Monday, January 21, 2008

An Empty Void

I feel a bit confused right now. I can't really explain why, mostly because I do not know the answer. I have always known that Toccoa is an awkward place when it comes to spirituality and the subjects therein, but I feel like something is missing. I feel like there is a void, and I'm not sure why it is.

Perhaps, it is merely trying to get accustomed to the TFC life again, perhaps it is the fact that people change, and I am not the man I once was, or perhaps it is something more. Whatever the reason, it has been bugging me, and it has made it hard to have anything more than an "eh" day.

The more I look at myself the more I wonder, and realize sometimes, exactly how much I hide with my subconscious self-defense. Sometimes it's just trying to bounce back from a joke that really offended me, sometimes it's just me trying to avoid being asked thousands of questions. It really just depends on the situation. I know that I'm usually really oblivious, and I hate that about myself I really do, but sometimes I think being oblivious has helped me in my walk. That being said, I really hate being oblivious to things. It makes it hard to relate to people sometimes, among other things. It's just very frustrating, especially when I am oblivious about myself. Which is why it is scary to begin seeing things about myself. I know they are things I should see, and things that may need to be improved, but scary nonetheless. Asi Sera...

Man this post is kind of scatterbrained... I is tired... I'm going to do something else now.

No comments: