekend though for a number of reasons: I could only smurk during the service; I was not really sad (sure I didn't want him to die, but at the same time, I was uber happy for him); I guess that's not a lot, but I really did feel like I was being disrespectful... I wasn't trying to be, and maybe I wasn't... *shrugs* Anywho, like I said everything went well. The 7.5 hours driving their and back were largely uneventful except for a couple of crash/construction sites that were just long enough to get on my nerves. All in all, it was a good time to see family and catch up with a lot of people.

Have you ever felt like all your friends are avoiding you because they know something that they don't want you to know? And it's not some surprise party or something? That's how I kinda feel right now. I've tried to get a hold of multiple people these past few days to check up on them and the only people I got were Dan, Rachel, and Amanda. I don't even talk to Amanda that much, so it was cool to talk to her for a few minutes. But other people wouldn't answer their phones or any IM I sent them, I don't think I'm being paranoid here, but maybe I am. I understand we get busy, but that doesn't mean you can't call someone when you have a few extra minutes right? If I had seen someone called me, especially if they had left a message, I would be sure to call back, but that does not seem to be the case with everyone else apparently. Heh, maybe I'm just being silly about this, but I guess you really start to see who your real friends are when you try to contact them. The ones that contact you back, or initiate the contact... they are likely the one's that care. *sigh* That number is far smaller than I would like it to be.

Well now that I've written this huge depressing post, I think I'll go find something happy to do.

1 comment:

Erik said...

Anytime you want to talk, always feel free to give me a call. I'm usually pretty good about returning my calls. I'm sure some of these friends have some issues of their own right now and maybe don't feel like talking about them to everyone. I know it's true of me at times.

And yes, being a pallbearer is kind of creepy but hey, it's not like the person is there anyways...just a shell.