Saturday, January 26, 2008


I have to say that I'm rather confused on some things lately. I'm going to try to not be vague, but no doubt it will end up being so.

You see... no I guess I should start with my focus for this year. I want to learn more about myself this year. Not only so I can learn how to love myself, and others better, but also so I can be more aware of what "makes me tick" and be more conscious of what is really at the core of my personality. I guess that was a bit redundant *shrugs* (sometimes I'm not best at communicating).

That being said, in just the past week alone I have discovered a few things about myself. One being, that while here I am much more obnoxious than anywhere else. I am so mellow at home people probably wouldn't recognize me except through appearance. So I've begun to see if the real me is merely somewhere in between. I want to point out that this isn't really a matter of identity to me, as much as it is to further that understanding of the identity I have already gained. And that is just one of areas, there is the area in which my word inhibitors don't always work. Meaning I walk around with one foot in my mouth a lot, but that isn't so uncommon. It is still something I want to improve on. I also need to keep improving my sense of humor, and stop being so uber sensitive about everything.

One of the things about me that has got me really confused lately, however, is this feeling of attraction I have a for someone. I am being very cautious with myself concerning this, because I haven't figured out if this is me trying to rebound from the end of a nearing 4 year relationship, or if it's because it is time for me to move on, and I am truly interested in this girl. This is something I have to work out in my head and in my heart. Not only for my sake, but for hers as well. I guess it goes along with the idea that "Any decision you make will effect another." I find this to be true the more I learn about myself, and I hope to continue to learn more about myself as the year goes on. I think that is something God wants to show me this year, and I look forward to learning. A time to be more passive and less aggressive, a time of peace and education.

Perhaps, this year will be the best one thus far.

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